Do you hold grudges, or are you a forgive-and-forget person?

Sigblaster

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I'm generally an easygoing guy, but I tend to sometimes let grudges get deeply entrenched in me. Sure, I can let a lot of minor stuff go, but there are certain things that can never be apologized for, and never made up for, and those are the things that that stick with me. Even after other people who were affected by it have let it go, I still end up with a deeply held resolve that I wouldn't **** on the offender's face if their eyes were on fire. Then I consider how wrong I am for that sentiment, when I know I would take any opportunity to **** on their face should the opportunity arise. :abused:

How about you? Grudge holder, or forgive-and-forgetter? Somewhere in the middle? Forgive but never forget?
 

JeepHammer

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I used to... I used to worry about what others said/did and 'Correct' their actions...

First off, when you get into a fight (physical or verbal) and you come out beat up, it doesn't matter if you 'Won' or not...
You still get beat up, and you still look like an A-hole to most people that see/hear about it.
These would be people I actually care about their opinions.

The other way to look at it is,
A grudge is REALLY heavy to carry around for years or decades,
While the person you have the grudge with could probably care less, or is amused/entertained knowing you are still boiling about it.

The way I've come to view things is, there are people that simply aren't worth my time in any way.
When I'm done with someone that's it, I don't waste my time, they simply aren't worth a penny of my money, a second of my time or a second of my sleep.

I know some guys that had bad divorces, and HOPE the Ex's face catches fire so they can beat it out with a rake,
I've never had an Ex that kept me in court and away from my kids (no kids) so I haven't experienced that level of systematic harassment...

I probably have 'The List' some people do,
Where if the doctor said you had 'X' amount of weeks to live with no chance of recovery, taking *Some* people out before I kicked the bucket should be considered a public service, but like most people I don't think I'd ever act on it...
 

Hoosierdood

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If you screw me over, I won't forget it. If it is serious enough, I will cut you out of my life. I don't have time for those types of people. This will be the way it is until you not only apologize, but also make restitution. I will forgive you, but I still may not let you back into my life.


If you make a mistake, own up to it, and apologize for it, I can be one of the most forgiving people you will ever meet.
 

Sigblaster

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It depends on the situation. Totally.

Let me throw a short example out here. My Uncle, who was very dear to me and was also my Godfather, died on a Monday. His son, my cousin, didn't call my Mom until midday on Wednesday. My Mom immediately called me at work and told me, and I told her I'd call her back Wednesday evening to get the details on the funeral. I struggled through the afternoon at work, then went home and called my Mom to get the funeral details, so I could make arrangements to travel. She didn't have the details yet. About 8PM on Wednesday, I found out that the funeral was 10AM on Thursday, 600 miles away. There's no way I can reasonably make that happen. My cousin is on my **** list, and will probably remain there forever.
 

Old Bear

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I generally don't give people I have a beef with enough value to lose any sleep over.

However, if someone ever gets on my list......it's a lifetime appointment:bat:
 

KellyinAvon

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I'm descended from a family out of Eastern Kentucky named McCoy. Enough said. I have half as much McCoy blood as Mom, also enough said.
 

Kozaturf

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A lot of that last one, forgive but never forget. There are some held grudges but mostly if it's bad enough for me to hold a grudge about and not be able to forgive it or reconcile it then they become a write off. Just being done with someone is easier than holding on to a grudge.
 

Hoosierdood

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Let me throw a short example out here. My Uncle, who was very dear to me and was also my Godfather, died on a Monday. His son, my cousin, didn't call my Mom until midday on Wednesday. My Mom immediately called me at work and told me, and I told her I'd call her back Wednesday evening to get the details on the funeral. I struggled through the afternoon at work, then went home and called my Mom to get the funeral details, so I could make arrangements to travel. She didn't have the details yet. about 8PM on Wednesday, I found out that the funeral was 10AM on Thursday, 600 miles away. There's no way I can reasonably make that happen. My cousin is on my **** list, and will probably remain there forever.

Was it intentional? Was it an oversight, and just got overlooked in the whirlwind of emotions? Did each family member think the other was going to inform everyone?

If it was intentional, and your cousin wanted to delay informing just to screw with you, thats serious. I'd confront said cousin (several days after funeral) and possibly be prepared to throw hands.

If it was a mistake, I would address it with the cousin, and inform them how that made me feel. Hopefully you get an apology. Let that one go.
 

churchmouse

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I used to... I used to worry about what others said/did and 'Correct' their actions...

First off, when you get into a fight (physical or verbal) and you come out beat up, it doesn't matter if you 'Won' or not...
You still get beat up, and you still look like an A-hole to most people that see/hear about it.
These would be people I actually care about their opinions.

The other way to look at it is,
A grudge is REALLY heavy to carry around for years or decades,
While the person you have the grudge with could probably care less, or is amused/entertained knowing you are still boiling about it.

The way I've come to view things is, there are people that simply aren't worth my time in any way.
When I'm done with someone that's it, I don't waste my time, they simply aren't worth a penny of my money, a second of my time or a second of my sleep.

I know some guys that had bad divorces, and HOPE the Ex's face catches fire so they can beat it out with a rake,
I've never had an Ex that kept me in court and away from my kids (no kids) so I haven't experienced that level of systematic harassment...

I probably have 'The List' some people do,
Where if the doctor said you had 'X' amount of weeks to live with no chance of recovery, taking *Some* people out before I kicked the bucket should be considered a public service, but like most people I don't think I'd ever act on it...

In all the scraps I have been in I never came out unscathed. Either physically or mentally. There is always a price.
 

Sigblaster

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I probably have 'The List' some people do,
Where if the doctor said you had 'X' amount of weeks to live with no chance of recovery, taking *Some* people out before I kicked the bucket should be considered a public service, but like most people I don't think I'd ever act on it...

Give me a couple weeks to live, and there are absolutely two people going down. The problem is, they are so geographically separated, that I'd have trouble deciding which one gets taken care of first, in case I get caught travelling between the first and the second. :):
 

churchmouse

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Let me throw a short example out here. My Uncle, who was very dear to me and was also my Godfather, died on a Monday. His son, my cousin, didn't call my Mom until midday on Wednesday. My Mom immediately called me at work and told me, and I told her I'd call her back Wednesday evening to get the details on the funeral. I struggled through the afternoon at work, then went home and called my Mom to get the funeral details, so I could make arrangements to travel. She didn't have the details yet. About 8PM on Wednesday, I found out that the funeral was 10AM on Thursday, 600 miles away. There's no way I can reasonably make that happen. My cousin is on my **** list, and will probably remain there forever.

Asses would be chewed. Seriously chewed. The 600 mile distance would save him a terrible FTF.
Were you at odds with the cousin or is he just an erect male member.

That is something you can not change but I could never forgive. Never.
The intense anger would pass and you will have to tuck that away in the folder with the other douche-baggery we are dealt by family.
 
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I dont consider it holding a grudge. You screwed me, youve stated your position, anything prior to the moment you screwed me is like everything else.
gone with the wind. You can redeem yourself if possible or if you have a reason i can identify with.

these things dont fade with time. Ill cut you out like tumor if you show yourself to be cancerous
 

Hoosierdood

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My "list" contains exactly 3 people.

1. My wife's parents - too many reasons to list.
2. Trusted friend who turned on me, forcing me to resign my job, resulting in my family being homeless and unemployed.
3. Close friend who I bent over backwards to help, and he screwed me out of a bunch of money.
 

churchmouse

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Give me a couple weeks to live, and there are absolutely two people going down. The problem is, they are so geographically separated, that I'd have trouble deciding which one gets taken care of first, in case I get caught travelling between the first and the second. :):

As I get older my list is taking care of itself. They are dropping like fly's and I was no where near. Karma is a serious lady.
What was maybe 10 is now at 2.
 

Sigblaster

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Was it intentional? Was it an oversight, and just got overlooked in the whirlwind of emotions? Did each family member think the other was going to inform everyone?

If it was intentional, and your cousin wanted to delay informing just to screw with you, thats serious. I'd confront said cousin (several days after funeral) and possibly be prepared to throw hands.

If it was a mistake, I would address it with the cousin, and inform them how that made me feel. Hopefully you get an apology. Let that one go.

I don't know. There's a lot of backstory to this.

Let's just say that my family has become very small over the past few decades, and typically in my family word of someone passing moves very quickly. In this case, it did not.
 

Sigblaster

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As I get older my list is taking care of itself. They are dropping like fly's and I was no where near. Karma is a serious lady.
What was maybe 10 is now at 2.

Hahahaha, I've found that to be true too.

One night, I was on leave visiting my old home town, hanging out with an old buddy at a crappy little bar, and in walks the brother of my ex-wife. This guy doesn't know the whole story of our divorce, so obviously he hates me. Wants to kill me, actually.

You've met me. I'm not a particularly threatening looking guy, but he knows I know how to fight. After some random ****-chat between him and me and my buddy, the ex-BIL leaves. About 10 minutes later, there's a call at the bar, and it's for me. It's my ex-wife, and she tells me to get the F out of there, because he just came home and grabbed his shotgun and left, saying how he was going to go and kill me.

Me and my buddy moved on to another ****ty bar, and he didn't get a shot at me that night, or any other time. He died of cancer a couple years later.

It's so much easier when time takes care of your adversaries.

EDIT: Ok, I understand that there is a naughty languge filter here, and I understand the filtering of Ess H I T, but really, I can't post Cee H I T? LOL, fix that.
 
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churchmouse

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My "list" contains exactly 3 people.

1. My wife's parents - too many reasons to list.
2. Trusted friend who turned on me, forcing me to resign my job, resulting in my family being homeless and unemployed.
3. Close friend who I bent over backwards to help, and he screwed me out of a bunch of money.

Uh......that would be 4.
 
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