Do you hold grudges, or are you a forgive-and-forget person?

[spec4]

To add to my prior post; I have seen many examples of the saying "what goes around comes around".

 

[Nazgul]

Had a close family member make life difficult for myself and others that I truly loved by their behavior. Very destructive over the years. I had a negative, hateful reaction to them for years, which is not my usual nature. I know better than to let that take hold of me.
The person in question fell into dementia as they aged. While visiting one day all I saw was a lost old person trying to deal with a world that did not make sense. Have to say all the emotions I had melted and I realized that I was wrong to carry these burdens. Felt a load better. The person died a few years ago, hope they found some peace.

Don

 

[longbow]

I don't hold grudges, but I don't associate with several family members anymore on my wife's side of the family. I have a brother who I have no trust in anymore.

 

[KokomoDave]

It would seem family has a way of getting under one's skin. I am no better as I was a bad person when my family was alive. I deserved them not and God recalled them to heaven. I cherish them now I am without them and learned one of the worse lessons in my life.

 

[indiucky]

No. It's not.

It is in my DNA and you don't know a d*** thing about my family's history....

You shouldn't call strangers liars....That's how such grudges start.......

With all due respect......

 

[Alpo]

So....I said to the wife: "What are trying to do? Poison me?!!!!"
She says: "If I was going to kill you, I would have done it years ago. I'd be out on parole by now....."

 

[Firehawk]

I generally forgive easily. But forgetting rarely happens. In the case of my sister's ex husband, it's hard to let go of grudges when he keeps piling on new ones. God is working on me to not let it get to me in the first place.

 

[Route 45]

It is in my DNA and you don't know a d*** thing about my family's history....

You shouldn't call strangers liars....That's how such grudges start.......

With all due respect......

You're not a liar. You're just wrong. Every man can choose his behavior. Or is "free will" a bunch of bull****?

For instance, I personally don't give a **** if a stranger on the internet has a grudge against me. But I don't really know how my great-grandpa would have felt about it.

 

[IndyBeerman]

It is in my DNA and you don't know a d*** thing about my family's history....

You shouldn't call strangers liars....That's how such grudges start.......

With all due respect......

You're not a liar. You're just wrong. Every man can choose his behavior. Or is "free will" a bunch of bull****?

For instance, I personally don't give a **** if a stranger on the internet has a grudge against me. But I don't really know how my great-grandpa would have felt about it.

How about we

Nobody knows anything about anybody

I have Irish in me. In my younger years I used to go off like a cannon, and my mom always said you have your grandma's Irish temper. I had to concentrate with great difficulty & effort as I grew older to control that temper. I'm 58, it still raises it's nasty head from time to time. And I've never met a person of Irish heritage that didn't have a temper.

 

[churchmouse]

Fellas.....how about I hold a grudge......Ease up OK.

Come on kids.

 

[foszoe]

I'm Scotch Irish. Heck I trace my family all the way back to Mel Gibson...er William Wallace.

I have an Irish temper but when the breeze is a blowin' good my Scottish side cools me down.

My temper doesn't often lead to grudges though... Me Mother always said I have a soft heart...It would usually lead to an apology

 

[Alpo]

Scotch-Irish?

Hmmm. I had you figured for a Byzantine Greek.

 

[Route 45]

So I guess no one here sees the problem with expecting certain behavior based on race or ethnicity.

 

[JettaKnight]

So I guess no one here sees the problem with expecting certain behavior based on race or ethnicity.

Stereotypes exist for a reason.

 

[foszoe]

It depends on how we act on those expectations. It's like in my Spanish classes, I was told not to expect a lot of personal space in Hispanic cultures. Maybe it was where I was when I have went to Mexico, but I did feel like conversations were a little more close than I am used to. I was ok with it though. It was the first time in my life I went to buy a hamburger and the lady walked across the street to the to butcher get freshly ground meat and cooked it right in front of me. It wasn't a bad thing it was just different. My mom was a red head....she had a temper

So I guess no one here sees the problem with expecting certain behavior based on race or ethnicity.

 

[DoggyDaddy]

So I guess no one here sees the problem with expecting certain behavior based on race or ethnicity.

Look at it this way. Human beings, being part of the animal kingdom, share certain traits. To draw a parallel, take a look at cichlids (fish). African cichlids are known to be quite aggressive, while South American cichlids are less so, even though they're all cichlids. So why would it be hard to believe that humans from certain areas would show different traits than humans from other areas. Environment and breeding can all play a part in the evolution of these traits.

 

[Route 45]

Culture is culture, but it is not "DNA." To suggest something is in your DNA is to suggest that it is something inherent that cannot be overcome. Which is, of course, bull****. I think some people (not talking about anyone specific) use "It's in my DNA" as a license to be an *******. And if you believe that you can't help the way you are due to your race/ethnicity, then it's a short trip to arrive at the conclusion that the same holds true for other races/ethnicity.

Short tempers and easily held grudges are no reason to thump your chest, and for those who believe, I doubt that the "DNA" excuse is gonna fly with St. Peter.

 

[Ziggidy]

Culture is culture, but it is not "DNA." To suggest something is in your DNA is to suggest that it is something inherent that cannot be overcome. Which is, of course, bull****. I think some people (not talking about anyone specific) use "It's in my DNA" as a license to be an *******. And if you believe that you can't help the way you are due to your race/ethnicity, then it's a short trip to arrive at the conclusion that the same holds true for other races/ethnicity.

Short tempers and easily held grudges are no reason to thump your chest, and for those who believe, I doubt that the "DNA" excuse is gonna fly with St. Peter.

Many people use (or try to use) DNA as an excuse. "I was born this way" is abused and very often wrong.....and tolerance is a one way street.

 

[OakRiver]

How about we

Nobody knows anything about anybody

I have Irish in me. In my younger years I used to go off like a cannon, and my mom always said you have your grandma's Irish temper. I had to concentrate with great difficulty & effort as I grew older to control that temper. I'm 58, it still raises it's nasty head from time to time. And I've never met a person of Irish heritage that didn't have a temper.

Now combine that with red hair

Many stereotypes don't exist without a reason

 

[Hohn]

I'd like to think we should be more preoccupied with not being on someone else's list than who might be on ours.

Anyone claiming to believe in God or Christ who doesn't forgive someone who asks for it really should question what they believe.



You are not obliged to forgive someone who doesn't ask for it.

Toxic people should be kept out of your life. The book "boundaries" I consider mandatory reading.

Carrying a grudge is foolish. Don't forgive someone because they deserve it; forgive them because YOU deserve not to carry that burden around.

"Forgive and forget" is a stupid saying. If we can easily forget something, then there's no need for forgiveness-- it was the most minor of sleights. Forgiveness is only relevant when it's IMPOSSIBLE to forget what happened. Forgiveness isn't pretending it never happened. It's acknowledging that it happened and going ahead anyway. And forgiveness also doesn't mean there will be no consequences arising from the forgiven offense.

You might apologize for the awful thing you did or said to me or my family, but that doesn't mean we are obliged to have you in our life, come to see you, or open our homes to you. See the Boundaries book for more.

"Repay no one evil for evil. Have[e] regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men"