Having "The Talk" - Family vs. Curious Stranger

[Jack Ryan]

I'm asking, then, fellow gun owners (and maybe a few spouses). How did you work around the issue in your household?

How did I? ROTFL, you are a young man.

I have managed to narrow it down to pretty much a standard response if she starts getting wound up. "Why are you carrying half a duffle back packed with kleenx, house keys to a house we don't own any more, 40 pounds of change, kotex, make up you don't wear, what ever else is in that bug out bag you call a purse?" About then is when she rolls her eyes and we just go on.

 

[techres]

"Why are you carrying half a duffle back packed with kleenx, house keys to a house we don't own any more, 40 pounds of change, kotex, make up you don't wear, what ever else is in that bug out bag you call a purse?" About then is when she rolls her eyes and we just go on.

My wife has actually shifted to a small backpack. Why live a lie any longer, it really is a small BOB!

 

[Rookie]

Now to reverse this my wife is going to insist that our kids wear helmets and knee pads on a bike even though I think it is unnecessary and they look dumb as **** in them. I fell out of a wagon being towed behind a lawnmower by my parents no less when I was five... even-though I still to this day have a rock in my head I am no worse for the wear. If she does it anyway even if I say no is that ok?

Take it from someone who had to give their daughter mouth to mouth because she stopped breathing when she fell off her bike and hit her head on the pavement. Helmets look dumb, but they are mandatory since that day.

 

[dburkhead]

Now to reverse this my wife is going to insist that our kids wear helmets and knee pads on a bike even though I think it is unnecessary and they look dumb as **** in them. I fell out of a wagon being towed behind a lawnmower by my parents no less when I was five... even-though I still to this day have a rock in my head I am no worse for the wear. If she does it anyway even if I say no is that ok?

Csaws, you may be no worse for wear, but that doesn't speak to the many others who were the worse for wear. It's the one's who survived that kind of thing who are hear to talk about it. The one's who didn't aren't. It's up to others to speak on their behalf.

 

[indytechnerd]

Thanks for the move, Pami.

Discussion was spirited last night. Unfortunately for me, she associates guns with 'bad people' and not in the way we do. Her experiences with guns have been entirely negative. Bangers who'd shot each other up, multiple NDs in ER exam rooms, teenagers 'playing' turning into ADs resulting in death, she's got a pretty long list of examples of bad things happening when guns are involved.

I pushed a little, explaining that all of those were a responsibility issue, and that a secured firearm, including in a holster doesn't just go off and kill people. She wasn't hearing it, so I let it go for now.

...A better case scenario might be to expose her to many like-minded people (especially other females) like the INGO get togethers. She may not be open to the idea of carrying until she can relate to other mothers that approve and/carry....

The family picnic has entered my thoughts, but I'm not sure that the time is right to play that card, yet.

The upside is that she's not against me owning a gun, even now.

 

[Pami]

Thanks for the move, Pami.

Discussion was spirited last night. Unfortunately for me, she associates guns with 'bad people' and not in the way we do. Her experiences with guns have been entirely negative. Bangers who'd shot each other up, multiple NDs in ER exam rooms, teenagers 'playing' turning into ADs resulting in death, she's got a pretty long list of examples of bad things happening when guns are involved.

I pushed a little, explaining that all of those were a responsibility issue, and that a secured firearm, including in a holster doesn't just go off and kill people. She wasn't hearing it, so I let it go for now.


The family picnic has entered my thoughts, but I'm not sure that the time is right to play that card, yet.

The upside is that she's not against me owning a gun, even now.

So I don't have to repeat myself for the umteenth time, read this post: https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo..._an_issue_and_need_some_help-3.html#post80201

I've come a long way in a year. And God works in mysterious ways. Just be patient, and keep trying at her pace. She'll come around to be at least more understanding of it eventually.

 

[Marc]

The subject has been broached at the TechNerd household. Suffice to say, my wife is less than enthusiastic about me carrying when we're out and about. Now, I've read enough articles, forum posts, and blog entries that I could defend my rights against John Q with relative ease. That conversation has been infinitely more difficult with my wife.

To preface, I haven't carried for several years. I've owned a pistol the whole time I've been around her, and she has, in fact, bought me a long gun as a gift. But, to her, locked in a firebox in the closet and snapped into a holster on my hip are two WAY different ballparks.

I'm asking, then, fellow gun owners (and maybe a few spouses). How did you work around the issue in your household?

i married a woman in the Army... we didnt need to talk

 

[singlestacksig]

you might want to get involved in shooting sports such as USPS & IDPA , and take a RSO & personal protection class .. to show that you are not trying to "prove" anything by strapping a gun on...
by taking classes and participating in shoots with others she may see that you really are interested in being safe & having the gun for when it is really needed...

 

[IUGradStudent]

I would say don't push it too hard with lots of intense conversations because then she will feel "pressured" and will solidify her opposition to it. When I first told my wife I wanted to buy firearms she wasn't thrilled with the idea. The biggest thing that changed her mind was taking a women's self-defense class. It was a three hour weaponless defense class, just for women taught by a woman. Hearing stories from the instructor opened her eyes to how many dangerous things are out there and how exposed she was to them as a woman (and a mother). From that point, she quickly became OK with me buying more guns and carrying them constantly.

I think things might work better if someone other than you is the one who works on her a bit. If you keep bringing it up, she might feel like she needs to keep arguing so that she doesn't "lose the argument" -- better for someone else, preferably whom she respects or trusts, to bring it up where she doesn't have to be defensive about it and can actually think through it. I don't know if a self-defense class would do it for her, but it certainly helped my wife.

I also think that through her work as a nurse (and maybe life experience before that) she has come to think think "I want to help people...so many people are hurt I just don't want people to be hurt. So, I want things that can hurt people to be far away from me and preferably illegal. Guns really hurt people, so I don't want them being carried around." A light will have to go on in her head that guns can be used for good in order to prevent harm, and not until that happens will she really become OK with the idea.

Make sure you spend plenty of time practicing, too, so you always have the "I'm very safe with the gun, I've trained a lot, I know how to avoid hurting people" line to use. If my wife ever got the idea I didn't know what I was doing that would send off huge alarm bells for her.

Even with all that said, I would go ahead and carry even if she was opposed to the idea. Just say, "Honey, I know you don't like it and I've listened to everything you've said, but I really feel that it's important for me to do this. I'm being very safe in how I do it and I am doing it because I want to keep you and others from getting hurt. I hope that you can at least understand that." That's a way to carry, keep the man card, but not be intimidating and pressuring her. That's my theory, anyway. After she sees you carry a couple of dozen times she'll realize that the gun doesn't go off by itself, you didn't shoot anyone, the world didn't end, and maybe, possibly, I guess there are some times when I might be happy he has it with him. Then you are good to go

 

[indyjoe]

We recently had a friend, who lives alone, survive a break-in. She lives alone, now that the kids have moved out. A man came to the door and knocked. Something didn't feel right. Instead of going to the door, she dropped down and crawled under the windows to the door to peek out. Something didn't seem right.

After a while he leaves. She is still worried and decides to go upstairs and hide in he son's closet. With a telephone, her only defense. She dials 911 as she hears crashing. The shed was unlocked and the robber threw a dumbbell through the back window.

The Police arrive and announce for him to come out with his hands up. The Police start in the back and he unlocks and runs out the front into an Officer. The good guys win. She was very lucky.

What this event did was plant a seed in my fiancee's mind. She had a similar experience when she bought her first home. A man knocking at the door late at night, wanting to "use the phone". She lived alone. She opened the window slightly and yelled, "Be quiet. You're gonna wake up my husband and he's gonna shoot you." The bluff worked.

At lunch yesterday, Amy said she was thinking about what she would do if someone broke in when she was home alone. We started the discussion. I told her there is a reason my dresser is the distance it is away from the inward opening bedroom door. I know if she needed to she could push it over and block the door closed. I told her the cordless phone in speaker phone mode sitting on the bed as she sat behind the bed with the Mossy 500 from the closet in her hands would be a good option. She is getting it.

As Pami and others says, they have to get it for themselves. I'm reading The Truth about Self Defense right now and it has some good infomation about the reality of criminals and ideas to suggest that might help her out of condition white.

 

[Redskinsfan]

As Pami and others says, they have to get it for themselves.

I agree with IndyJoe. My wife while single used to believe that nothing bad could happen to her because everyone was nice. One night changed that completely after a man attempted to break in to her house THREE times in one night. The police were called each time and on the first two instances he fled only to return later. The cops waited for him to return on the third time and caught him. The window was sticky so he could not open it easily or he would have gotten in. When I met her she asked me to teach her how to shoot and has always appreciated that I was an expert in firearms. Being a victim changes one's attitude. I hope that your wife can be persuaded more easily.

Since the original inquiry was by a man with two young children, I recommend an electronic pistol safe. It is easily opened by combo, small enough to place on your dresser and not accessible by children or others. They cost around $40.

I strongly recommend keeping the discusson with your wife ongoing and deciding this together.

Best regards,

Terry

 

[cce1302]

Sorry for the visit to what I consider the "Women's Sanctuary" - Where they can come and talk without us butting in too much, but I followed a link out of the other forum and would like to post a reply.


My family experience: I grew up around guns all the time; dad had an FFL business on the side at home, so there were guns and ammo all over the house. I was signing for guns from the UPS driver by the time I was 13. (probably not legal, but that was 15 years ago.) My wife grew up in a family of hunters; no handguns, but she didn't have a problem with guns. We got married and I had a few handguns already, and a CCW permit in Virginia, but I rarely carried. She knew I could, but I just didn't feel the way I do now. We lived outside the US for a year where I couldn't have any guns. We came back and I bought my carry pistol and started carrying fairly regularly. I went to Iraq, and since I came back have never been unarmed, to the point that one day I was carrying openly, we were walking with the kids through the neighborhood, and had walked over a mile at that point, when she looked at me and said, "do you know your gun is totally showing?" I replied, "Yes, I'm carrying openly." She hardly notices anymore and would probably be surprised if she noticed me not carrying.
In October she asked me to get her a LTCH. It arrived in December, but she hasn't carried yet. We're talking about how she will carry. Oh yeah, I bought her a Beretta Tomcat a couple years ago.

I'm going to take her to the range again before she starts carrying. She doesn't have much opportunity to shoot. She gets to pick which of my guns she wants to shoot when we go to the range. If she wants to shoot just hers and the 9mm, that's fine, or if she wants to shoot a .22 or a .40 it's all up to her. I just let her shoot what she's comfortable with.

One way that I've seen people become more comfortable, and even excited about shooting, is by using a 10/22, especially one with a scope. Let them see how well they can shoot at 50 yds, with a quiet rifle and no recoil, they'll start having fun. When they have fun, you hardly need to talk them into anything.

 

[msmith103]

How do you explain??

This may have been covered in a thread before but... I have some friends that become very uncomfortable with the mention of firearms or me carrying one, sometimes to the point of them wanting to be confrontational about it. (Keep in mind that i am in college) I do not carry on campus at all, (due to legality) but do most of the time when I am out eating and so forth. I am in a fraternity and rarely carry over there because well some of them are just plain idiots...... Should I push the issue to make it seem more normal or would I be better off just to leave there thoughts to themselves and keep doing what I am doing? Its not really affecting anyone around me and I carry concealed so I guess I just do not see what the big deal is....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Scutter01]

Merging the previous post into this thread because they're so similar.

 

[GetA2J]

"I" never get confrontational around anti-gun people. My wife and I just went to visit a friend of hers. The husband was very excited to have recently gotten his handgun permit.
While we were sitting sround their table the wife had made mention of someone else (Maybe a brother-in-law or another friend of theirs) and the fact that they felt (or at least acted) like they needed to be armed at all times.
I asked what she meant by that, She replied that she saw no reason for him to be armed "here at my house, or while we are OUT for dinner somewhere like a nice restaraunt"
I reminded her about the restaraunt massacre that happened a few years ago where a gunman had driven his truck inside a restaraunt and just started shooting people. At least one of the patrons that fateful day had a license to carry a handgun and carried it religiously. However that particular state had in effect a law that forbids the lawful gun owner and license holder from carrying their only method of personal protection inside a public restaraunt. (probably enacted by people who felt exactly like my wife's friend) This patron whatched as her father and then her mother were gunned down by this mad man all the while helpless to defend herself OR her loved ones against this maniac because she was not permitted to possess the means with witch to do so.
All the while I sat there concealed carrying my .45 in HER house. "I" didn't want to offend her by telling her "well "I" will carry anywhere I want AND I am carrying right now" but I did let her know that there is a reason to NOT restrict the lawful possession and carrying of handguns by law abiding citizens ANYWHERE.


Just my

 

[mettle]

My wife has warmed very little to me having a firearm in the car, on me or in the house. She is getting used to the idea and as I explain bits and pieces as to why I have it; statistics, crime, practical precautions etc. she is slowly, slowly realizing that the idea has merit.

 

[indytechnerd]

Hit a breakthru Friday night. She's still opposed to me carrying regularly, but did say that if I set it up, she'd take a basic firearms course. So, now my goal is to find a ACT or NRA basic course that would, preferably, be a ladies only event, at least for students. I think she'd be more comfortable in a class of all women and would certainly be better off if there was no competition, real or imagined, with me.

 

[Pami]

Hit a breakthru Friday night. She's still opposed to me carrying regularly, but did say that if I set it up, she'd take a basic firearms course. So, now my goal is to find a ACT or NRA basic course that would, preferably, be a ladies only event, at least for students. I think she'd be more comfortable in a class of all women and would certainly be better off if there was no competition, real or imagined, with me.

ACT has a ladies-only class in April that I'm going to try to make it to, actually. https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...ning/17008-ladies_only_competition_class.html

Also, if you can get her in on one of Vicki Farnam's Women-only classes, that would be top-notch: https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...n_and_vicki_farnam_2009_indiana_schedule.html (looks like May 8-10 or May 15-17)

 

[esrice]

ITC that is great news!

Getting her into the ACT class, especially if Pami was also there, would be AWESOME!

And +1 on the Vicki Farnam class. I've heard nothing but positive comments about it.

 

[indytechnerd]

Dunno about the ACT class, it looks geared toward competition. On the DTI, that would be perfect. Is it BYOG or are all materials provided?