Separation woes

[Scarnucci]

Having to put more personal info out here than I prefer, but Im at a loss.

Had the unfortunate displeasure to discover several months worth of my wife's infidelity this past Monday. Long story short, I left the house for the day. She packed her bags and left for a hotel, and I came back to the house and have been taking care of the day to day things here. We have no kids.

She's been working while I am trying to complete my degree on GI Bill. House note is in both our names.

Tonight she says she is coming back to the house in the AM and wants me out. We moved to the sticks to start a little hobby farm out in the country, but we are well away from friends and family that I can turn to.

I really REALLY dont want to have to get the county police involved. I dont know if I legally HAVE to leave. Especially since she has already left, and is coming back to get me out just to screw with me.

Any info or links to where I can find out what my rights are in Indiana? Havent had much luck with the google fu.

 

[jblomenberg16]

Sorry about the situation man. But if you both have your name on the deed / mortgage, than you both have legal rights to it. I find it odd that she's wanting you out, if it was her that has been the one unfaithful.

 

[gunman41mag]

Best advice I or anybody can give is talk to a L A W Y E R

 

[SEIndSAM]

If the house is in both of your names, you do not have to leave. Talk to an attn. first thing in the morning. He will tell you DO NOT MOVE OUT.

Also, first thing in the morning get all of the money out of joint accounts, cancel any credit cards in both names and buy a credit reporting service so she can't open anything in your name.

Been there before, hope it works out for you.

 

[scott delaney]

what ever you do.....DONT TOUCH HER!......in anyway. my ex got me to "get comfy with her" only to say i forced her into bed. so i say again "DONT TOCH HER IN ANY WAY!

 

[JohnP82]

Very sorry to hear of your situation.
I agree get a lawyer ASAP and do not move out.
Do your best to keep calm and stay civil, if it looks like it is going to get bad then call the police to prevent it from getting worse.
Best of luck!

 

[japartridge]

pretty sure she has no grounds to evict you, especially since she was the unfaithful one.... since the home is in both names, I don't see that there is anyway that either one of you can force the other to leave short of a protective order, or a buyout.... GET A LAWYER ASAP!!! call the county sheriffs office, let them know the situation, so there can't be any false accusations made.... I'm not a lawyer, so again, GET ONE ASAP!

 

[Kedric]

If both your names are on the paper, she can't evict, especially as she was the one who was unfaithful. She has no grounds. She cheated, she left, you stayed. I am not a lawyer, but that is how I see it.

Get an attorney involved ASAP, don't touch her, don't get into arguments that result in the mounties being called, mind your Ps and Qs and conduct yourself civilly and you will come out okay more than likely.

It is a crappy situation, and I am sorry you are having to go through it. Hopefully you didn't find out the same I did 16 years ago - By walking in on her and her boss in our bed...

 

[gungirl65]

Sorry for your loss. It truly sucks when the one you love betrays you. Don't leave the house if you can pay for it and if you intend to keep it. It's easier to keep it if you don't give up possession. I'm in the same kind of rotten boat as you are.

I talked to a divorce attorney in Richmond a couple months ago. It cost $150 for an hour but it was worth it. I think once I file it will be $95 an hour. Long story short, I use to make really good money before the economy & corporate America tanked & I lost my job. The majority of my marriage I either supported the lying, cheating, bast**d completely or made a lot more than he did. According to the attorney it doesn’t matter. Since we are married (20 long & miserable years) it’s legally a 50/50 split. A few counties in Indiana may do an equitable split but most don’t & you will pay to get it. Unless you have major assets 50/50 isn’t so bad.

If your house is worth $100K but you owe $80k your equity of $20K would be the amount to work with. If there is no equity in the house, it’s even better for you.

Now for the good news, if she is the one working & this has been the arrangement, once you file, she can be made to continue to pay the bills if she is living in the house with you. If she leaves the house, she can be made to pay at least the house payment or other bills. I think this is called spousal maintenance. Worst case scenario you have to live together in the same house. It’s not fun but it can be done. Hell I’ve been sleeping on the couch (it’s a really big couch) with the dogs for almost 2 years. It sucks but it’s better than sleeping with him……. Luckily he’s an OTR driver so he’s not here much. Too much for me but at least he’s not here everyday.

A divorce will not right the wrongs of the marriage. No judge will make her or my future X pay for their sins. Unfortunately it doesn't matter that they cheated. I just hope there is a special place in hell for liars, cheaters, and as*holes. My thought is that if he is gone by next Thanksgiving I will truly be thankful for the holiday next year.

Good luck. If you need a friend who understands what you are going through, feel free to PM me.

 

[Bunnykid68]

In case no one has mentioned this call a lawyer 1st thing in the morning.

I like Japartridge idea of notifying local Sheriff also.

 

[Dead Duck]

All great advice above. Lawyer Up - Lawyer Up - Lawyer Up Quick. Can't afford it? DO IT ANYWAY- NOW!!

Don't volunteer any information to her or her friends. Your schedule, your plans, lawyer info(unless he says).

Keep a journal of whats going on - Your going to need it soon- Dates, Times, he saids -she saids, everything, and don't let her find it.

She is NOT your friend anymore. Don't fall for it. No matter what she says. She's probably been talking to lawyers/friends/family and been given a TON of advice and by now, she's a freaking expert - one thing she has learned, is for her to go back into the house and try to get you out.

DON"T DO IT. Stay there at any cost. Hide what you think she could use in the future - papers, receipts, etc... for her lawyer.

When your gone, she might have people come over to go through and throw your things out, bug the phone/house, change the locks. Keep it civil but she is not your friend anymore.

No mater what happens DON"T TOUCH HER in any way. It will bite you back big time. Your the guy so you already know, everything is going to be your fault.

Paranoid, maybe, but I've seen it happen to many friends male and female and myself.

Think and prepare for the worst and if it never happens then great but be prepared.

Very Sorry - It Sucks. Do what you can right away and things will get easier down the road.

 

[gungirl65]

All great advice above. Lawyer Up - Lawyer Up - Lawyer Up Quick. Can't afford it? DO IT ANYWAY- NOW!!

Don't volunteer any information to her or her friends. Your schedule, your plans, lawyer info(unless he says).

Keep a journal of whats going on - Your going to need it soon- Dates, Times, he saids -she saids, everything, and don't let her find it.

She is NOT your friend anymore. Don't fall for it. No matter what she says. She's probably been talking to lawyers/friends/family and been given a TON of advice and by now, she's a freaking expert - one thing she has learned, is for her to go back into the house and try to get you out.

DON"T DO IT. Stay there at any cost. Hide what you think she could use in the future - papers, receipts, etc... for her lawyer.

When your gone, she might have people come over to go through and throw your things out, bug the phone/house, change the locks. Keep it civil but she is not your friend anymore.

No mater what happens DON"T TOUCH HER in any way. It will bite you back big time. Your the guy so you already know, everything is going to be your fault.

Paranoid, maybe, but I've seen it happen to many friends male and female and myself.

Think and prepare for the worst and if it never happens then great but be prepared.

Very Sorry - It Sucks. Do what you can right away and things will get easier down the road.

He's absolutely right. When you see a lawyer take him copies of the mortgage statement, her pay stub and any other important documentation you can access. Find out what the attorney needs & furnish it for him. If he has to get the information it will cost you by the hour. You will also need her social security # if you hire the attorney. Start a cash stash if you can. Now might be a good time to discretely sell anything of yours you no longer need. Why share the money if you don't have to???

 

[hoosierdoc]

The above is all good advice, but since you posted publically I'll wade in. It's strange that immediately upon discovering infidelity she goes nuts and is ending everything. You said GI bill so I'm guessing there was a deployment or two in there. Has she cheated for years? Has the marriage been dead for awhile?

No one has suggested marriage counseling but I would go speak with someone, even if it's just you going. Having help end a marriage can only help you in starting the next relationship. While I doubt it, maybe this was a random isolated event and she's just scared, embarassed, and you guys can get past it. Either way, seek some relational counseling in addition to legal and firearm.

Good luck buddy.

 

[Scarnucci]

We were married after I left the service.
We've been in marriage counseling. Her infidelity started while we were engaged in said counseling. It occurred over the past two months.
Im not interested in salvaging the marriage, just want to know if she can have me booted from a house that my name is on in Indiana.
She is a lawyer, which makes matters more difficult for me. I hope she still has enough respect for the law not to trump up some bull**** to have me ousted from the house. In her current mental condition I put nothing past her.

Off to find a lawyer.

 

[rotortech]

Lots of good advice has been given. Please heed the lawyer advice. My wife of 15 years told me that I was the source of all her problems and that she wanted a divorce. At that time I threw my hands in the air and said I have done all I can do so go ahead. She filed but I refused to leave the house - I was still making all the payments. She was very uncomfortable with this and I said "Too bad". I stayed civil and patient and she finally moved out.

Great that there are no kids involved as this greatly increases complications and drama. I will suggest that you keep cool. Never get angry. If she wants a yelling match, just walk away. Don't get worked up.

When I went looking for an attorney I called a real estate attorney that I know who is a good guy. I asked him for a referral. He gave me a couple of leads and I hired someone he recommended. That was the best move I ever made. Either get a personal recommendation from someone who has been through the process or, lacking that, call an attorney for their recommendation. They know who is good and who isn't. There are many really bad divorce attorneys out there.

Sorry you have to go through this crap but defend yourself from being taken to the cleaners. Nice guys really finish last in the divorce game.

PM if you would like attorney referral.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Off to find a lawyer.

Ugh, how awful. Hope you find a better one this time. 2012 will be a new start!

 

[littletommy]

There is no amount of counseling that will change her mind and make things right, marriage wise anyway. Don't waste your time or money. As others have said, get a lawyer! Do not make any agreements with her without the lawyer. If you have to sell **** to pay the lawyer, sell it! I'm not sure how or if there are consequences for her leaving the house, but when I got divorced, the first thing my lawyer said was he was glad I hadn't moved out yet, because she could get me for abandonment.

Anyway, hang in there, lay off the liquor, keep your eyes and ears open, and you'll be fine. I know it sucks now, but in a few years you'll look back and be glad she's gone.

 

[revsaxon]

In my divorce we were civil about it and able to avoid lawyers, but as everyone else has said "Lawyer Up!" Sounds like she is going to make things hard on you :/

And no matter how great the temptation don't change the locks before she can move back in if she so chooses. Its a great idea, but often comes back to bite you.

 

[spec4]

You need to get a lawyer who doesn't know her since she too is a lawyer.

 

[Ricnzak]

The advice that has been given already about a lawyer and not moving is very sound.

On another note try to give yourself some "You Time". I read once that getting a divorce can have the same medical tolls on the body that a heart attack can. It is a very hard thing to deal with if you were in love with your wife. You will need a clear head to have time to think things out and plan you next move. You have just entered the biggest game of chess ever. Everything you do will have results and how you respond will help determine how well this can go for you. One small bright note that with not having kids you are not going to have her in your life forever. If kids are invloved she will most always be around at birthdays, holidays, graduations, ect.

Good Luck to you and stay strong.

Oh yeah, Hide yor guns!