For fathers and wannabe-fathers, this one hits hard

[MrsXtremeVel]

I tell my kids everyday, " I love you." My 13 yr old son will forget he's cool and say it back to me once in awhile. It's okay. I know he does. I don't need to hear it all the time. I don't care how mad I get or if he's mad at me, I always say " I love you" at bedtime or when I drop him off at school. I see alot of kids at school that don't come from loving homes. They fall apart emotionally and sometimes need a hug or know that someone cares. One boy told me " I know you love me Mrs. O." I said, " you do? how? " He said, "because you pay attention to me and don't yell at me when I make a mistake." Unfortunately, this happens all the time.

 

[Fletch]

Overprotective parents are murder on self-esteem too. I was constantly told how smart I was, but never allowed to do anything to demonstrate it.

Smart enough to "have the world by the butt" (my Dad's favorite expression when he thought he was building me up), but not smart enough to:

Use the stove
Use the microwave
Operate the VCR
Turn on the TV
Mow the lawn
Run a weedeater
Operate any power tool... or most hand tools
Have a pocket knife

...all the way up until I left the house to live on my own at 19.

Somehow, I was permitted to get a driver's license. I got a job at Burger King and was entrusted with far more dangerous equipment than any five things we had at home, but still was not allowed to cook a grilled cheese sandwich or heat up a can of soup or even help my parents do so.

 

[Que]

I disagree. My father never kissed me or told me he loved me. His actions and advice spoke enough. There are not many men I respect more than my father.

Yeah, you can disagree, but I recall the mother who lost her daughter in the crash yesterday, the only thing she remembered was that she didn't say goodbye that morning. It's not just for the child's benefit that we tell our children we love them, it is just as much about our own edification. I'm sure your dad was a great father, but if anything had happened and he lost you when you were younger, do you think his advice and actions is what he would remember? If it's not important, I guess you never tell your children you love them, right?

 

[acase20]

My dad was simply not my father. I can only remember a few times in my life I have even called him dad( I usually find a way to avoid it all together and always have). He was so hard on me and my brothers it was unbearable and we all resented him for it.(I know longer do as I dont believe in holding grudges). I dont think he ever told any of us he loved us and did little to show it. I guess I would have taken this harder if he didnt throw me out when I was 13 and move in with my Grandparents where my grandfather who didnt say it very often but showed he loved me with all of his heart. And it matters I thought of him as my father not the other man. He is gone now and I wish he wasnt but I do use what I learned from him to try and be a good father to my kids. Tons of hugs, tons of time, and I tell them I love them everyday(hopefully multiple times).

 

[Mosinowner]

Wow. ummmm. I get to to shut up sometimes but its not because Im hated. My dad tells me he loves me, but we usually don't hang out unless I am running errands with him or the occasional 1 hour rangetrip

 

[Double T]

I come from a broken home. My sons both hear that I love them many times throughout the day. I don't care if its mushy. I don't care if anyone hears. I'm not perfect, but they know that I love them!

I stayed up this morning until my kids woke up, and my 3 year old had the most amazing smile to see daddy sitting in the chair waiting on him to give him a big hug and dance to music on the computer!

The littlest things make or break your childs attitude for the entire day. He was most well behaved today (9r so my wife tells me) :-)

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

I've been it all to my son since his mother died when he was 4. Neither of us is a touchy-feely type, but I've been it all for him since then. I've given a lot up for him, and he knows it; not because I make sure to tell him, but because he can see. I know he can see and what he feels because I'm at least somewhat perceptive. We have a connection that exists beyond some words we could say to each other. We've got each others' back, and we know it. Can't splain it any better than that.

 

[mrortega]

My "children" are 43, 40 and 37 and I don't greet or say goodbye to them without a hug and "I love you."

My son went through a divorce 5 years ago and he had some counselling. He related to me that the councilor asked about his relationship with his dad. He told the story of one of our vacation trips when he was 21 and he and my youngest daughter were still living at home and when travelling mom and sis would share a motel bed and son and I the other. One night I forgot to kiss him good night so I got up, walked around the bed leaned over and told him I loved him, kissed him on the cheek, walked back around and got back into bed next to him. I told him, "There's no way in Hell I'm rolling over and giving you a hug." We still laugh about that. The councilor told him, "Sounds like you and your dad are cool."

 

[mrortega]

My dad was simply not my father. I can only remember a few times in my life I have even called him dad( I usually find a way to avoid it all together and always have). He was so hard on me and my brothers it was unbearable and we all resented him for it.(I know longer do as I dont believe in holding grudges). I dont think he ever told any of us he loved us and did little to show it. I guess I would have taken this harder if he didnt throw me out when I was 13 and move in with my Grandparents where my grandfather who didnt say it very often but showed he loved me with all of his heart. And it matters I thought of him as my father not the other man. He is gone now and I wish he wasnt but I do use what I learned from him to try and be a good father to my kids. Tons of hugs, tons of time, and I tell them I love them everyday(hopefully multiple times).

I've seen a lot of people who had a very tough childhood turn into great parents because they know how it hurts to not have one. God bless you.

 

[radar44]

My two 16 year olds get a hug every day weather they like it or not . Some times I actually get one back ! Life is blessed.

 

[rw496]

Thanks for the post. I read it this morning and it has been with me all day. I made my wife read it too.

 

[Caleb]

I love, hug, kiss, and play with both of my girls...life is too short not to do such things.

 

[repeter1977]

There are parents that tell their children they love them over and over. But then they're never there for the kid.

My father wasn't big on saying it. He did, just not often.
But he was always at my games.
He would get me what I needed, not necessarly what I "wanted".
He taught me, by teaching, and by example.

Actaeon and I have the same parents. Like he said, I dont remember my father saying it much, but i ALWAYS knew it. He was always there when I needed help. When I screwed something up, he would laugh and say that he had done the same thing as I kid.
Words do help/hurt, but sometimes actions speak the loudest. As I was coming out of my coma, I KNEW my dad was always there for me. Apparently he means the world to me, cause coming out of the coma I had some very vivid dreams, in one of them I was hit with shrapnel (and was already hit once in real life). My father ran over, grabbed me, and carried me over his shoulder. It was such a realistic dream that apparently I was yelling at the nurses, telling them to get down, and trying to tell my dad how to call for a medevac. I still look up to him and my respect for him has only deepened. I hope that when I become a father again, that I am at least half the father he is.

 

[Caleb]

I should also add, I pray with my kids every night...goes like this:

"Jesus thank you for this wonderful day and thank you for protecting us. Thank you for mommy, daddy, and mia(youngest). Please protect us tonight, tomorrow, and all next week. In Jesus name, amen."

I tell you what, the birth of both of my daughters have been the biggest blessing I could have ever asked for...life changing.

 

[96firephoenix]

there is a vast canyon that stands between a guy who is a father and a man who is a dad.

 

[Tydeeh22]

the oddity and awkwardness between any father telling his adolescent son that he "loves" him is beyond explaination to both parties. ya just know without it being said.

 

[abnk]

Yeah, you can disagree, but I recall the mother who lost her daughter in the crash yesterday, the only thing she remembered was that she didn't say goodbye that morning. It's not just for the child's benefit that we tell our children we love them, it is just as much about our own edification. I'm sure your dad was a great father, but if anything had happened and he lost you when you were younger, do you think his advice and actions is what he would remember? If it's not important, I guess you never tell your children you love them, right?

I tell my children I love them, but that doesn't make me better than my dad. If I'm half as good as he was with me, I'm doing pretty well.