The recent threads about tickets reminded me of this one I heard years ago...
One time a police officer was on patrol just south of Bluffton, IN, when he noticed a car parked in the middle of the road. As he pulled up behind the vehicle, he realized it wasn't parked, but just moving at what appeared to be the slowest crawl possible without completely stopping. The officer turned on his lights, and the vehicle pulled over to the side of the road. When he approached the front window, he saw that the driver was a little old nun, barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel. In a friendly manner, he explained that he had noticed her driving slowly, and asked if she was experiencing any vehicle trouble. "No, officer," she replied "I was just following the speed limit. The sign just back there said speed limit of 1." Holding back his laughter, the officer explained to her that the sign she had seen was indicating that this is Highway 1, not that the speed limit is 1 mph. Just then the officer noticed that there were two other nuns in the rear of the vehicle. Both of them were leaning back in their seats, tensed up and still as statues. One was staring at the ceiling unblinking, with a blank expression on her face, and the other had her eyes tightly shut, her lips mouthing a silent prayer while she held her rosary beads tightly between her fingers. "Is something wrong with your friends back there?" he asked the driver with concern. "Oh, they're fine officer," answered the first nun, "They're just a little frightened, you see, we just got off of 218."
You’re not going to believe what happened...
I went to the local convenience store here to get gas and a coffee.
As I walked up, I noticed 2 Police officers watching some dude who was smoking while pumping gas...I saw him and thought, Is he really that stupid?....anyway, I went in and got my coffee and as I was checking out, I heard screaming and looked outside...the guy's arm was on fire!
He was swinging his arm and running around going crazy! I ran outside and watched the cops put him on the ground and they were putting the fire out w/their coffees! LOL, YES, THEIR COFFEES!..
Then, they handcuffed him and threw him in the back of the police car.
I thought, dumb butt shouldn't have been smoking near the pump while getting gas!!!
So being the nosy person I am, I asked the Police officers, Why are you arresting him? The cop looked me dead in my eyes and said: FOR WAVING A FIREARM!!!
A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead."
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back."
If he fixes your computer for free, I guess you have to take it and "like it".
Just like in the movie Tombstone when Kurt Russell B**** slaps Billy Bob Thorton. BBT now has to call KR "daddy" for the rest of the movie.