I NEED HELP! A TOILET SPIDER MOLESTED ME AND STOLE MY WALLET!

[bradmedic04]

Traveling for work right now, and during my morning dump, something tickled my left cheek. I leaned to look and there was a good sized spider hanging from the under side of the toilet seat. I nearly jumped through the ceiling,which flung my wallet from my pocket into the toilet. I considered giving this spider some .45 caliber justice, but that seems like overkill. Maybe if I had a 9mm, which everyone knows poses no danger to anything that actually matters. I decided on aerosol spray and a lighter. When the fire department leaves, I'm looking forward to a real hot shower.

Now the real question...how badly do I need the stuff in my wallet back? Is it worth cleaning semi-public toilet fecal coliform bacteria off each plastic card? What if this is a trap, and more spiders are waiting for me to reach in? Is there anyone out there whocares?

 

[Rookie]

Whocares.

Fill the toilet with uncoiled rice.

 

[Rookie]

A somewhat related story...

Last night, I step up to the toilet to drain the dragon. In mid stream, I hear a hiss and see a mist heading toward my left foot. My natural reaction is to jump. Did I mention I'm still mid stream?

Apparently, my wife decided that right beside the toilet would be a good place for an automatic air freshener...

 

[Gaffer]

Whocares.

Fill the toilet with uncoiled rice.

Will this isn't going to work.. Have you ever tried uncoiling rice??????

 

[Thor]

Reminds me of every outhouse I've ever used. It's a trap. The wallet now, that's your call.

 

[Alpo]

You guys are harshing my buzz.

And, just so you know, this is one of the reasons I am hesitant to shake hands.....

 

[bradmedic04]

A somewhat related story...

Last night, I step up to the toilet to drain the dragon. In mid stream, I hear a hiss and see a mist heading toward my left foot. My natural reaction is to jump. Did I mention I'm still mid stream?

Apparently, my wife decided that right beside the toilet would be a good place for an automatic air freshener...

From a trickle to a roar?

 

[Itchytriggerfinger]

If your man card was in your wallet, just flush the whole thing because there isn't anything in there you need anymore.

 

[bradmedic04]

If your man card was in your wallet, just flush the whole thing because there isn't anything in there you need anymore.

I surrendered that a very, very long time ago.

 

[miguel]

On a "win one for the humans" note, earlier today in my garage, I picked up a bag of fixtures used for my air compressor and damn if there wasn't a spider the size of a mason jar lid under it. For once, he was more surprised than I was, and I put all 250+ lbs I have onto him. I know he has buddies, but he won't be making trouble any longer.

 

[printcraft]

 

[LockStocksAndBarrel]

Simple solution: Flip a lit cigarette butt out the window and wait for the state police to come and get your wallet.

 

[bradmedic04]

Hope he's got a butt flap in those tights.

 

[KMaC]

Hope he's got a butt flap in those tights.

That's not a Trap Door Spider so I call fake.

 

[femurphy77]

On a "win one for the humans" note, earlier today in my garage, I picked up a bag of fixtures used for my air compressor and damn if there wasn't a spider the size of a mason jar lid under it. For once, he was more surprised than I was, and I put all 250+ lbs I have onto him. I know he has buddies, but he won't be making trouble any longer.

That's why I keep a .22 Benjamin pellet pistol in the barn. The GF just rolled her eyes the first time I yelled; "DON'T STEP ON IT", "I'll get my pellet gun"!

 

[thunderchicken]

Traveling for work right now, and during my morning dump, something tickled my left cheek. I leaned to look and there was a good sized spider hanging from the under side of the toilet seat. I nearly jumped through the ceiling,which flung my wallet from my pocket into the toilet. I considered giving this spider some .45 caliber justice, but that seems like overkill. Maybe if I had a 9mm, which everyone knows poses no danger to anything that actually matters. I decided on aerosol spray and a lighter. When the fire department leaves, I'm looking forward to a real hot shower.

Now the real question...how badly do I need the stuff in my wallet back? Is it worth cleaning semi-public toilet fecal coliform bacteria off each plastic card? What if this is a trap, and more spiders are waiting for me to reach in? Is there anyone out there whocares?

Good luck with that. That is why I tried to teach my kids to stay seated for the entire ride unless its a real emergency. Hope it all works out for you

 

[Thumper]

Its just a spider

 

[hopper68]

All I can say about the wallet is Who Cares. And was it a State Trooper Spider?





Has Wallet not gone through enough already? His life is flushed with adventure.

 

[printcraft]

Hope he's got a butt flap in those tights.

The tights are kind of a mesh material, it works something like this...

 

[bradmedic04]

Its just a spider

And a latex glove is just a glove. Like spiders, it becomes a lot scarier when you add possible rectal insertion to the equation.