Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[2A_Tom]

I missed it.

 

[actaeon277]

Change this to a red light, and now I'll have trouble sleeping.

 

[2A_Tom]

Ronnie Braden was my S2 (Intelligence) NCOIC. He was a giant of a man, a steel pot (one size fits all) sat on top of his head like LT Fuzz. He wad over 6 feet tall and close to 300 pounds of muscle. He was a Special forces A Team member Light and Heavy weapons specialist, cross trained in commo (HF wireless telegraphy).

When he was in Vietnam he was an adviser attached to a Montagnard platoon. Ronnie pronounced it Mountain Yard.

Once, they were operating in enemy territory, dressed in black pajamas to blend in (how? I cannot imagine He was twice the size of them). They had bedded down for the night.

A NVA regular (a large unit had surrounded them in the dark) walked up to one of his men and kicked him awake. He took him to a position on the perimeter and told him he would be relieved in a couple of hours. The man obeyed and took up the position directed and waited 30 minutes before he went back and woke the others and they sneaked out through his position on the perimeter.

Ronnie served several tours and came back with only a few funny stories. This is a companion to the discussion here.

https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...ad-part-iv-bring-leather-200.html#post7939816

 

[Alamo]

He was a giant of a man, a steel pot (one size fits all) sat on top of his head like LT Fuzz.

When I was in training at The Airborne School, in our platoon was this big tall guy with a HUGE head, especially his jaw. This was in steel pot days, and at full extension the chin strap was not long enough to go around his chin and back up the other side to the buckle. So it just had to dangle. Every morning we'd form up in the company area and run in formation to training, him with his steel pot bouncing up and down on his head and the strap flapping around in all directions. At the training area the Black Hats would take his helmet away and give him a white motorcycle helmet to wear for the day, then when training was finished they swapped the helmets again and he would have to run back to the company area with the unfastened steel helmet.

With acute sensitivity and unerring precision the Black Hats called him "Big Head." "BIG HEAD DO PUSHUPS! BIG HEAD BEAT YOUR BOOTS! BIG HEAD WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BIG HEAD?"

 

[Alamo]

Another memory popped up while I was making a ham sammich for lunch. Have no idea what the connection is, but...

One of my buddies that I graduated from AFROTC at Indiana U. with went on to become an A-10 pilot. We kept in touch during our first assignments, but then I went to Germany and he went somewhere else and I didn't see him again until right after the first Gulf War -- ran into him in The Netherlands at an American base just across the border from where I was stationed. He had a NATO assignment at one of the air defense bunkers in the area and had just arrived a day or two earlier.

Turns out he had gotten the NATO assignment the summer before, PCS'd out of his A-10 squadron at England AFB, LA, and was on leave-en-route when Saddam rolled into Kuwait. His former squadron deployed to Saudi Arabia. He heard about it and instead of going on to Europe like he was supposed to he started taking Space-A hops until he got to Saudi Arabia. (Space-A travel in general was suspended during the US buildup in Saudi, but apparently since he was traveling to join his unit he was able to talk his way onboard). He found his squadron stationed at a forward base out in the desert, close enough to the Iraqis that they kept all their vehicles fueled and bags packed in case they had to evacuate. Since it was only a few weeks since he had checked out, he was still current on his flying skills so the squadron issued him flight gear and he spent the war hunting tanks and such. He flew in the Battle of Khafji plus a bunch of other missions, had some crude tapes of some his missile shots. Had some interesting stories.

I always thought that was a pretty awesome decision on his part, to punt the NATO assignment and thumb a ride to the war.

 

[actaeon277]

Conversation between Petty Officer Actaeon, and the ChEng (Chief Engineer).

ChEng: Petty Officer Actaeon, it seems you keep exceeding your ship's monthly limit for radiation for a Machinery 2 Operator.

Act: (not sure how to respond. It wasn't a question). Yes Sir.

ChEng: Would you care to enlighten me why?

Act: (pretty sure he's already talked to my Division Officer, so I reiterate) Well sir, we only have two ROs (Reactor Operators) and two Machinery 2 Operators.
As the Machinery 2 watchstander, I have to assist the ELTs (Engineering Laboratory Technician) during Primary Loop sampling.
This requires me to be closer to the reactor, for longer periods of time than the other watches, except for the ELTs themselves.
(Which I thought was why AMR2UL limits being lower than the ELT limits were silly).

ChEng (pronounced chang, but not to his face): That's what your Division Officer said. What I don't understand is, why you exceed the other watchstander.

Act: I can't speak about the other operator, you'd have to talk to them. And I don't know why.
I'd speculate that either the sample times happen more frequently on my shifts due to timing, or maybe because the ELTs prefer my assistance.
Or maybe I take longer in the tunnel taking my logs. (Tunnel is the passageway through the Reactor Compartment from Engineering to the rest of the ship) (forward of the RC is often referred to as the "Cone" as in the Cone of the ship. People that inhabit the Cone are referred to as "Coners")
Also, I've been stuck in the tunnel during high speed depth transitions before due to angle of the ship not allowing me to operate the hatch. (The hatch is HEAVY. Normally it is balanced, so not a problem. Put a 30 degree angle on the ship and you aren't lifting it.)

ChEng: Well, we can discount being stuck in the tunnel. It hasn't happened that often, and you CONSISTANTLY (emphasized, not yelled) exceed your limits.

Act: (not sure what to say, go with the Navy Fall Back response) Yes Sir.

ChEng: You will take care not to exceed the Navy monthly limit I hope. Maybe even keep it down to the ELT limit?

Act: Yes Sir. I have no desire for kids with 3 hands.

ChEng: Okay then. Also, maybe you could stop breaking stuff.

Act: (appearing contrite) Yes Sir.

 

[repeter1977]

Another memory popped up while I was making a ham sammich for lunch. Have no idea what the connection is, but...

One of my buddies that I graduated from AFROTC at Indiana U. with went on to become an A-10 pilot. We kept in touch during our first assignments, but then I went to Germany and he went somewhere else and I didn't see him again until right after the first Gulf War -- ran into him in The Netherlands at an American base just across the border from where I was stationed. He had a NATO assignment at one of the air defense bunkers in the area and had just arrived a day or two earlier.

Turns out he had gotten the NATO assignment the summer before, PCS'd out of his A-10 squadron at England AFB, LA, and was on leave-en-route when Saddam rolled into Kuwait. His former squadron deployed to Saudi Arabia. He heard about it and instead of going on to Europe like he was supposed to he started taking Space-A hops until he got to Saudi Arabia. (Space-A travel in general was suspended during the US buildup in Saudi, but apparently since he was traveling to join his unit he was able to talk his way onboard). He found his squadron stationed at a forward base out in the desert, close enough to the Iraqis that they kept all their vehicles fueled and bags packed in case they had to evacuate. Since it was only a few weeks since he had checked out, he was still current on his flying skills so the squadron issued him flight gear and he spent the war hunting tanks and such. He flew in the Battle of Khafji plus a bunch of other missions, had some crude tapes of some his missile shots. Had some interesting stories.

I always thought that was a pretty awesome decision on his part, to punt the NATO assignment and thumb a ride to the war.

I've found it interesting how various military members find their way back to their units during war time. Thumbing rides, catching medevacs, etc. The American troop always seems to find a way to buck the system trying to steer them clear and go back to be with their unit. Mine was way easier, I was given the chance to spend the rest of my tour in the TOC or any S shop I wanted. I told them I was going back on mission the next day and no problem.

 

[Alamo]

So random story:

I worked in the GPS Joint Program Office from 1992 to 1997. Lots of fun things happened there, but one of them just rolled into memory. The Space Segment was in charge of managing the design and acquisition of GPS Satellites. The satellites that were being launched at that time were Block IIA. That had already been designed, built, tested and paid for. So the Space Segment was hot and heavy into the specs and acquisition strategy for the next generations of satellites, the Block IIR (replenishment) and IIF (follow-on). There was also an proposal floating around that turned into Block IIR-M.

Anyway, one of the requirements being developed was for a "warranty" for the satellites: a minimum guaranteed life span for the satellites. The very first developmental satellites had a "design life" of 5 years, IIRC, but as far as I know this was not a promise. Some of them did last longer though. The initial Block II satellites, the first operational ones, had design life of 7.5 years, and again some of them lasted longer - one of them in fact, lasted for 22 years before being taken off operational status. But as far as I know there was no minimum requirement for lifespan.

The guys working the Block IIR/F requirements thought it was technically feasible to implement a minimum lifespan specification and require the contractor to live up to it. I think this was a fairly new idea. Prior to the GPS program satellites were kind of hand-built one-off sort of science projects, you'd build one or two and be done. GPS was launching dozens of them, and the GPS constellation had to be maintained indefinitely. I think most of the Block I and initial Block IIs were exceeding their lifespans, so it appeared contractors were technically capable of meeting a reasonable minimum requirement.

With most warranty products, if it breaks somebody fixes it or you get a new one, maybe pay something for the lifespan you did get out of the original. Obviously we were not going to send mechanics out to a broken satellite, so we (royal we) would have to go with some replacement scheme. The ideas the team working in this came up with was an 8 year (I think) minimum lifespan. If the satellite failed prior to that, a note was made of how many more years it should have lasted. E.g. 8 year life requirement, satellite fails in year 6, put 2 years on the board. Say another satellite fails in year 5. Put 3 years on the board, total now 5. Third satellite quits at year 5 also, put 3 more years on the board. Now the total is 8 years of satellite life that the government didn't get. Since that equals the required lifespan, the contractor now owes a new satellite at no cost to the government. It was a pretty straightforward concept.

Now for the fun part: the guys briefed it to the higher-ups as the On Orbit Performance Requirement (OOPR), and then they would say "...or as we like to call it, the Ooper!"

I loved that name, as did pretty much everybody else at the grade of major and below. Alas, somewhere along the way some O-6 or 7 decided that "Ooper" didn't sound quite professional or serious enough, and made them change it to some blandly technical government-ese that I (and likely everyone else) can't remember because it doesn't swing like "oooper."

And thus ends a footnote to History.

 

[Alamo]

...
(Which I thought was why AMR2UL limits being lower than the ELT limits were silly).,,
.

It just struck me as I re-read this: Why are radiation exposure limits different for different jobs? Are ELTs tested and selected out of boot camp for the their genetic resistance to radiation mutations, or does the Navy just not like ELTs or...?

 

[actaeon277]

It just struck me as I re-read this: Why are radiation exposure limits different for different jobs? Are ELTs tested and selected out of boot camp for the their genetic resistance to radiation mutations, or does the Navy just not like ELTs or...?

I work with a guy that used to work at a nuke power plant. He would install scaffolding and shielding for other workers.
What we call a "sponge".
He would work up to his limit, then go to the Hall and get assigned non-nuke work until time had passed, then go back to the nuke.
He worked to the federal limit.

But, submariners are not just "power plant workers".
We operate a complex dangerous weapon system.
Also, the navy worries the navy will get in trouble if sailors exceed limits.
Also, sailors exceeding the limit would have to be removed from nukes for a time.
That would wreak havoc on personnel assignments.
So, they take the federal limit and divide by 10.

Then the individual command, my sub, makes a lower limit.
So, if you exceed that limit, the navy isn't going after the Commanding Officer for his personnel exceeding limits.

Finally, about the different limits.
All personnel and command structures are supposed to "minimize risk to ionizing radiation".
So, if your job doesn't require you to be exposed, then you shouldn't be getting a lot.

Contributions to your exposure. Time, Distance, Shielding.
Minimize time near rad sources.
Keep distance between you and rad sources. distance causes rad levels to drop.
Put shielding between you and rad sources. Steel, Lead, Water, and Poly keeps you from being a sponge.



So, the non-nukes have NO need to be exposed, other than being on a sub with a nuke. (Non-nukes are called coners. They are forward, in the cone of the sub.)
They are issued film badges that are checked once a month, and should show NO EXPOSURE.
Then there is most of the general engineering (nukes). They work on a nuke. So they have a monthly limit. But, not very high. The navy doesnt want it's highly trained people to be beachside due to exceeding limits.
Their radiation is monitored by a TLD. The TLD momitors gamma radiation that they are most likely exposed to, and a neutron detector. Neutrons would only be in the engineering spaces in the event of an "incident". So, if they are reading your neutron detector, most likely they are trying to investigate why everyone is dead or dying.
The TLD are read each month for record keeping,(gamma) but if you are absorbing "rays" due to a maintenance job, they can read the dosimeter at any time, or multiple times. Reading the dosimeter zeroes it, so records must be kept.
Next would be the Machinery 2 techs. Auxuliary Machinery 2. this space is aft of the Reactor Compartment. There are more zoomies there than the rest of the sub, excluding the Reactor Compartment. While standing AMR2 UL and AMR2 LL watches, watchstanders are supposed to spend there time aft, near the engineroom. Go forward to check instruments, operate valves, then go back aft.
So, a limit good enough for guys in the engineroom, wouldnt be high enough for AMR2.
As a Reactor Operator, RO is the senior watch station, AMR2 UL is the junior watchstation. So, as a noob, I would stand AMR2 watch. As a senior watchstander, I could stand AMR2 or RO watch.
The ELTs (Engineering Laboratory Tech) had to sample the reactor water. They spent time with the samples, and when they collected it, they'd be in AMR2, againstmthe Reactor Compartment bulkhead. So their limit was the highest.

But, the AMR2 watch assist the ELTs with the sample. Normally not enough to be a problem.
But if you're normally supposed to have 3 people to share the watch, and you only have 2....
Now you're spending 50 percent more time in the zoomies. Remember Time, Distance, Shielding?
So, if I was going to be under the limit, I'm in danger of exceeding the limit.
And if the ELTs do more samples on your shift, BANG! You're in front of the ChEng who doesn't want to hear about being undermanned.
He just wants the CO and XO off his back.





Synopsis.
Radiation bad.
Get the minimum your job makes you het.
ELTs job requires more exposure. Therefore their limits are higher.

 

[Alamo]

I work with a guy that used to work at a nuke power plant. He would install scaffolding and shielding for other workers.
.

I never did say thanks for the explanation. So, "Thanks for the explanation!"


And also -- I just realized that on this date in 1982 was my first day on active duty. Tinker AFB Oklahoma, 552 Airborne Warning and Control Wing. Largely a great assignment!

 

[actaeon277]

I never did say thanks for the explanation. So, "Thanks for the explanation!"


And also -- I just realized that on this date in 1982 was my first day on active duty. Tinker AFB Oklahoma, 552 Airborne Warning and Control Wing. Largely a great assignment!

on the anniversary.


and, sorry my explanations are always too long.

 

[KellyinAvon]

I never did say thanks for the explanation. So, "Thanks for the explanation!"


And also -- I just realized that on this date in 1982 was my first day on active duty. Tinker AFB Oklahoma, 552 Airborne Warning and Control Wing. Largely a great assignment!

WACer!!

 

[KellyinAvon]

Since this thread is back... sometime about 26 years ago, Taegu (K-2) AB, Korea. Long story short, some ***-hat at 7th Air Force decided it was a good idea to give away several of our buildings to the ROKAF. One of them contained only one item, the liquid oxygen (LOX) converter from Clark AB, Philippines from when the volcano blew in 1991. To quote my boss who was there at the time, some ****-wad Captain decided we needed it.

The LOX converter still had the shipping documents on it, so we saw it weighed 24,000 pounds. There used to be a HUGE forklift for picking up seavans, it moved the LOX converter into place. It was no longer at K-2 and the largest forklift we had was a John Deere All-Terrain (AT) 10K. Fortunately we had more than one.

I knew it was heavy when the log chain snapped pulling it out of the building. We snapped two more before it was outside.

When we lined up the John Deere AT's (544E Models) the tires (which are rear tires on farm tractors) were about a foot apart. Thankfully John Deere sandbagged the lift capacity because we picked it up and backed a flatbed trailer under it.

Where we put it? After the trailer pulled out we had about 100 feet to go with both forklifts. Right turn we had to take wasn't that bad. The forklifts were so close we could see the other driver turning the steering wheel.

OK, you can tell that wasn't a BS story. Nobody makes up stories involving forklifts.

 

[Alamo]

...Clark AB, Philippines from when the volcano blew in 1991.

Speaking of which...

I was at NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen When mount Pinatubo erupted and buried Clark AB in soggy ash. A couple months later we had a family PCS in that had come from Clark airbase. The wife told me that they had been quickly evacuated to the US prior to the eruption and had to leave behind nearly all of their household goods. After The volcano calmed down the US military brought in troops to go through the housing area and pack up the household goods for shipment to the United States.

While they were in San Diego they happened to run into a sailor at one of the base exchanges And discovered that he had been on the HHG packing detail. In talking to him they found out that he had worked their neighborhood had helped pack their house, and their stuff was undamaged. That was the good news. The bad news was that the packedcrates had sat on the dock for weeks while it rained.

When their crates of HHG Finally arrived in Germany and they opened them, everything in them that was organic had about an inch of green fuzzy mold on it. All their clothes papers books and furniture were destroyed by the mold. The only thing they salvaged were some electronics – – her husband took them apart, dried them out with a hairdryer, and most of them still worked.

 

[KellyinAvon]

Speaking of which...

I was at NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen When mount Pinatubo erupted and buried Clark AB in soggy ash. A couple months later we had a family PCS in that had come from Clark airbase. The wife told me that they had been quickly evacuated to the US prior to the eruption and had to leave behind nearly all of their household goods. After The volcano calmed down the US military brought in troops to go through the housing area and pack up the household goods for shipment to the United States.

While they were in San Diego they happened to run into a sailor at one of the base exchanges And discovered that he had been on the HHG packing detail. In talking to him they found out that he had worked their neighborhood had helped pack their house, and their stuff was undamaged. That was the good news. The bad news was that the packedcrates had sat on the dock for weeks while it rained.

When their crates of HHG Finally arrived in Germany and they opened them, everything in them that was organic had about an inch of green fuzzy mold on it. All their clothes papers books and furniture were destroyed by the mold. The only thing they salvaged were some electronics – – her husband took them apart, dried them out with a hairdryer, and most of them still worked.

I was at Tyndall then. When you saw new troops in new BDUs with no paperwork in their hands, they were from Clark.

I left Tyndall right after Hurricane Andrew hit Homestead in 92. There was a troop there who had been at Charleston, SC when Hurricane Hugo hit in 88, Clark for the volcano in 91, and at Homestead for Hurricane Andrew in 92. Needless to say nobody wanted this guy at their base.

 

[actaeon277]

How many people worry about toilets?

I think probably every submariner has a toilet story.

This German crew had a bad one
[video=youtube;Pfr0nsh0Ghc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfr0nsh0Ghc&app=desktop&persist_app=1[/video]

 

[Alamo]

How many people worry about toilets?

People in airplanes? I always tried to make sure I was well “evacuated” before jumping on a C141 to Saudi for a 24 hour trip With about 100 other people. There was a “comfort pallet” installed that had what amounted to an aluminum outhouse in it, but like I said there were 100 people. Yechhhh. And that was a plan you could walk around on.

One of my buddies from ROTC became an A10 pilot. While we were in college he was well noted for the number of times he had to go to the toilet every day. We recommended he choose a bigger plane to fly, one with toilets in it. But no he wanted to be a fighter pilot and he became one.

So a few years later I asked him how his “number two” issues were going and he told me a story.
He was in a flight of four A-10s Heading to Spain from the United States. When Fighters are ferried Long distances overwater they travel with an Air refueling airplane who does navigation and keeps them fueled up.

Their flight was off the East Coast of the United States and approaching its first refueling And he had to go REALLY BAD. It’s a lot of physical effort for the pilot to refuel from the tanker, and he knew he would not be able to “hold it” AND keep the plane on the end of the refueling boom.

So he had a choice of either turning back to the US so we could go potty or… just letting it go before he started the refueling approach.

He chose Option number two.

So he’s wearing regular underwear, long underwear, a flight suit, fast pants, A lifevest, and a water survival suit, commonly known for some unknown reason as a “poopy suit“. Heh. Oh and a parachute harness and seatbelt over all of it.

So everything was well contained, but he said the worst thing was it started to soak into his T-shirt and travel upward.

He accomplished his refuelings and landed in Spain. The crew chief climbed up the side as the cockpit canopy opened but then jumped down and said “WHOA!” while things aired out. Apparently he was quite fragrant.

He said he apologized and the crew chief told him not to worry about it, there was one in almost every flight across the pond that had an “event”.

 

[actaeon277]

But.. there was never danger of sinking/crashing.

 

[actaeon277]

When you pull into a port that doesn't have "shore power'.
Someone has to keep the plant up making electricity.