Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[Mark 1911]

Never lend a pen, even if not in the army.
At work I carry a pen to write with, and a crappy pen to loan.

I have a drawer full of pens that I don't know where they came from or how I acquired them. It wasn't on purpose. Go to someone's desk to sign something. They have a pen, it gets used. Then I walk off with it without thinking.

But some of those folks are getting wise to me. Seems like people are asking for their pens back more often these days!

Oh well, I guess there are worse reputations one could have.

 

[2A_Tom]

When I had to get a lot of signatures in the army the pen was attached to the desk.

 

[Alamo]

...

Needless to say, no one landed near their assembly areas.
.

So realistic jump? When I was in Jump Week at The Airborne School, during the briefing before our first jump the Blackhats explained that paratroopers had to be so physically fit and training had to be so hard because every combat jump in history up to that date had been a screwed up mess. Troopers scattered all over Normandy during Overlord, jumping on top of an unknown panzer unit during Market Garden, etc. I guess this was supposed to give us confidence for our first jump. :0

 

[actaeon277]

I have a drawer full of pens that I don't know where they came from or how I acquired them. It wasn't on purpose. Go to someone's desk to sign something. They have a pen, it gets used. Then I walk off with it without thinking.

But some of those folks are getting wise to me. Seems like people are asking for their pens back more often these days!

Oh well, I guess there are worse reputations one could have.

 

[repeter1977]

It was the government's pen, he could have it and I'd have just gotten a new one.

 

[actaeon277]

So, this thread..
https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...wow-better-than-firecrackers.html#post7920254
reminded me of a sub story.
Actually, 2.

Story 1.
One of the guys on the sub, used to be surface navy.
His ship was involved in "cat and mouse" games with a sub.
I can't remember what it was he did, but he was not actively involved, not in sonar or fire control. So he didn't know who was winning or losing. He just operated whatever it was he operated.
He finally got to go on deck after dusk, and saw a green flare. So he's like, "wow. What's the green flare for?".
Someone told him, subs use green flares and/or dyes to signal that they've "sunk" the ship.
The ship and sub then separate, and try to sink each other again.
So the guy asks, "How many times have we sunk the sub?"
"Once".
Then he asks, "How many times did the sub sink us?"
I don't remember what he said the number was, but it was a dozen or more.
His face fell.

Next opportunity, he signed up for subs.

 

[actaeon277]

Story 2 (about signal ejectors)


The sub's signal ejectors are basically small torpedo tubes.
You place something in it, close the inner door, open the outer door, set how much air pressure is being used, then activate the air pressure into the tube.
Simple. Unless you screw up and try to flood the sub.
After all, what could go wrong with operating 2 doors that open to the outside water, at pressure?

The air pressure you use, is determined by what you are doing, and what depth you are at.
Dye pack at 100 feet, use X pressure.
Flare at PD (periscope depth), use Y pressure.
Bathysphere at 150 feet, use Z pressure.
On and on and on.

Anyway, we were in a cat and mouse game with a Carrier Battle Group.
We were an old submarine at the end of it's life. A sub designed to HIDE from EVERYONE, so that it can launch Ballistic Missiles.
Instead, we were acting like an attack submarine. Except we were 100 feet longer, and had a quarter of the Reactor Power. So we weren't very fast.
And we didn't have a lot of torpedoes. So number of targets we could engage was limited.

So, we had met the criteria to "sink" the carrier, and we were to launch a green flare to signal a successful attack.
We even had visual contact through the periscope, with pictures.
Which exposed us to more risk of detection, and unnecessary because sonar provides good enough info for a successful shoot.
BUT, face it, the Captain giving the Captain of the Carrier a picture of his ship, in front of the Captains of the ships that were tasked with defending the Carrier, well, let's say we were not above rubbing their face in our victory.
So Control tells the torpedoman stationed at the after signal ejector (after end of the ship, as opposed to the forward signal ejector) the depth of the sub, and tells them to launch.
Turn the periscope aft to monitor the flare. The flare never launches from the water.
2nd time, launch. Flare never launches from the water.
Control room makes a few comments about the ability of the torpedoman, calls for a 3rd launch.
Torpedoman CRANKS up the pressure.
Control room sees flare leap into the air over 50 feet... and fail to ignite.

That's okay. 4th time was a charm. Flare launches AND ignites. We've counted coup. Collected our scalp.
Sadly, had we been attacked and prosecuted during this period, the umpires would have considered it a "tie".

I guess grandma working at the factory fell asleep at quality control.

 

[actaeon277]

Okay. a 3rd story. Or a second part of story 2.
Though, this isn't about the signal ejector.


So, I forget. The Carrier Battle Group was either the Midway, or the Coral Sea. We cat and mouse'd against one, maybe both groups at one time or another, I can't remember.
But, they were the last of the WWII carriers. They started life as a straight flight deck, and had to be modified to an angled flight deck.
The Coral Sea (CV-43) was decomm'd (decommissioned) while I was in.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Coral_Sea_(CV-43)
The Midway (CV-41) was decomm'd just after I got out.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Midway_(CV-41)

Anyway, we had a new Captain.
No one really liked the first Captain. He yelled and screamed a lot. And the ship performed badly during tactical exercises. VERY badly.
And it was always, ALWAYS someone else's fault. Engineering Department. Weaps. Sonar. Torpedo manufacturers. Mother Nature.
Anybody but him.

So we had this new Captain.
We had been kicking CBG butt all day.
This new guy seemed to be a genius as a tactician. Or maybe the previous guy was so bad, this guy just seemed a genius.
The ONLY loss we had, was when we had to attack the CBG during a refueling exercise, so that they could practice an Emergency Break Away Procedure.
Well.. subs have no defense. They're not magic. We attack because no one knows where we are, or when we are near.
By attacking a CBG at a designated place and time, they could devote ALL their resources.
They didn't have to worry about running copters out of fuel.
They could run their sonar departments with more people than normal.
Etc.
So we attacked, and got "sunk".

It was sometime after that, we were making an approach, and the CBG "zigged", when we though they were going to "zag".
We came to PD, the scope goes up, the Old Man puts his eyes to the scope. Mere seconds go by, and he announces
"Down Periscope".
"Emergency Deep".
"Rig for Collision".

He didn't yell it. He didn't swear.
It was like he was ordering coffee.
So, as the watches rig the compartments for Collision, the helmsman and planesman bring the ship down.
You can't just point the boat down, or the prop will come out of the water. The prop is useful for driving the sub down, so that's a "bad idea".
You start at a shallow angle.
As you gain depth, you add more down angle. etc.
Meanwhile Maneuvering (engineering control room) starts off at a slow speed on the propeller.
As depth is gained, the propeller speed can increase.

Because the Old Man was acting as if he was ordering coffee, everyone just assumed it was a drill.
In the movies, they always say "this is a drill", or "this is not a drill".
In real life... NO.
They don't want you to know if it's real or a drill. You are NOT supposed to act differently.

Anyway, there we were, scrambling for the depths.
On a sub, the depth is comforting, it hides you. It makes it harder for weapons to get you.
Depth is also danger. It can crush you.
As we are sliding down, we started to hear a noise. I don't know how to describe it. You didn't need sonar to hear it.
EVERYONE on the sub could hear it.
It was the sound of propellers, 20 feet or so in diameter, churning the water above our heads.
SHAKING the sub.
A deep sounding whooshing/thrashing.

So everyone in the control room is doing their job, every once in a while looking at the Captain, he's cool as a cucumber.

Well, this guy aced all our tactical problems.

Most likely, if we really attacked, we'd have taken out the carrier. Maybe an escort or two, but definitely the carrier.
And then the rest of the escorts, or the hovering choppers would have got us in retribution.
But, we'd have taken the prize first.

the previous guy... we'd have died. And accomplished nothing. At best, we'd have ACCIDENTLY killed an escort.

So yes. My second CO, we followed that guy cause of RESPECT.
He raised his voice ONE TIME that I know of. And because he NEVER did that before, it shocked everyone.
Compared to my first CO, that yelled ALL the time, and everyone ignored.

 

[MattDM]

“Genius Tactitician” has no clue where his target is!

 

[actaeon277]

“Genius Tactitician” has no clue where his target is!

Nope.
Sonar gummed up the target estimation.
He let the know, at that range they should have been able to hear the jets hitting the deck.
Remember, we can't see the targets.
We listen, and estimate.

 

[KellyinAvon]

“Genius Tactitician” has no clue where his target is!

Hey, another submariner here at INGO. You and Act just remember to translate your sub-speak into something that can be translated into the other languages here at INGO. I spent 3 years in Iceland with the USAF so I speak "Surface Navy" I speak many government languages as well as "Southern Indiana".

 

[actaeon277]

Hey, another submariner here at INGO. You and Act just remember to translate your sub-speak into something that can be translated into the other languages here at INGO. I spent 3 years in Iceland with the USAF so I speak "Surface Navy" I speak many government languages as well as "Southern Indiana".

Surface Navy = Target Practice

 

[KellyinAvon]

Surface Navy = Target Practice

1925 called, they said you should talk to Billy Mitchell. He agrees!!

 

[Nazgul]

From Acteon: "He finally got to go on deck after dusk, and saw a green flare. So he's like, "wow. What's the green flare for?".
Someone told him, subs use green flares and/or dyes to signal that they've "sunk" the ship.
The ship and sub then separate, and try to sink each other again."

From the targets viewpoint-Our CBG was involved in the same type exercise, we were at Condition DZ-Dog Zebra or darken ship. Cruising slowly, no radio transmissions, no active sonar pings, etc. Hiding from the subs while they look for us. There are curtains over every outside hatch to prevent any light escaping and guards at each point to make sure no idiot violates said condition.

I am on duty as Sergeant of the Guard in MARDET. Crew activity is very restricted to limit sound. Then the Man Overboard alarm sounds. This means breaking all the Darken Ship restrictions. Few minutes later our CO sticks his head in the guard office and says "Come with me, bring handcuffs". Up to the flight deck to the incoming chopper with
the very young sailor they pulled out of the water. He got a Dear John letter and decided he had enough and jumped overboard.

The ships Med Officer and a corpsmen examined him on the deck, I hand cuffed him as the Captain walked up. Just then off the Port side the aforementioned green flare lit up the sky. We were sunk.

I swear smoke was coming from the Captains ears. Held court on him right there and I took him to the brig for 30 days.

Don
​

 

[actaeon277]

Yup.
That was one PO'd Captain.


It would be harder for that to happen on a sub.
Hard to open hatches.

 

[Hawkeye]

Yup.
That was one PO'd Captain.


It would be harder for that to happen on a sub.
Hard to open hatches.

I heard there is a company in Fort Wayne working on screen doors for submarines. Would those make a difference?

 

[2A_Tom]

“Genius Tactitician” has no clue where his target is!

2 [SUP]from[/SUP] NWI

Introduce your self here Introductions and Greetings

 

[2A_Tom]

From Acteon: "He finally got to go on deck after dusk, and saw a green flare. So he's like, "wow. What's the green flare for?".
Someone told him, subs use green flares and/or dyes to signal that they've "sunk" the ship.
The ship and sub then separate, and try to sink each other again."

From the targets viewpoint-Our CBG was involved in the same type exercise, we were at Condition DZ-Dog Zebra or darken ship. Cruising slowly, no radio transmissions, no active sonar pings, etc. Hiding from the subs while they look for us. There are curtains over every outside hatch to prevent any light escaping and guards at each point to make sure no idiot violates said condition.

I am on duty as Sergeant of the Guard in MARDET. Crew activity is very restricted to limit sound. Then the Man Overboard alarm sounds. This means breaking all the Darken Ship restrictions. Few minutes later our CO sticks his head in the guard office and says "Come with me, bring handcuffs". Up to the flight deck to the incoming chopper with
the very young sailor they pulled out of the water. He got a Dear John letter and decided he had enough and jumped overboard.

The ships Med Officer and a corpsmen examined him on the deck, I hand cuffed him as the Captain walked up. Just then off the Port side the aforementioned green flare lit up the sky. We were sunk.

I swear smoke was coming from the Captains ears. Held court on him right there and I took him to the brig for 30 days.

Don
​

Ships captain = Judge, Jury and executioner.

 

[Alamo]

...
And we didn't have a lot of torpedoes. So number of targets we could engage was limited.
.

This reminded me of a story I ran across the other day. USS William D. Porter, a destroyer, apparently the unluckiest ship in the WWII Navy. Among its several claims to infamy, during an exercise while transiting the Atlantic it accidently launched a live torpedo at the battleship USS Iowa that it was supposed to be guarding. Cherry on the cake: the reason they were holding the exercise was to show off for the VIP that the battleship was carrying. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

[video=youtube;f9Gb4PakFTU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9Gb4PakFTU[/video]

 

[MattDM]

2 [SUP]from[/SUP] NWI

Introduce your self here Introductions and Greetings

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/introductions-greetings/468474-hello.html