There was once a snail who paid 300 grand to buy a '72 Hemi Challenger in original and mint condition. He took it to a custom paint shop and told them to paint a large "S" on the side. The shop said "Man, you sure you want to do that to a mint '72 Challenger that is all original? You're gonna kill the value!" The snail replied, "Yep. When I go flying down the street I want people to stare and say 'Man, look at the S car go!' "
A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.
Despite her best attempts she was unable to separate them. She called her vet and explained the problem to him.
Annoyed, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it on the floor alongside the dogs. I will call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and you will be able to separate them.”
“Do you really think that will work?” she asked.
“Just worked for me.”