Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • actaeon277

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    For some reason, we had a couple guys think that they didn't need to show up to the boat when we moved from Norfolk Naval Base to Norfolk Naval Shipyard.
     

    Cavman

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    Having just heard the story on radio of a flight being turned around from Atlanta to Spain for a passenger with diarrhea, it inspired me to share this story. We were heading to Iraq flying from Maine to Germany first. Over the Atlantic one soldier was looking ill. Everyone told him to go to the latrine. He said he was fine. Several seconds later he puked everywhere. Well then he also crapped. Then other soldiers started to puke and crap themselves as well. The latrine was pretty much occupied non stop so alot of guys didn't make it there to puke and what not. The flight attendant came back to see what was going on said "oh my god" and never came back. So no food or drinks lol. Pr medic was giving IVs on the flight lol. We landed in Germany. Got off the plane for refuel. I was hoping we'd get a new plane it smelled so bad. Nope back on the plane but with sawdust lol. We got a half ass quarantine in kuwait. This of us who didn't get sick still had to do the training. Lol. Worst flight ever
     

    KellyinAvon

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    A lot of stories about the Military are about the folks you served with. About 30 years ago I worked for an old retired MSgt/civvie who was pretty interesting to say the least.

    1994-1996: Young USAF SSgt/TSgt KellyinAvon is stationed at McConnell AFB, Kansas. I was in the Equipment Management Section in Base Supply. My boss was an old civvie named Leroy Kemper. He joined the USAF right after Korea and did two tours in Vietnam.

    To say the man was cheap was a bit of an understatement. He was TDY in San Antonio for a week. He stayed off-base, had a free breakfast. Ate supper at his daughter's house. Spent a total of $6 of his per diem.

    We had another old retired GI/civvie who was the squadron training manager. Mr K always griefed him just because. The old training manager had a pregnant SSgt in the training office who ended up working half-days. Mr K would ask him about it, the other old guy would spin up, then Mr K would say, "Don't yell at me, I didn't get her pregnant!" That wasn't one time, that happened twice a week.

    More to follow...
    Part II:
    To say Mr K was cheap was an understatement. He was on the squadron bowling team. His bowling ball was an old house ball from Kadena Air Base, Okinawa. He was stationed in Okinawa maybe early 70s. This was the mid-90s.

    Bowling team: the other old/cheap/retired guy (squadron training manager) was also on the bowling team. Several years back the team had gotten matching shirts. Only the old training manager still wore his, mostly because of the colors. It seems the 384th Supply Squadron's colors (it was 22nd Supply when I was there. We wore subdued patches on BDUs, I really didn't know the official squadron colors on the full-color patch) were green and yellow. I mean "the Swingin A's" from the 70s green and yellow. Looked like something from Rollie Fingers' yard sale.

    Mr K's exact words were, "I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that."
     

    actaeon277

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    Having just heard the story on radio of a flight being turned around from Atlanta to Spain for a passenger with diarrhea, it inspired me to share this story. We were heading to Iraq flying from Maine to Germany first. Over the Atlantic one soldier was looking ill. Everyone told him to go to the latrine. He said he was fine. Several seconds later he puked everywhere. Well then he also crapped. Then other soldiers started to puke and crap themselves as well. The latrine was pretty much occupied non stop so alot of guys didn't make it there to puke and what not. The flight attendant came back to see what was going on said "oh my god" and never came back. So no food or drinks lol. Pr medic was giving IVs on the flight lol. We landed in Germany. Got off the plane for refuel. I was hoping we'd get a new plane it smelled so bad. Nope back on the plane but with sawdust lol. We got a half ass quarantine in kuwait. This of us who didn't get sick still had to do the training. Lol. Worst flight ever
    I'm sure the crew that cleaned up, loved you guys.


    If people got seasick on the sub, you cleaned it yourself.
    Sick or not.
     

    KellyinAvon

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    ON THIS DATE IN HISTORY: 6 September 1989, young USAF Buck Sgt KellyinAvon arrived at Keflavik, Iceland. In what could be described as a sick joke, Hawaiian Airlines had the contract for flying troops into Iceland.

    Day 1, weather wasn’t bad. Next morning it was kind of cold (I’d been stationed in Georgia before going to Kef) so I decided that wearing long underwear was smart. It was, I wore long John’s every day until April.

    45 mph winds would blow over the dumpsters. Extreme cold weather parkas turned into sails at certain wind speeds depending on your weight. When you feel yourself leave the ground? Not a good feeling.
     

    actaeon277

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    Lol. Sure they were so happyThey got quarantined in kuwait as well.


    During a TorpEx (Torpedo excercise), we accidentally sank our rescue ship that was being used as the 'target'.
    The torpedo was SUPPOSED to electronically fire a sonar signal saying it sank the target.
    Then it was SUPPOSED to stop the propeller, and come to the surface to be recovered.
    Instead, it ran into the target at full speed and punched through the hull.

    Anyone in the crew that lost items (clothing, tape players, photographs, etc) were not reimbursed by the navy for anything.


    So... when that rescue ship was designated to follow us (needed them for certain high risk training exercises), we were worried that their rescue might not be as fast as we would like.

    I don't remember the name of that rescue ship.
    I THINK that it was NOT the USS Kittiwake.
    I remember the Kittiwake being with us for some exercises, and at the end of it's life was sunk to become a man made reef.
    There is nothing in the wikipedia entry that shows it being sunk in an exercise and salvaged.

    The one we did sink, was salvaged and refurbished.


    By the way, the Kittiwake had a bit of an interesting history



    In 1986, the Kittiwake recovered the black box from the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster.[1]

    On 5 December 1989, the USS Kittiwake provided surface support during a Navy Trident missile test in the Atlantic Ocean. Greenpeace had found out about the testing and had sent ships to protest this exercise. Greenpeace attacked the USS Kittiwake by hitting her aft port side with the bow of the Greenpeace ship. The USS Kittiwake returned the aggression by ramming the Greenpeace ship and disabling the engines by shooting water down the engine stack of the Greenpeace ship, making her dead in the water.
     

    actaeon277

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    Wow.
    Just tried to look to see if I could see a rescue ship that had been sunk.
    Didn't find it, but that could be because they are not flashy, and no one reports on them.

    But, it could have just been a trawler the navy had, and used to just follow us around and then call for someone if something happened.

    Which doesn't instill me with confidence.

    And then, the list of rescue ships didn't take long to go through.
    Because there never were many.
    And most were decomm'd before I was in.
    And the few that were in service were ANCIENT.

    Good thing we didn't need them.
     

    Hawkeye

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    Wow.
    Just tried to look to see if I could see a rescue ship that had been sunk.
    Didn't find it, but that could be because they are not flashy, and no one reports on them.

    But, it could have just been a trawler the navy had, and used to just follow us around and then call for someone if something happened.

    Which doesn't instill me with confidence.

    And then, the list of rescue ships didn't take long to go through.
    Because there never were many.
    And most were decomm'd before I was in.
    And the few that were in service were ANCIENT.

    Good thing we didn't need them.
    A tug, not a rescue ship and apparently no torps involved. From 1986 around Midway...

     

    Alamo

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    One of my AFROTC buddies seemed like he had to take a dump every 20 minutes or so. He wanted to be a fighter pilot. I told him he better pick heavies so he would have a bathroom available. He became an A-10 pilot.

    He told me that on a flight from CONUS to Spain they were just off the coast of the US getting ready for their first air refueling when he suddenly had “to go.” Air to air refueling is pretty intensive for the pilot, and he knew he would not be able to “hold it” and do a refueling at the same time. Thus he was faced with a choice of either turning back to land at the nearest base on the east coast to use the toilet, or letting it go, do the refueling, and sitting in his own **** for the rest of the trip to Spain. He chose option B.

    He said the worst part was he could feel it soaking into his T-shirt all the way up his torso. When he got to Spain, he said the crew chief leaned into the cockpit and then jumped back yelling “whoa!”
     

    Alamo

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    During a TorpEx (Torpedo excercise), we accidentally sank our rescue ship that was being used as the 'target'.
    At least you weren’t the guys who during an exercise fired a live torpedo at the battleship carrying the US president. They missed but the guy who was supposed to remove the torpedo’s primer so it wouldn’t launch was sentenced to 14 years. FDR pardoned him.

     

    actaeon277

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    Just to expand and clarify.

    An Exercise Torp has had the explosives removed, and a weight substituted.

    But a weighty object moving at over 70 can do damage.
     

    actaeon277

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    A tug, not a rescue ship and apparently no torps involved. From 1986 around Midway...

    subs and tugs... a dangerous combination.
    We had a tug ram us at high speed.
    Right at the junction of TWO of the starboard main ballast tanks.
    There are 6 MBTs on each side.
    So we lost 1/3 of our buoyancy on one side.
     

    Alamo

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    Just to expand and clarify.

    An Exercise Torp has had the explosives removed, and a weight substituted.

    But a weighty object moving at over 70 can do damage.
    Yeah I caught that. Kinetic kill.

    When I was in Germany, during a night exercise an M-1 Abrams mistook Bradley fighting vehicles for hostle targets and shot an inert training rounds right thru them.
    Oh look, a recent mention:

    I also remember a Navy F-14 shot down an Air Force RF-4 during an exercise in the Med.

    Those were both “operator“ errors, versus equipment failure like the torpedo. But stuff happens.
     

    actaeon277

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    Yeah I caught that. Kinetic kill.

    When I was in Germany, during a night exercise an M-1 Abrams mistook Bradley fighting vehicles for hostle targets and shot an inert training rounds right thru them.
    Oh look, a recent mention:

    I also remember a Navy F-14 shot down an Air Force RF-4 during an exercise in the Med.

    Those were both “operator“ errors, versus equipment failure like the torpedo. But stuff happens.

    Blue on blue sucks, even in training.
    And, I always appreciate them trying to make things safer when training.
    But, at a certain point, command has to know, that there is a certain risk in even just training with deadly equipment.
    And while mishaps suck... it beats the other scenario.
    The one where we go to war with untrained troops.
    Or we go to war with malfunctioning equipment (WWII torpedoes, I'm looking at you).
     
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