Likely my last post here for awhile.

[cbhausen]

Good luck with your journey, phylodog and there will always be a place at the INGO table when you return.

 

[Emerson Dambiggins]

Praying you find the peace and healing you need.

 

[bgcatty]

Phylo: the future is what we have in front of us. Do not let the past control. Sure, learn from it but always look forward to the future for that is what God has given to us.

 

[Backpacker]

Thank you for your service. We will keep you in our prayers.

 

[wtfd661]

Prayers

 

[Principal Skinr]

I just saw that we lost Tim and I'm a bit crushed. I knew it was coming but didn't realize it was close, I wish I'd reached out more recently and I pray his family finds peace. I always found Tim to be easy to be around and cut of the same cloth. I know (without evidence) that he's probably saved my rear end from other mods more than a few occasions which makes the timing of things very interesting for me personally. When he did have to sit me down for a talkin to on occasion I don't ever recall there being any tension about it. I've not known a lot of people who I could be either enjoying a great memory with or borderline arguing with and someone across the room watching wouldn't be able to tell the difference, Tim was one of those guys.

In memory of Tim I want to share something I posted elsewhere for my friends and family. I knew Tim to be someone pretty eager to lend a hand to someone in need and I'd like to think he'd appreciate it. I've been away for the past week (aside from a peek now and then to check msgs) and several days of that were visiting a treatment facility in Mexico. For simplicity I'm just going to paste what I put up for friends and family elsewhere to see as the msg is the same.

"I would like to share something with my friends and family for the sole purpose of letting those of you who may be struggling know that there are options outside of the traditionally accepted avenues available, for help and healing.

I intend to disable comments on this post (not an option for me on INGO) for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, this is a very personal issue. There will be many who do not approve and that's ok, I'm not posting for approval and I am not seeking acceptance. This post is also not being put up for any sort of empathy, while I know there are a lot of friends and family who care and are supportive and I very much appreciate it, it is important that everyone know that I am in a better place now than I was last week or have ever been in my life. I am happy to discuss my experience with anyone who has not had success through mainstream medicine but this won't be the place for debate on the issue.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression approximately three months ago after the mental/emotional pressure cooker I had been in finally ruptured. While I deeply regret what happened, particularly the pain and worry I put my most ardent supporters through, it was the wake up call I needed to seek help. Though mostly well intentioned, the conventional and widely accepted avenues for treatment are slow and methodical and I was running very short on time.

I have been fortunate in my life to meet some incredibly strong men and women. A life spent in service to others via military and public safety creates a fraternity, a basic understanding of the challenges that life may bring. I was approached by a couple of good friends who, while their paths were different than mine and certainly more accomplished, they were familiar with my struggles and they wanted to help. They may never know how instrumental they were in saving my life and I owe them (along with several others) a debt of gratitude I could never hope to repay. This post serves as my wholly inadequate attempt to pay that love and kindness forward.

It will likely take months, if not years for me to unpack the experience of the previous weekend fully, if I am ever able. I expect most will dismiss the idea and that's ok, I am not here to try to talk anyone in to anything. I was desperate, terrified and out of time. Was.

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."
- Joseph Campbell

The Mission Within – A Future Free From Veteran Suicide

missionwithin.org

You are in my prayers!

 

[paddling_man]

You've got this, man. In the end, you are worth making whole.

 

[patience0830]

You've got this, man. In the end, you are worth making whole.

Where you been? First time I've seen your moniker in a while.

 

[88E30M50]

Best wishes and I hope that all comes out well for you.

 

[JR50]

We never met but that doesn't matter. Prayers and best wishes abound.

 

[CHCRandy]

I have a lot of work ahead of me, a lot of damage to repair and time to make up for and I have a rare opportunity to reshape my life more to how I want it to be. While I enjoy the conversations here it'll come as no surprise to anyone who has read more than two or three that I have a tendency to get a bit out of alignment on politics pretty quickly. I've had my fill it for now and I'm going to let the negativity go while I'm licking my wounds.

I hope all of my friends on here stay safe and enjoy the rest of summer! I'll check in periodically but probably only this post. An offer is only as good as the person making it, wouldn't say much to offer to try to help then vanish.

Be well everyone

I had no idea Tim passed.

Just know brother......you are not alone in your journey, people love and care for you and you will make it out of this. At my darkest point, and his as well........Tim saved me from myself.......and I will forever be thankful for what he told me. I just hope I can hold up my side of the bargain.

I once had a customer look at me.....knowing I was killing myself inside......and he simply said, "Know you are loved by many".

I leave you with the same thing.......you are loved by many! Take care of yourself my friend. If you ever need someone to vent to, I am always a fresh ear to lean on. You got this my friend!

 

[schm00g13]

Via Con Dios, Amigo.

 

[indyblue]

Get well and come back stronger.

In the meantime we'll miss your posts as you usually mix it up pretty well here.

 

[Indyhd]

Good for you that you realized that you needed to take care of yourself. Hoping it works out for you in the best way possible. I'm close by so if there is ever a need of help for you or the family send me a PM and I'll jump in with both feet.
Take care and we'll look forward to you stepping back in.

 

[ws6guy]

Best wishes to you sir. There's definitely a dark hole that in life that can suck you in and a lot of people don't realize they're in the hole. It's a huge accomplishment in itself to realize were you are at and acceptance to get help. Prayers for you and your family.

 

[OurDee]

Take care!

 

[Twangbanger]

Insanity is continuing to do what doesn't work. Take care, hope you took a git-fiddle with you, and if not...it will be there when you get back.

 

[shootersix]

Saying a prayer, you do you my friend! Take time away from ingo, we’ll be here when you get back!

 

[LockStocksAndBarrel]

Godspeed phylo.

 

[DragonGunner]

Your quote went right through my soul…too long a story, but that dark cave I feared to enter, well over 25 years ago I entered it. It was a journey in darkness but I saw a light at the end and it kept getting bigger and when I finally was able to come out…. Well…. I am living my very best days ever now! May peace, and the treasure you desire come to pass also.