Trust, a lost virtue?

[smokingman]

My problem was that I used to expect others to have the same virtues that I had myself. If you need a hand, and I say that I'll be there at 10:00, come hell or high water I'll be there at 9:55. If we make an agreement, there's no need for a handshake (you'll most likely get one anyway), or a written contract. My word is my bond. If someone is counting on me for just about anything, I won't let you down. It didn't even cross my mind that good friends and even family wouldn't do the same.

The reality is that as I grow older, I find that very few people have those same virtues. I used to expect them from everyone until they proved me wrong. Now, I expect the opposite until they prove trustworthy/honest/dependable. I have been burned far too many times to count. And I probably will again. But I have learned through experience to be much more cautious.

The part about being there at 9:55. This is how I am as well. I will be early and there if I say I will.

Not show up 3 hours late and making excuses, without even calling to let me know.

I do not trust anyone anymore. I do not even see a way for someone to earn my trust,and it probably has to do with my divorce as much as it does the cultural shift in human behavior.

 

[chocktaw2]

My Boston Terrior read my post, he disagrees.

 

[patience0830]

Trust is lost because the code most of us live by is not the code of the rest of the population. When winning became the only thing that mattered, not the code.

Name me someone who is embarrassed by their college or pro team that was caught cheating? Embarrassed by the actions of their church? Very few! We have largely lost the code...

Bring the code back!!!

Respect the land, defend the defenseless,. . . . And don't spit in front of women nor children.

 

[Twangbanger]

I can remember a couple times in my life there were people up the chain from me, who were pathologically incapable of trusting anybody. I mean zero. The condition really does exist.

One was a manager who had been burned one time by not being allowed to fire an employee he badly wanted to fire, because HR said he didn't have enough documentation. So he turned into a documentation machine. Keeping files on EVERYbody, we're talking like Richard Nixon or J. Edgar Hoover level of documentation. Good employee or bad, he kept crap files on them, because he always wanted to be able to fire anyone, anytime. He believed respect comes from fear, and he never wanted to be in a position again of not having the dirt on someone.

I later found out, he had tried to fire almost everyone under him at some time or another. HR finally had to rein him in, and when that didn't work, he got reassigned to another location with minimal responsibility and his own wife as his secretary. Because nobody could stand him. Further came to find out, the company only kept him around because he was friends with the brother of the original founder. The minute that guy retired, they canned him immediately.

The other was a Harley-riding, butch...um, lady. She was obviously a quota, in a very, I mean very, political company that "values diversity" in the highest, because their only customer was the government. Every conversation with her was like an interrogation. She would re-start the conversation over again, 3-4 times, because she was _sure_ everybody was lying to her. I tried drinking beers with her, getting to know her, everything in the world. There was just no getting around it. She had a tough upbringing. Her father had issues with how she was. Basically put her out.

You learn from people like that. Both of them were not in their positions because of true merit. I learned I wouldn't put someone like that in charge of a popsicle stand, unless there was no chance they'd ever have anybody under them.

Trust needs to be earned, but "watch out" for people who psychologically are unable to do it. They are damaged goods in some way. You show me someone who has never been in a position where they had to put a level of trust in someone who hadn't earned it yet, and I'll show you somebody who has never really led people.

 

[IndyDave1776]

I will rest on one example of how the common mindset works: Going steady carried more weight when my parents were young than marriage does today.

 

[foszoe]

I will rest on one example of how the common mindset works: Going steady carried more weight when my parents were young than marriage does today.

That's so true.

 

[bwframe]

How many posting in this thread have been divorced?

 

[INgunowner]

Patience is a virtue,
Trust is a liability.


(Not divorced, yet)

 

[Thor]

As has been said up thread; trust is earned, blind trust needs to die a swift death.

The south was known for it's hospitality because when it's warm outside it doesn't require much faith in a stranger to invite them to sit on the porch and have a mint julep. The north not so much so because it takes a lot more faith to invite them into your home out of the cold.

 

[tv1217]

There a song by the band Slipknot which has a title that quite concisely describes what I think about trusting people but I can't repeat it here. Stupid swear filter.

 

[76caprice]

I have noticed as I get older I don’t trust anyone but who is living in my house. I can’t rely on co workers family members etc. friends are a hit and miss the most.

 

[04FXSTS]

A place I worked in the late80's early 90's maintence and repair one foreman was a really nice guy but never wanted to make a decision. Several co-workers would really complain about this but I did not. The general foreman was a real a** and tended to micromanage everything. The way I figured things was how many times do you get chewed out by your boss for making the wrong decision before you quit making decisions. Jim.

 

[mom45]

I used to trust that my neighbors would have respect for our property like we do. Several have proved me wrong so now I'm that bitchy neighbor who tells everyone to stay on their own side of the line. Hubby says I am making enemies of the neighbors. I say, if I'm not trespassing on their land, why do they feel it is acceptable to be on ours as if it is their own? I suggested that maybe I should start driving through theirs randomly because apparently it is okay to do what I want on theirs as if it is mine. He got my point.

 

[Ziggidy]

I am so glad to hear that I am not alone; and that the virtue of trust is alive in most of us....but the older (wiser) we become, we learn how and when to share it.

 

[foszoe]

I used to trust that my neighbors would have respect for our property like we do. Several have proved me wrong so now I'm that bitchy neighbor who tells everyone to stay on their own side of the line. Hubby says I am making enemies of the neighbors. I say, if I'm not trespassing on their land, why do they feel it is acceptable to be on ours as if it is their own? I suggested that maybe I should start driving through theirs randomly because apparently it is okay to do what I want on theirs as if it is mine. He got my point.

Rocks...Big Rocks

 

[patience0830]

How many postong in this thread have been divorced?

Me. Hard to trust an alcoholic.

 

[Hoosier Cowboy]

I seen a shirt the other day that summed up my opinions these days.....I use to be a people person but people ruined that

 

[femurphy77]

My Boston Terrior read my post, he disagrees.

Dude! He's from Boston! There's only one level of "Damn Yankee" worse than that and it's "Damn New York Yankee"!

 

[chubbs]

Each year my circle tightens My group of people I trust is small but solid.

 

[Southbendfamily]

Trust no one. Verify it all.