Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[KellyinAvon]

Best food I ever ate military wise, in Qatar on my 4 day R&R at the Air Force Base. Ate so much it made me sick, finished being sick and went back for more. Regretted nothing. Also smuggled quite a bit of soda (Root Beer and Dr. Pepper) that wasn't even in Iraq. And I understand logistics, but I know supply and demand too.
Although, when my mom mailed homemade cookies, I got first dibs and everyone else literally fought for some. Had to ask mom to send more. Really thankful for that memory.

Ah yes, Al Udeid, my stomping grounds in 2005. I bet that was at the ginormous chow hall in Coalition Compound. The one out at CAOC (Coalition Air Operations Center) Compound was better For as huge as they were Balad, Iraq had pretty good chow. The guys passing through Al Udeid from Kirkuk (north of the Kurds, south of Mosul IIRC) said our food sucked. Don't know what they had but it must've been really good. Don't confuse Al Udeid with CENTCOM Forward in Doha, they had a Chilis in 2005 and we couldn't get on their base. Ul Udeid is so far in the middle of nowhere with nothing around you can see the Earth curve
Best and wort chow halls: both in Iceland. Best was the West End (of the flightline) chow hall at Keflavik. Even better than Rockville Iceland (Radar site about 7 miles from the main base.) Needless to say both were Air Force. Worst: Keflavik NAS EDF (Enlisted Dining Facility, or Early Death Facility.) That was awful.

 

[cce1302]

2005 in Al Anbar province, chow was consistently pretty good across any of the KBR chowhalls I ate in.

Currently eating @ Norwegian military chow halls. Better than any stateside US Military chow I've eaten. Salmon and other fish fairly regularly, even reindeer on occasion. salad shrimp a couple days a week, brie on the weekends. What's not to like?

 

[Hohn]

The best food I've eaten at a messhall and location: cheeseburgers --> Schofield Barracks, Hawaii, pancakes --> Hickam Air Force Base, Hawaii and pancakes (tied with Hickam AFB) Osan AFB, South Korea. I'm Army Infantry.

The Italian-operated chow hall at Aviano is hands down the best military food I've ever had. Easily the best TDY/deployment I ever had ("deploying" to Italy doesn't sound right for some reason).

 

[Alamo]

The best food I've eaten at a messhall and location: cheeseburgers --> Schofield Barracks, Hawaii, pancakes --> Hickam Air Force Base, Hawaii and pancakes (tied with Hickam AFB) Osan AFB, South Korea. I'm Army Infantry.

NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen, home of NATO AWACS, Had a fantastic dining hall in the late 80s early 90s. All the cooks were during civilians and those men knew how to cook.
Plus it was cheap. Lunch was like five marks. Every November they had a special Thanksgiving event All daySatirday and sold tickets to attend. They sold out in no time. Are used to come to the beach early to eat before I went to work because for single guy I could not make my own food as well or as cheaply as I could buy it at the Star Chef. Supper too. The only reason to stay away was to try to avoid gaining weight.

They worst dining hall Was at NATO forward operating base Konya. It was a Turkish air base And I think they use prisoners to make stew out of roadkill or something. It was truly vile stuff. When our crews deployed to Konya everybody took their own food

 

[Alamo]

I also had a lot of good food eating at at Prince Sultan Air Base. Not at the American combatant camp, but in the Royal Saudi Air Force Central Maintenance Facility. An RSAF brigadier general headed the CMF And I guess he liked good food Because the mess facility was top-notch, and he also hosted a lot of goat grabs at his tent out in front of the CMF. Yes he had a big desert tent like you see in Bugs Bunny cartoons. It is where he entertained distinguish visitors, and DVs always called for a big party with roast goat. And Arab pastries. Mmmmmm.

 

[vvet762]

Not a real Ft. Bragg story unless it involves scrubbing toilets with a tooth brush or so I heard.

Exactly why I did a second tour in Vietnam. Didn't want to do the garbage details.

 

[vvet762]

When an "airborne" guy calls you a leg...if he isn't in a plane, or on his way down...he's a leg, too.

As Rooster Cogburn would say "Fill your hand you SOB". After my first jump I was never a leg!

 

[vvet762]

You haven't lived until the cherry next to you pulls you out of the Huey by your field pant legs on your 6th jump. After you clear the skid you realize you're upside down. It will fix itself. Then bicycle out of the twisted risers. Start to enjoy the ride until the same idiot is running towards you, with the wind, and mirrors you pulling your toggle. Bam, he slams into you. He then pulls both toggles and drops below you. Looking up, you see your chute deflate, because since he was under you and couldn't see he lets go of his toggles. Long story short, did you know it's about 30' from top of canopy to your shoulders? Neither did I but that's about how far I fell onto the packed runway on St. Mere without air in my chute. Cracked and dislocated a couple of things in my legs but if I could have got up I would have killed that trooper. Saw him running away across the DZ never to be seen again.
And thus started my Airborne career.
A leg will always be a leg as far as an Airborne trooper goes, but, the wings on your chest make you Airborne forever.

Bob

I've been out of the Army for 48 years and you are the first person to know what bicycle out means. I did see a few Mae Wests and a cigarette roll but the only thing that happened to me was my elbows were always out which spun me and caused a thick rope of static lines. The bicycle out cleared that up. The guy behind me in one of the jumps tangled with a paratrooper from the other side of the airplane. Two T10's and one reserve cigarette rolled. The last reserve got them down and both survived. Things an 18 year old laughs at.

 

[2A_Tom]

I was on CQ and the first guy in after that days jump (in '74 my company had a jump nearly every day) and tells me Pete Watson burned in.

O , Pete is a good guy.

A couple of guys come in that had landed near him came by and told me how bad it was, "He was a bloody mess." "I puked when I saw him." "I saw him hit, he bounced 6 feet."

All day long all I hear is bad and worse news.

1800 in walks Pete. I almost fall over. "What the heck happened, Pete."

When he jumped he counted 4 thousand and checked his canopy. He saw that he had a cigarette roll, so he pulled his reserve. (this was before the days that they taught to hold it in, strip the static lines and throw it away from your body) When he pulled his reserve it cigarette rolled around his main chute. He had about 5% lift and was falling at about 110 MPH.

He told me "I prayed and said this will be my best PLF or my Last PLF." (It turned out to be both, I couldn't talk him into getting back on the horse)

It turns out that when he landed he did a perfect PLF, but the momentum carried him through a perfect reverse PLF and he popped up off the ground and landed on his back. It knocked the wind out of him and he bit his lip. He lay there on his back trying to catch his back and sputtering blood all over his face and chest.

The good thing is a former Marine Sergeant got to him, gave him First Aid and directed in the MedEvac chopper.

Pete compressed a vertebrae and had to wear a back brace for a while. He terminated jump status.

 

[2A_Tom]

US Paratrooper Theme Song

[h=1]Blood Upon the Risers (Gory Gory What A Hell Of A Way To Die)[/h]
[Verse 1]
He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright,
He checked off his equipment and made sure his pack was tight;
He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar,
You ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain't gonna jump no more

[Verse 2]
"Is everybody happy?" cried the Sergeant looking up,
Our hero Feebly answered "yes," and then they stood him up;
He jumped into the icy blast, his static line unhooked,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
He counted long, he counted loud, he waited for the shock,
He felt the wind, he felt the cold, he felt the awful drop,
The silk from his reserves spilled out, and wrapped around his legs,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 4]
The risers swung around his neck, connectors cracked his dome,
Suspension lines were tied in knots around his skinny bones;
The canopy became his shroud; he hurtled to the ground.
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 5]
The days he'd lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind,
He thought about the girl back home, the one he'd left behind;
He thought about the medic corps, and wondered what they'd find,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 6]
The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild,
The medics jumped and screamed with glee, they rolled their sleeves and smiled,
For it had been a week or more since last a 'chute had failed,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]


[Verse 7]
He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT", his blood went spurting high;
His comrades, they were heard to say "a hell of a way to die!"
He lay there, rolling 'round in the welter of his gore,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 8]
There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon the chute,
Intestines were a-dangling from his paratroopers suit,
He was a mess, they picked him up, and poured him from his boots,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

 

[SnoopLoggyDog]

1983 at Ahlhorn Air Base, Germany. It was a Forward Operating Location for our A-10s out of RAF Woodbridge. On this particular rotation, we had a new jeep 2nd Lt, who was all thrust and no vector. Our Chief Master Sgt (CMSgt) hated him with a passion. We would do aircraft quick turns, (Combat Turns) in CBRN gear. The butterbar would ride around with the Chief in the line truck, making a million comments and being a general pain. One morning, the Chief dropped the butterbar Lt off at a line shack, and told him to stand by for instructions via phone call.

There sat the clueless Lt waiting on a phone call for the next several hours. Late in the afternoon, the Chief picked him up and told him he did a great job. What the Chief did not tell him, was the fact the the phone line was dead, and the Lt never checked.

 

[cce1302]

As Rooster Cogburn would say "Fill your hand you SOB". After my first jump I was never a leg!

haha unless you're in midair, you're the same as the rest of us!!

 

[2A_Tom]

haha unless you're in midair, you're the same as the rest of us!!

See post #2 My quote about legs and everyone that rides.

 

[repeter1977]

Ah yes, Al Udeid, my stomping grounds in 2005. I bet that was at the ginormous chow hall in Coalition Compound. The one out at CAOC (Coalition Air Operations Center) Compound was better For as huge as they were Balad, Iraq had pretty good chow. The guys passing through Al Udeid from Kirkuk (north of the Kurds, south of Mosul IIRC) said our food sucked. Don't know what they had but it must've been really good. Don't confuse Al Udeid with CENTCOM Forward in Doha, they had a Chilis in 2005 and we couldn't get on their base. Ul Udeid is so far in the middle of nowhere with nothing around you can see the Earth curve
Best and wort chow halls: both in Iceland. Best was the West End (of the flightline) chow hall at Keflavik. Even better than Rockville Iceland (Radar site about 7 miles from the main base.) Needless to say both were Air Force. Worst: Keflavik NAS EDF (Enlisted Dining Facility, or Early Death Facility.) That was awful.

Weird, I have never heard of an Air Base with bad food. But I am sure it happens.

Hungary, the food on the "deployment" there wasn't bad (this was in 2000). Poor Hungarians working the gate were there for 24 hours, they had a chunk of bread (which was actually pretty damn good) and a little can of meat. We ended sneaking plates of food to them so they could eat more than once in 24 hours. They shared the bread with us and it was well worth it. Especially since we didn't pay for the food. I did pick up some of the language over the 6 months there (we were also in Croatia and Bosnia for a bit too, ended up being around 7 month deployment). It was one of the best times.

 

[SnoopLoggyDog]

Best food in a military dining facility, (aka DFAC or Chow Hall) was at Villafranca Air Base, Italy. Even had red and white wine on the tables.

Best U.S. DFAC would be Torii Station, Okinawa. Worst would be the Army Reception Center dining hall, Rhine Main Air Base, Germany.

 

[flatlander]

haha unless you're in midair, you're the same as the rest of us!!

Sounds like you may be a little jealous
Second thoughts for not going all in ? Just bustin' your balls.

Bob

 

[cce1302]

See post #2 My quote about legs and everyone that rides.

Sounds like you may be a little jealous
Second thoughts for not going all in ? Just bustin' your balls.

Bob

 

[edporch]

Blood Upon the Risers (Gory Gory What A Hell Of A Way To Die)


[Verse 1]
He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright,
He checked off his equipment and made sure his pack was tight;
He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar,
You ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain't gonna jump no more

[Verse 2]
"Is everybody happy?" cried the Sergeant looking up,
Our hero Feebly answered "yes," and then they stood him up;
He jumped into the icy blast, his static line unhooked,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
He counted long, he counted loud, he waited for the shock,
He felt the wind, he felt the cold, he felt the awful drop,
The silk from his reserves spilled out, and wrapped around his legs,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 4]
The risers swung around his neck, connectors cracked his dome,
Suspension lines were tied in knots around his skinny bones;
The canopy became his shroud; he hurtled to the ground.
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 5]
The days he'd lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind,
He thought about the girl back home, the one he'd left behind;
He thought about the medic corps, and wondered what they'd find,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 6]
The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild,
The medics jumped and screamed with glee, they rolled their sleeves and smiled,
For it had been a week or more since last a 'chute had failed,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]


[Verse 7]
He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT", his blood went spurting high;
His comrades, they were heard to say "a hell of a way to die!"
He lay there, rolling 'round in the welter of his gore,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

[Chorus]

[Verse 8]
There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon the chute,
Intestines were a-dangling from his paratroopers suit,
He was a mess, they picked him up, and poured him from his boots,
And he ain't gonna jump no more

Wow!
You bring back a childhood memory.

When I was a kid in 3-4th grade in the middle 1960's a music teacher that would roll his piano from class to class had us singing this song.
It was Van Rensselaer Elementary School in Rensselaer, IN.

He was a WWII veteran.

The only change he made was with the chorus as I remember.
"Gory, gory, what a terrible way to die,"
I assume because we were little kids.

And I don't remember if we sang every verse.

I remember singing it at home for a man who worked for my dad who was a WWII veteran and he knew the song.

 

[actaeon277]

Best food I ever ate military wise, in Qatar on my 4 day R&R at the Air Force Base. Ate so much it made me sick, finished being sick and went back for more. Regretted nothing. Also smuggled quite a bit of soda (Root Beer and Dr. Pepper) that wasn't even in Iraq. And I understand logistics, but I know supply and demand too.
Although, when my mom mailed homemade cookies, I got first dibs and everyone else literally fought for some. Had to ask mom to send more. Really thankful for that memory.

repeter tells this story better in person

 

[actaeon277]

I was on CQ and the first guy in after that days jump (in '74 my company had a jump nearly every day) and tells me Pete Watson burned in.

O , Pete is a good guy.

A couple of guys come in that had landed near him came by and told me how bad it was, "He was a bloody mess." "I puked when I saw him." "I saw him hit, he bounced 6 feet."

All day long all I hear is bad and worse news.

1800 in walks Pete. I almost fall over. "What the heck happened, Pete."

When he jumped he counted 4 thousand and checked his canopy. He saw that he had a cigarette roll, so he pulled his reserve. (this was before the days that they taught to hold it in, strip the static lines and throw it away from your body) When he pulled his reserve it cigarette rolled around his main chute. He had about 5% lift and was falling at about 110 MPH.

He told me "I prayed and said this will be my best PLF or my Last PLF." (It turned out to be both, I couldn't talk him into getting back on the horse)

It turns out that when he landed he did a perfect PLF, but the momentum carried him through a perfect reverse PLF and he popped up off the ground and landed on his back. It knocked the wind out of him and he bit his lip. He lay there on his back trying to catch his back and sputtering blood all over his face and chest.

The good thing is a former Marine Sergeant got to him, gave him First Aid and directed in the MedEvac chopper.

Pete compressed a vertebrae and had to wear a back brace for a while. He terminated jump status.

After that, I'd probably also be done.