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Be sure to read this post! Beware of scammers. https://www.indianagunowners.com/threads/classifieds-new-online-payment-guidelines-rules-paypal-venmo-zelle-etc.511734/
INGO: Joke of the day page
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Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight .
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow.
" Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow.
" Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
A group of professors were called and sat on a plane.
When the doors closed and the plane is about to take off, all the professors were informed that this plane is made by their students. Then all the professors rush toward the plane doors, trying to escape and survive on their own with exception of One professor remain seated with so much confidence and calmness.
Someone's asked him why you're not escaping the plane.
Professor answer him with confidence, they are our students.
Next Question: are you sure that you taught them well?
Professor replied quietly: I'm Sure it won't fly.
When the doors closed and the plane is about to take off, all the professors were informed that this plane is made by their students. Then all the professors rush toward the plane doors, trying to escape and survive on their own with exception of One professor remain seated with so much confidence and calmness.
Someone's asked him why you're not escaping the plane.
Professor answer him with confidence, they are our students.
Next Question: are you sure that you taught them well?
Professor replied quietly: I'm Sure it won't fly.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
nonobaddog
Grandmaster
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”
“No,” he replied, “I've never done either.”
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.
“No, I've never done any of those things either.”
“Well then,” said the doctor,
“Why do you want to live to be a hundred?”
The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”
“No,” he replied, “I've never done either.”
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.
“No, I've never done any of those things either.”
“Well then,” said the doctor,
“Why do you want to live to be a hundred?”
Did you hear about the guy born without eyelids?
They used his foreskin
He ended up being alright, just a little cockeyed.
They used his foreskin
He ended up being alright, just a little cockeyed.
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00."
She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register.
And in the meantime the woman farts.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00."
She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register.
And in the meantime the woman farts.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something amazing , would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this." The man says "In the alley way behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing, because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this." The man says "In the alley way behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing, because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
I may never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.
I may never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.
From one of my guys in our Toronto office:
God was working on the final piece of the world and he said to his angels, “This is Canada, and it’s going to be amazing. It will have diverse animals, fish, and plants. I’m also giving it oil, diamonds, and gold. It will also have sunny beaches, sparkling lakes, awe-inspiring waterfalls, lush forests, vast plains, and majestic mountains.”
One of the angels asked, “God, aren’t you giving Canadians too much?”
“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” said God with a smile on his face, “Wait till you see what kind of neighbors I’m giving them.”
God was working on the final piece of the world and he said to his angels, “This is Canada, and it’s going to be amazing. It will have diverse animals, fish, and plants. I’m also giving it oil, diamonds, and gold. It will also have sunny beaches, sparkling lakes, awe-inspiring waterfalls, lush forests, vast plains, and majestic mountains.”
One of the angels asked, “God, aren’t you giving Canadians too much?”
“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” said God with a smile on his face, “Wait till you see what kind of neighbors I’m giving them.”
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