Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[actaeon277]

 

[KellyinAvon]

My first OH WOW THIS **** IS REAL moment at an operational unit.

1986: Young, USAF mosquito wing Airman KellyinAvon is assigned to the 347th supply squadron at Moody Air Force Base, Georgia. That’s almost as far south in Georgia as you can get without running into Florida.

The 347th tactical, fighter wing flew F-4E models back then. As much time as we spent in mobility exercises, and then chemical warfare defensive equipment, you would think we were at the height of the Cold War or something.

When I had first got there, the mobility section had to keep a certified copy of my birth certificate. With some other records they had, in case they had to get an official passport then one day we were told it’s no longer a requirement because passports aren’t required where we’re going.

Sometime later, the squadron has a classified briefing concerning hour or time our wartime commitments. I do believe this was the first time I was ever in a classified briefing, the Deputy logistics group commander was who was briefing it, so, when you’re a young one, Striper, it seems like a pretty big deal.

First thing I got to learn was, the definition of a bare base. In Air Force speak, that is has a runway and a source of water that can be made potable. But wait, there’s more.

There is WRM, water war reserve material located at the base. However, no one has actually seen it in seven years. At this point I am thinking seven years ago was 1979… What happened in 1979? Oh yeah! The Sha of Iran was overthrown.

Sure enough, the next slide that comes up is a map. No names of countries on the map… But I recognize the shape. The bare base we were to be deployed in wartime… was in Iran. OH WOW, THIS **** IS REAL!!

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Nazgul]

Wife was an AF officer stationed on Mather Air Force base Sacramento. Mather does not exist any more. It was a B52 SAC base. Our neighbor was a Buff pilot and flew a plane that was older than he was.

He would go on duty for a couple weeks, underground. The planes were on a pad near the base housing. They were fenced/patrolled heavily. Part of my time in the Marines dealt with security for the REALLY BIG BOMBS and I recognized the protocols.

It was interesting to hear the sirens and watch them scramble not knowing if it was a drill or the real deal.

Don

 

[Alamo]

On this date (04 JUL) in 2002 I was not-so-happily roasting away (Air Force style, we had air-conditioned tents) at Al Kharj Airbase in the emirate of Abu Dhabi, near the city of Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, as a cog in the wheel of Operation Enduring Freedom. (Also as a cog in the wheel of Operation Iraqi Freedom, but OIF wasn’t official yet, so didn’t get credit for that.)

Although we could sometimes get a pass to leave the base and go into Abu Dhabi, which was pretty cool actually*, because it was a notable holiday for the US the Wing Commander prohibited leaving the base on a casual basis, and also forbade all deliveries to the base to avoid someone sneaking a bomb on base. The sky cops told all the vendors to come back tomorrow.

So we had festivities on the base itself instead. The most fun one is that the EOD guys set up some gasoline bombs to let off in the desert as a backdrop to some American flags and EOD robots and fireworks, and what not. Somewhere I have a picture of me standing on the a sand dune, holding one of their Barrett .50 calibers, but damn if I can find it right now.

We also had a ceremony in one of the buildings, said ceremony including a birthday cake. Since I was the executive officer to the wing commander, I wandered over to the building 30 minutes before the ceremony was scheduled just to make sure there wasn’t an outright disaster awaiting us.

Everything looked in order, so I walked over to have a look at the birthday cake. The chow hall on base created it, and it was a big flat cake with white icing and unsurprisingly a big American flag on it. It’s worth noting that the chow hall staff were all contract employees, which means Third World nationals. I didn’t know their specific nationalities, but it’s very typical to have Pakistanis, Egyptians, Filipinos, whatever. There’s a couple Americans to oversee things, but mostly it’s contractor run operation. The unit veterinarian inspected food quality and safety. The food was quite good actually.

However, some thing on the American flag caught my eye. I ponder that for a moment, and then I look around the room and see our staff intelligence NCO, the one who handled local anti-terrorist intel (as opposed to mission intel about Afghanistan). I called him over and ask him to look at the cake carefully. He does, and then I hear him say “huh”. I then see the commander of the Security Forces, a captain, so I get his attention, and ask him to come over and look at the cake. He does the “huh” thing, we all look at each other for a moment, and then I think it was the Intel NCO said “let’s go find the kitchen staff, and chat with them for a moment.”

The thing that got us “huh”ing was the stars on the flag all had six points. Aside from not meeting the actual specs for an American flag, given the neighborhood we were in with the various alliances and rivalries and historical events, we found that very curious. Was it a political statement about our relationship with Israel? Was the cake poisoned? Was it just weirdness?

The Wing Commander showed up and I pointed it out to him, told him the SF/CC and the intel NCO were checking it out. They came back in a few minutes, said they found the guy who actually did the icing on the cake. He said he always did stars with six points, so that’s what he did. The cop and intel concluded he was apparently telling the truth, so we had the ceremony, we all had a piece of cake, nobody died.

And then we went out in the desert and watched the EOD guys** blow up some Hollywood gasoline bombs, which was pretty cool.

Happy Independence Day!

*I have spent some time in Saudi Arabia. Abu Dhabi is about as opposite to KSA as you can get and still be an Arab country, I think. If you get a chance to visit, you should take it. Abu Dhabi I mean, not KSA.

** The NCOIC of the EOD crew turned out to be a raging alcoholic, but that‘s another story.

 

[Alamo]

This over on the Funny pic thread reminded me:

I was stationed with the NATO E-3A (AWACS) component for several years at NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen, Germany.

Being in Germany, of course there was a strong German cultural influence, including Oktoberfest. Plus the E-3A Component manning was 40% German. (And 40% American, corresponding to the amount of funding each nation provided).

So every fall we had Oktoberfest on base. It was held in one of the three hangers we had for E-3A aircraft. Big hangers in other words. You could get a tanker truck for beer in there and still have lots and lots of room for people, bands, food stands etc. Yes, a tanker truck full of beer.

Hanger 3 was on the end closest to the fence that divided from the field next-door, and was used every year for Oktoberfest. Between the side of the hanger and the fence there was a gap wide enough that portable restroom trailers were brought in and parked there. The trailers were kind of interesting, they were used at all German fests In every town. The sit-down trailers were enclosed, But the standup trailers were just a couple troughs laid back-to-back down the center of the trailer that drained into a tank at one end, and open to the public all the way down each side. There was a step running down the side of the trailer that let you step up onto the main deck. So when you needed to go, you just stepped up there, whipped it out, and let it go. Fast and efficient, but not for the shy.

Despite the speed and efficiency there was always a long line to the trailers, and the way it was laid out that line of people went all the way down the fence.

That fence was the standard chain-link security fence. Although it was galvanized, this particular section leading to the pee-pee trailers was distinct from other sections in that it was noticeably rusty from a height of about 3 feet down to the ground.

 

[nonobaddog]

You were only about 400 miles from the real Oktoberfest where these hot beer gals bring you 6 or 7 liters of beer at once and sometimes 12 or 14 liters if they use both hands.

 

[Alamo]

You were only about 400 miles from the real Oktoberfest where these hot beer gals bring you 6 or 7 liters of beer at once and sometimes 12 or 14 liters if they use both hands.

Oh I went to the real one as well. The one in the hanger was actually more pleasant. On the weekend nights the crowd gets so thick and crowded at the real Oktoberfest that you get carried along.

 

[Alamo]

The side doors on the C-130 open in flight for paratroopers to exit. They have a little platform that folds down, slightly into the airstream for the paratrooper to stand on just before he jumps out.

I was just watching a YouTube video of some maintenance crews working on a Herc, and noticed this:



Heh.

Tho I can personally attest that sometimes Air Force personnel do exit that door in flight. AIRBORNE!

 

[Titanium_Frost]

You guys should check out Fat Electrician on YouTube. He does comedic military videos that are the most entertaining new stuff I've seen

 

[nonobaddog]

You guys should check out Fat Electrician on YouTube. He does comedic military videos that are the most entertaining new stuff I've seen

This is a good one.

 

[nonobaddog]

Oh I went to the real one as well. The one in the hanger was actually more pleasant. On the weekend nights the crowd gets so thick and crowded at the real Oktoberfest that you get carried along.

I was stationed at Sheridan Kaserne in Augsburg in 1971-72 and I went to the Oktoberfest quite a few times. It was great back then.

 

[Dim Mak]

Blue Falcons are the bestest of the bestest.

Them and Jodi.

 

[Nazgul]

Was reminded this morning of being in Marine Basic at Parris Island. Developed cellulitis in both feet and couldn't stand/walk. The Corpsman sent me to the hospital. Getting there required walking to the bus stop and taking the bus. Turns out there wasn't a bus that day. So I walked across the base to the hospital. The Doc was PO'd to the max, kept me there a week then another 2 weeks in MED rehab. Took a long time to heal.

Don

 

[Alamo]

Was reminded this morning of being in Marine Basic at Parris Island. Developed cellulitis in both feet and couldn't stand/walk. The Corpsman sent me to the hospital. Getting there required walking to the bus stop and taking the bus. Turns out there wasn't a bus that day. So I walked across the base to the hospital. The Doc was PO'd to the max, kept me there a week then another 2 weeks in MED rehab. Took a long time to heal.

Don

OUCH.

 

[KellyinAvon]

A lot of stories about the Military are about the folks you served with. About 30 years ago I worked for an old retired MSgt/civvie who was pretty interesting to say the least.

1994-1996: Young USAF SSgt/TSgt KellyinAvon is stationed at McConnell AFB, Kansas. I was in the Equipment Management Section in Base Supply. My boss was an old civvie named Leroy Kemper. He joined the USAF right after Korea and did two tours in Vietnam.

To say the man was cheap was a bit of an understatement. He was TDY in San Antonio for a week. He stayed off-base, had a free breakfast. Ate supper at his daughter's house. Spent a total of $6 of his per diem.

We had another old retired GI/civvie who was the squadron training manager. Mr K always griefed him just because. The old training manager had a pregnant SSgt in the training office who ended up working half-days. Mr K would ask him about it, the other old guy would spin up, then Mr K would say, "Don't yell at me, I didn't get her pregnant!" That wasn't one time, that happened twice a week.

More to follow...

 

[rhamersley]

Know this is for you veterans, but I wanted to let everyone know that I have the honor of accompanying my dad on an Honor Flight this September. Dad's a Vietnam Vet, served as a front line medic over there. He doesn't talk about it much, but since he got selected I've learned a lot more about his time over there. I know this doesn't mean much to anyone other than me, but just wanted to express it somewhere and here seemed like a good place. Thanks.

 

[2A_Tom]

I am glad you are connecting.

I served with a lot of Vietnam vets from '73 - '82 and only had a few tell me a funny story, never anything serious.

 

[rhamersley]

I am glad you are connecting.

I served with a lot of Vietnam vets from '73 - '82 and only had a few tell me a funny story, never anything serious.

Thanks. My dad (technically step-dad, he and mom married when I was 4) would only let out snippets of things, like how he hated the smell of wintergreen because that's what they would pack bodies in to ship them back to the states. He's recently broken out some pictures and told of some USO performances he saw and how he has a small scar up his arm from the VC firing up at the Huey he was firing out of on a retrieval. Probably get a lot more out of him on the trip to and from DC.

 

[actaeon277]

Know this is for you veterans, but I wanted to let everyone know that I have the honor of accompanying my dad on an Honor Flight this September. Dad's a Vietnam Vet, served as a front line medic over there. He doesn't talk about it much, but since he got selected I've learned a lot more about his time over there. I know this doesn't mean much to anyone other than me, but just wanted to express it somewhere and here seemed like a good place. Thanks.