For fathers and wannabe-fathers, this one hits hard

[Fletch]

I remember about 20 years ago I was hanging out with a friend and the subject turned to fatherhood. He said "yeah, I don't really say 'I love you' to my kids, or hug them or anything, but they know."

I remember wondering "how?"

This guy has an excellent rant on the subject:

“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce | Become a Better Father

 

[Scutter01]

I don't let my daughter go to bed without a hug and telling her I love her.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Yep, I do too...though at 19 and 20, my boys don't seem to appreciate it like they did 10 or so years ago.

 

[abnk]

I remember reading that last year and I think about it often. Funny how something said by some nobody on the Internet can stick with you.

 

[MrsGungho]

my parents never said I love you, but I know they did. They showed it in many other ways. I still regret that Mom died without me being able to tell her I love her, but I showed her in many other ways and she knew it.
I tell my children I love them, all the time. I show them too.
I see this article more in the lines of father not showing or saying. Love is shown in more ways than just words. He could say I love you to his son, but his actions say otherwise.

 

[SockMonkey]

I've seen it, and I'm sorry to say I've done it. "No, son, I can't play with you right now. I just don't feel like it." I am going to try to change. I'm also trying to yell less and calmly discuss more, but sometimes it's hard to explain WHY it's good to act a certain way, etc. However, every night that we are all home at our son's bedtime we do "family lovins" and one of us puts him to bed. Thank you.

 

[Que]

There is nothing more important than to say the words. Many fathers grew up without anyone telling them they are loved, except on special occasions, and that makes it difficult for them. Some of us even act inappropriately at times. Sometimes articles like this seem to be condemning, but I encourage anyone reading it to be encouraged, knowing that no father is perfect and we can all improve in some areas.

 

[45calibre]

my father never really showed me much love either. i have much animosity towards him for it, i am very numb about certain things, and i honestly feel "meh" towards him.

i think back about all things i went through and i honestly cant see how they could have treated me and raised me the way they did. i used to get yelled at and sometimes hit for breaking dishes on accident, on accident! but when i start to think about its the way he was taught, to be the "man" if you can even call it that and be the tough guy. the only thing i can do now is never be like them and never treat my kids like that.

 

[Constructionist]

I spend every possible moment with my children, and tell them I love them at every occasion. I never regret missing out on "me time" and never will.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

the only thing i can do now is never be like them and never treat my kids like that.

I'm sincere when I say good luck with that...It's hard to not be just like your parents were...very hard.

If you're not carefull, you'll default to what you were taught.

 

[abnk]

There is nothing more important than to say the words.

I disagree. My father never kissed me or told me he loved me. His actions and advice spoke enough. There are not many men I respect more than my father.

 

[actaeon277]

There are parents that tell their children they love them over and over. But then they're never there for the kid.

My father wasn't big on saying it. He did, just not often.
But he was always at my games.
He would get me what I needed, not necessarly what I "wanted".
He taught me, by teaching, and by example.

 

[indiucky]

I don't let my daughter go to bed without a hug and telling her I love her.

Or get on the bus without telling her the same...

 

[mcolford]

I cant think of a time when my dad said he loved me... Im not trying to sound like one of those Emo kids that is all depressed, but I truly cant remember him saying it. I tell my daughter many times a day I love her. Hugs and love are something we def dont do without. My wife and I both have tendencies to call home while were at work just to talk to her (Shes 3).. And just to hear her. Reading that kinda made me feel like a sh*tbag for the times I have raised my voice or procrastinated things because I was tired etc. Put things into perspective though.

 

[Hookeye]

Geeeez, what a bunch of wussies.

 

[JetGirl]

Mr.Jet's father was a hard man. He never said "I love you" to any of his kids.
Mr.Jet was sitting next to his hospital bed while he was dying. He reached for his dad's hand and said, "dad, I love you...I just want you to know that." His dad pulled away and talked about everything else except that.
It has haunted Mr.Jet ever since.

 

[BE Mike]

To do it right takes not only the words, but it also takes the actions. One without the other is no good.

 

[SideArmed]

As a single full time dad, I can relate to a lot of what is written in that article. Not putting down any parents here, becuase truth be told it's a tough job, but going at it alone makes you really open your eyes to just how special children are, and how much every action on the parents part is seen and reflected in kids (I have mass respect for parents with like 5 or 6 kids, just dont' understand how they stay sane). I take every oportunity to let him know that he is a good, smart kid and that the only thing that will hold him back is the limits he sets for himself.

I wouldn't trade a single minute with my son for all the money in the world. He is my son, my best friend, and he pulls me back down to earth when I start getting lost in the clouds, or vice versa, which ever is needed depending on the situation. Don't get me wrong, it's not always peaches and cream, but we work through those moments just as we do any other.

Everyday I learn just as much from him as he does from me. He reminds me that I shouldn't take life so seriously and that even for adults playtime is still required to maintain sanity. Also I learned the other day that race cars can drive underwater and fly, and that robots are still cool.

 

[cyprant]

Wow. Thats a tough read.

 

[Jaredjosh]

Hugs, Kisses , and I love you are a daily ritual. The kids are the most important thing in my life and I want them to know that always. A real man hugs kisses and tells their kids he loves them. Handshakes are not for family.