INGO: Joke of the day page

[Ballstater98]

3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.

 

[Ballstater98]

How many bricks does it take to complete a brick building?

1

 

[eric001]

A day or so after eating corn on the cob...

Should you be making corny jokes about crap,

or crappy jokes about corn?


Either way, it should all work out in the end.

 

[Doug]

I tried to be a wizard, but I couldn't spell.

 

[rkwhyte2]

[FONT=&quot]Three scotswomen are walking home at night (they are neighbors) and find a scotsman passed out partially under a wagon. His upper body is under the wagon and they can’t see who he is; however, they would like to help him get home. The first woman looks under his kilt and says, “It’s not my husband”. The second woman looks under his kilt and says, It’s not my husband”. The third woman looks under his kilt and says, “Why he’s not even from our village!”
[/FONT]

 

[DCR]

[FONT=&amp].....“Why he’s not even from our village!”
[/FONT]

My 85 yo MIL gave that one a long hearty guffaw and cackle

 

[Ballstater98]

 

[Bill of Rights]

I got a sweater for Christmas one year.

i would have preferred a moaner or a screamer..... but I got a sweater.

 

[MCgrease08]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry" he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two TEST tickles."

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Sigblitz]

Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?

It lost it's filling.

 

[JettaKnight]

Why did the Hydrox cookie go to the dentist?

It lost it's filling.

FIFY. I don't want you getting banned.

 

[Ballstater98]

30 cows in a field.
28 chickens.
How many didn't?






2

 

[Bigtanker]

That joke is best spoken and not written down.

30 cows in a field.

20 ate chickens.

How many didn't?

 

[Bigtanker]

It's like the e----yes joke.
Y.E.S. spells......... Yes

E------ Y.E.S. spells what?

[video=youtube_share;thJHpC3g4ms]http://youtu.be/thJHpC3g4ms[/video]

 

[Bigtanker]

We picked up a rental while the van is getting fixed. It's a Jeep. This button, marked with a circle/hole with the letter "A" in it peaked my curiosity. So I pushed it. I started to become irritable. People were driving WAYYYYYY to slow. I didn't have time for my turn signal as I was too busy texting cause my stuff is important. I even felt the need to stretch out my middle finger at people who yelled at me.

So I shut the button off. Everything calmed down. I felt at ease. The Jeep actually shut the engine off at stop lights too. I must have been working it too hard.

So the moral of the story is don't drive with the "A" hole button pushed. Life is much better without it.

 

[jamil]

We picked up a rental while the van is getting fixed. It's a Jeep. This button, marked with a circle/hole with the letter "A" in it peaked my curiosity. So I pushed it. I started to become irritable. People were driving WAYYYYYY to slow. I didn't have time for my turn signal as I was too busy texting cause my stuff is important. I even felt the need to stretch out my middle finger at people who yelled at me.

So I shut the button off. Everything calmed down. I felt at ease. The Jeep actually shut the engine off at stop lights too. I must have been working it too hard.

So the moral of the story is don't drive with the "A" hole button pushed. Life is much better without it.

Hey, that’s the first thing I do when I start my truck. I hit the ******* button.

 

[Hoosierdood]

I AM THE BUTTON!

 

[actaeon277]