Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[actaeon277]

https://www.military.com/daily-news...-hired-10-prostitutes-philippines-report.html
Sacked Sub Commander Hired 10 Prostitutes in Philippines: Report



The tipster said Zettel told him and another sailor that he'd "ordered ten girls," the report said. Another sailor told investigators he saw Zettel walking around and talking to other sailors in his command with "three local females holding onto his arm."

Capt. Travis Zettel, who lost his job on board the USS Bremerton in late August because of "a loss in confidence in his ability to command,"


Loss in confidence?
WTF?
I bet he was a friggin hero to the crew, and they had plenty of confidence.
10 girls worth of confidence.

 

[Alamo]

... I had to ride in the back of a 5 Ton full of stainless steel kitchen equipment, 25 mimes, ...

So it was a quiet ride?

 

[2A_Tom]

Lexdyxia.

 

[2A_Tom]

I am looking for the Surface Warfare guys in here.

I have a lot of funny stories but I did not intend this to be just an Airborne thread.

Come on Armor, Hi Hi He Arty folk, we know there are no funny Marine stories, but every one has a Butter Bar Lieutenant or Ensign story. That is unless You were a Butter Bar and never developed the ability to laugh at yourself.

 

[Brad69]

Wow you guys remember way more about you service than I do!

 

[KellyinAvon]

https://www.military.com/daily-news...-hired-10-prostitutes-philippines-report.html
Sacked Sub Commander Hired 10 Prostitutes in Philippines: Report



The tipster said Zettel told him and another sailor that he'd "ordered ten girls," the report said. Another sailor told investigators he saw Zettel walking around and talking to other sailors in his command with "three local females holding onto his arm."

Capt. Travis Zettel, who lost his job on board the USS Bremerton in late August because of "a loss in confidence in his ability to command,"


Loss in confidence?
WTF?
I bet he was a friggin hero to the crew, and they had plenty of confidence.
10 girls worth of confidence.

Was this like the Columbia trip/Secret Service Agent deal? Did he not pay the hookers? Oh, he paid and got dimed-out. 10? Hell, Sailors will be writing songs about this guy!

 

[Alamo]

Wow you guys remember way more about you service than I do!

Once you pop the hatch on one incident, others seem to start pouring out as well.

 

[2A_Tom]

Wow you guys remember way more about you service than I do!

Have you been assessed for gulf war syndrome? I understand that can mess with your memory.

As for us older guys with Oldtimers Disease We can't remember yesterday, but have total recall from 40 years ago, when our minds were sharp.

Maybe the young guys minds were never sharp.

 

[flatlander]

Had guy when I was in The Corps, yeah went Marines then Army, that was a huge pain in the a$$. Thought he was a true rough tough Marine after he graduated Bootcamp. Was talking HUGE trash to some young Hispanics at the San Diego airport. When I came back from my leave, he was still at MCRD San Diego, but looked different. It must have been the casts covering both arms and the fact his jaw was wired shut
I believe he got a dishonorable discharge as a result
Then there was the time I woke up with the bottom of my sleeping bag hanging off a 500' cliff while doing Mountain Warfare at Bridgeport. Didn't check well enough when we got there since it was dark and late. Being curled around a little scrub tree was the only thing that stopped me from going over the edge. I had slid down about 5' from where I had laid down at. Good times.

BTW, there is NO way I'd ever go in a submarine for the exact reasons actaeon states. SCREW THAT !!!

Bob

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Wow you guys remember way more about you service than I do!

A TBI from an IED will leave you with memory gaps. I remember lots from the early years. All the peace time (cold war) training, antics and such, but there is a lot missing from my last combat deployment (04-06).

I know I got away with threatening one of my fellow NCOs after he shot my dog on the SGM's orders. (the same SGM who had a cat in his TOC)


I know that the CAB (that they tend to give away to POGs everywhere) means more to me than my CIB. Just depends on what unit you're in, and what happens at that time. It turns out I saw more action as an 88M the last trip, than I did as an 11B the first go round. I served in an Infantry line unit, in combat, even as an Infantry Drill SGT, but I personally never directly engaged an enemy combatant, as a grunt. However, as a Section Sgt in a trans unit, we got hit damn near every time we left the wire. Mortars, RPGs, small arms, IEDs, VBIEDs... One day, I engaged. and took out 6 enemy in personal combat, while dismounted, within maybe 5 - 10 minutes... while serving as a truck driver.

Of course, I also know that they DID end up giving the CAB to a lot of undeserving fobbits in my unit, just because the base was hit by mortars a few times.



Cool story: I once even went on a mission alone. Yes, a one truck mission. My plt went on a mission that I was able to get out of. I was recovering from my IED. They were taking fuel to a British camp, but had an accident, and rolled one of the trucks. So they were stuck out in the middle of ijun territory waiting on recovery and medivac. Top came running through tent city looking for someone to take a truck to the Brits with some fuel ASAP because they were about to run out. Nobody around but this Cpl, and I. We got voluntold. Just us, our truck, and a gun truck. We waved as we rolled by our guys... Damn rolled rig was 100 meters out in the desert. Driver had a heat injury and passed out driving. Were had off loaded the fuel to the Brits, ate supper, and I was chasing a camel spider when they rolled in hrs later. I later sent it home in a CD case. (dead of course)

No, we didn't get hit that time, thank God. Would have sucked us being alone. We did on the way home, but I was with the guys then, plus we had an extra gun truck, the one I brought.

 

[Brad69]

This is one of those “hey you” stories!

I was told on Tuesday to report to Ft.Benning on Thursday for a Light Recon leaders course.
At the time (1998) I was a Squad leader SSG/E6 stationed at Ft.Polk,LA assigned to a Recon Company. I went to this school with no prep, no notice, no studying.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Reconnaissance_and_Surveillance_Leaders_Course

WTF?
I truly faded into the crowd and didn’t say much and passed. No way would I be able to do half the tasks required now.

 

[repeter1977]

When I was stuck in Recruiting (voluntold), I would teach Combatives at the Schools, just to get out of making phone calls. Granted, when I joined, it was unarmed Self Defense and then changed. Well, I had the FM, and quite a bit of experience due to a previous unit (we did combatives every Wednesday) and just a lot of breaking up fights and fighting that I had done. Word gets to Germany as I am headed over that, that I am Combatives level 3 (Only goes to 4, and 3 and 4 both have to go to Bragg or Benning for training). I get there, Command asks and I am honest, I had only been trained in unarmed. The Soldiers on the other hand totally believed that I was and never ever wanted to mess with me. I decided to go the Lt. Spears route and just let them think it was true. Although I did help out when we did Combatives as I did know more than some of the others that were training.

 

[Mgderf]

I'll play.
Circa 1979 or '80. Can't recall for sure. Regardless, the month was September, and the setting was the U.S. Airforce station at Keflavik Iceland.

My job was ground support equipment for a squadron of F4J Phantoms. I know, I know...
My job included towing aircraft from here to there, at any damned time "they" say, without question or argument...

So, it's 3:00am, in Iceland, in September, and I'm warm and cozy in the flight line office when someone decides they need aircraft #14 inside the hanger.
I put on my parka and head out to the flight line. Warm up my tug, attach a tow-bar and hook up to #14.
ALL towed aircraft MUST have wheel strut-locks and canopy locks installed, as well as a person to "ride brakes" while in-tow.

Hooked up all strut locks, found a brakeman, hooked up the tow-bar...check, check, check, and off we go at the break-neck speed of 3 miles an hour.
Wing-tips are folded and I have plenty of room so I begin the turn to go around to the door side of the hanger.
In the middle of the turn I came to an immediate and abrupt stop!
It felt just like I had hit something!

I turned to look behind the tug and the brakeman was already out of the plane and standing 30 feet away!
The plane is listing badly. One wingtip looks like it's on the ground! Oh Holy S***!
I was confused. I knew for a fact that I had properly installed all of the wheel locks, but this main gear looked folded!

Upon closer inspection, I was both relieved and PISSED at the same time.
I had dragged the main gear of a 20+ton aircraft over a manhole cover, and it broke!
The landing gear was not folded. it dropped into a hole about 2 feet deep.

Half of the base needed awaken to deal with the debacle.
The base safety officer needed notified, as well as my commanding officer...what a mess.

As soon as I saw what the culprit was I started throwing a hissy fit.
I started yelling at everyone that would listen to me that I thought that man-hole cover should have been able to hold the weight of the plane, or it should have been marked.
"This is NOT my fault. and I'm NOT going to take responsibility for this!"

Everyone agreed, thank God, or I would STILL be enlisted trying to pay off the damages.
Totals were impressive.
Popped a 27 ply tire.
Broke wheel hub
Bent main strut
Crushed wing fuel tank
Not to mention the Cherry-Picker crane it took to lift it out of the hole.

Oh the good times...
Somewhere I still have a piece of that man-hole cover.

 

[repeter1977]

I'll play.
Circa 1979 or '80. Can't recall for sure. Regardless, the month was September, and the setting was the U.S. Airforce station at Keflavik Iceland.

My job was ground support equipment for a squadron of F4J Phantoms. I know, I know...
My job included towing aircraft from here to there, at any damned time "they" say, without question or argument...

So, it's 3:00am, in Iceland, in September, and I'm warm and cozy in the flight line office when someone decides they need aircraft #14 inside the hanger.
I put on my parka and head out to the flight line. Warm up my tug, attach a tow-bar and hook up to #14.
ALL towed aircraft MUST have wheel strut-locks and canopy locks installed, as well as a person to "ride brakes" while in-tow.

Hooked up all strut locks, found a brakeman, hooked up the tow-bar...check, check, check, and off we go at the break-neck speed of 3 miles an hour.
Wing-tips are folded and I have plenty of room so I begin the turn to go around to the door side of the hanger.
In the middle of the turn I came to an immediate and abrupt stop!
It felt just like I had hit something!

I turned to look behind the tug and the brakeman was already out of the plane and standing 30 feet away!
The plane is listing badly. One wingtip looks like it's on the ground! Oh Holy S***!
I was confused. I knew for a fact that I had properly installed all of the wheel locks, but this main gear looked folded!

Upon closer inspection, I was both relieved and PISSED at the same time.
I had dragged the main gear of a 20+ton aircraft over a manhole cover, and it broke!
The landing gear was not folded. it dropped into a hole about 2 feet deep.

Half of the base needed awaken to deal with the debacle.
The base safety officer needed notified, as well as my commanding officer...what a mess.

As soon as I saw what the culprit was I started throwing a hissy fit.
I started yelling at everyone that would listen to me that I thought that man-hole cover should have been able to hold the weight of the plane, or it should have been marked.
"This is NOT my fault. and I'm NOT going to take responsibility for this!"

Everyone agreed, thank God, or I would STILL be enlisted trying to pay off the damages.
Totals were impressive.
Popped a 27 ply tire.
Broke wheel hub
Bent main strut
Crushed wing fuel tank
Not to mention the Cherry-Picker crane it took to lift it out of the hole.

Oh the good times...
Somewhere I still have a piece of that man-hole cover.

Wow, that would have sucked tremendously. Like, more than words could convey.

 

[Vigilant]

Weird, I have never heard of an Air Base with bad food.

” Bad” being relative to the last time you slept in a bed with a pillow, and didn’t end the duty day at 1630-1700.

 

[Alamo]

...
My job included towing aircraft from here to there, at any damned time "they" say, without question or argument...

So, it's 3:00am,...

Airplane tow stories:

First story: Early in my career, which started in 1982 (or 1978 if you count AFROTC), one of the northern tier bases that had KC-135s had some problem on the ramp that required the base CE to dig a big hole in it. For whatever reason they were not able to fill in and repave the hole right away, so they covered it with sheets of plywood painted orange to keep the weather out.

That night it snowed a bit, enough to cover the plywood. The night maintenance people started towing a KC-135 and boom! one of the main gear finds the hole and drops in. Reports go up the chain to the Wing Commander, who immediately fired the MA (the O-6 in charge of maintenance for the wing). That's why we heard about this at other bases. I'm sure stuff rolled down hill after that.

Second story: I was at NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen for this. On weekends the airfield was closed to flying, the neighbors were always grumping about the noise (and E-3s are pretty noisy). But maintenance work continues, so one weekend the maintainers are working on an E-3. After they finish they need to tow it across the runway to an area set up to run the engines, where the noise and jet blast can be deflected, not bother the rest of the ramp, and maybe not rile the neighbors so much, I guess. There was a guy driving the tug, a guy in the cockpit to ride the brakes, and there were supposed to be wing walkers at each wing tip to make sure they did not bump into anything.

But it's the weekend, the runway is closed, there are no other activities so instead the wing walkers hop in a vehicle with some other guys and head over to the run-up area to wait. But even so because there is movement on the field and work in the hangers, the fire department has a truck nearby and the (Thank God) the control tower is manned and a controller is watching the tow process. The E-3 is on one of the taxiways between the maintenance ramp and the runway when the tower controller radios the fire truck, asking if the E-3 is going to clear them -- because the fire truck is parked on the berm next to and parallel to the taxiway. The taxiway that is wide enough for the landing gear track, but narrow enough that the wings overhang the berms...

The investigation report noted that there was silence for a bit after the tower controller's call, then suddenly the doors on both sides of the fire truck flew open and firefighters dove out. A few seconds later the outboard engine (E-3 is a 707 airframe, two engines on each wing) smashes head-on into the cab of the fire truck, completely demolishing it (saw the pictures). The E-3 now starts pivoting on the outboard engine, snaps the shear pin on the tow bar, and breaks free. It continues to roll and turn about 90 degrees until the inboard engine smashes into the side of the fire truck. This brings the E-3 to a halt. Class-A accident, had to fly a team in from Boeing, new wing and engines and who knows what else to repair the bird.

There was no explanation in the report as to why the firefighters did not see the number 4 engine coming at them until just before it hit but...everybody assumed they had been sleeping. Happily at least the tower controller was on the ball.

 

[Alamo]

Today's Anniversary:

From Jan 93? I think to about Jul 97 I was assigned to the NAVSTAR Joint GPS Program Office (JPO) at Los Angeles AFB, CA. That was a great assignment and one where I really felt I had a large, positive impact on the US military's mission. I worked in the User Equipment Segment, which means GPS receivers. The GPS architecture also had a Space Segment (GPS Satellites), a Ground Segment (control facility in Colorado), and the Nuclear Detection (or NuDet) system, which wasn't related to GPS at all except that it hitchhiked on the satellite.

The Space Segment guys of course contracted out and oversaw production of the satellites. For a satellite program they built a LOT of satellites, but still "production" was kind of slow and individualistic - each satellite was project unto itself. One of my peers there oversaw the production of the first Block IIR satellite to be launched. It was basically his life for two or three years. It was produced, tested, packaged for shipment, sent to Florida, mounted on a Delta rocket, and readied for launch. Basically his job was done and he (and I a couple other guys form the JPO were sent to acquisition school at Fort Belvoir, VA early in Jan 97.

On the day of the launch, 17 January 1997 (today minus 21 years), he and I were at the post gym playing racquetball around noon, the time of the launch. I was in one court with some other guys, and he was in a different one playing against someone else. There was a TV out in the lobby/vestibule/open area outside the courts and I knew the launch was going to be televised, so I quit a little early and we came out to watch, but he was still playing and missed the launch.

The rocket took off, and a few seconds into the launch there was a big flash. Bits of rocket went in all directions. Turned out later the GPS satellite payload survived the initial explosion(s), but not the impact with the ground.

My bud came out from playing racquetball and asked me if they had launched yet. I told him what had just happened. He kind of stooped a bit, eyes round, mouth open, arms hanging, and he stood absolutely still like that for a minute or two, just staring into space. Then he stood up, said something like "Oh well," and walked off.

Three years worth of his life up in smoke and tossed in the dirt. Not to mention millions of dollars and a setback to both Delta launches in general and populating the GPS constellation.

Happily my assignment's effort got produced in the thousands and in all likelihood, is still flying around the world today on board hundreds, if not thousands of military aircraft.

 

[Mgderf]

Three years worth of his life up in smoke and tossed in the dirt. Not to mention millions of dollars and a setback to both Delta launches in general and populating the GPS constellation.

I have a customer who is an actual rocket scientist.
He's been working for the last decade or so on the "Mission to Mars".
Nice guy, but kind of "distant" some times. Like he wanders out of reality, then meanders back...

 

[johntheplinker]

Here's one that is funny in hindsight but could have gotten ugly. I spent quite a bit of time in Germany in the 2nd Armored Cav Regiment. Now,the 2nd Cav spent a huge amount of time in the field, what with border patrols, gunnery, and assorted other FTXs it added up. So, we tried to make the best of the situation and find entertainment when, where, and however we could.
Back in early 83 we were getting ready to go to Graf. Got called into Top's office along with a buddy of mine, we had reputations for being wild and rowdy and just knew we were busted. Considering the 2/2ACR in general was regarded as being rather undisciplined when in the rear, that was saying something.
Nope, was informed I had 2 hours to get ready to go for advance party ammo guard and that we'd be there for 2 or 3 days then be relieved, plenty of time to come back then leave with the rest of the troop for gunnery in a couple of weeks. No problem.
Get to the ammo point, no ammo to guard so the NCOIC says we'd do 1 guard pulling 1 hour shifts every 16 hours watching a empty gravel lot. Sham duty!
My buddy and I get to looking at a map, and find a small town about 2 clicks or so back through the woods. So, being the good cav troopers we were we decided that rather than sit around twiddling our thumbs we'd go check things out, maybe grab a beer or 3 and be back in plenty of time for our shifts.
So, we did, find a little gasthaus, have some beers, and managed to get in good with a couple of the young ladies of the town. Next day, go back, meet up with the ladies, and have a few more beers. And the day after, and the day after,etc. Needless to say but I was enjoying myself! About day 5 we'd sent a message back about being forgotten, told to hang on another day and we'd be relieved. When my relief didn't show up I wasn't disappointed.
So on about day 13 or 14 after "visiting" with this fraulein I go back with her to this little gasthaus for a goodnight beer before heading back to camp. When we got back there, there were a couple other troopers sitting there, noticed they had their M16s with them and thought to myself, "that ain't good". Well, I ended up having quite a few more than 1. Suddenly I hear a voice behind me, "who drove the truck?" and I turn around and find myself staring down the barrel of a grease gun, M3 .45 submachine gun for those who didn't know. About 6" from my face. With a mag inserted. With the cover open. Talk about a Oh **** moment. All I could say was, "Simone, I think I need to go."
Beat feet back to camp and its a beehive of activity. While I was gone the ammo showed up along with a mess of trucks and assorted ammo folks and truck drivers. With the ammo showing up we had to go to a 2 on, 6 off shift with 2 guards. And guess who was more than slightly inebriated and their shift was starting very shortly? Needless to say the NCOIC was pissed off. After my shift I was informed that the Squadron SGM would be there in the morning to sort things out with myself and the other troopers that were in the bar.
SGM shows up, we're at parade rest in front of the ammo point. SGM talks to the other guys first, they tell him I took the truck. AW HELL NO! NCOIC tells SGM that I was gone long before the trucks showed up that I couldn't have taken it. He proceeds to get to the bottom of things, informs them that they were in deep doo-doo when we get back to post. Now its my turn. I tell the SGM that I had been out here for over 2 weeks instead of the few days as I was instructed, that I was bored out of my skull so went exploring and found the town, got in good with a lady and made the best of my situation. Asked me if I took a weapon with me. No I did not, Sargent Major. Told me to report back to my 1SG, who along with the rest of the squadron was now also in Graf.
Reported back to Top, told him what happened, he nodded his head, told me to be a little more discrete about my...adventures in the future and that was that.
Oh, and the truck drivers got field grade article 15s, lost a couple of stripes each and a bunch of money.

 

[2A_Tom]

THTR