Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[2A_Tom]

Army pens were gold. They were doled out very sparingly.

Being the company armorer I had to sign out weapons regularly. The infantry men were not bad about walking away with them, but the other HQ section guys were always trying to score one wherever they could.

 

[tackdriver]

Any of you guys spend months in the jungle of VN during monsoon season listening to Hanoi Hannah playing Jimi Hendrix on 11

Nope, but you just threw me back to nights in the DMZ (Korea), fog so thick you cant see 10', and speaker walls blaring Pink Floyd while DPRK arty walking the line. Trippin.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Hawkeye]

View attachment 194519

Ain't retirement sweet?

 

[actaeon277]

Dang it. That was supposed to go in the "funny pics" thread.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[KellyinAvon]

If you've heard this one before don't stop me. I want to hear it again

This one is a bit different. Not in the RoK, not in Iceland, not in Qatar, this was actually Stateside. My favorite base, Eglin AFB, Fort Walton Beach Florida. Early 2000's, young (I was a lot younger 20 years ago and you were too!) USAF MSgt KellyinAvon is attending the 53rd Wing Annual Awards banquet. I never have liked dressing up, this was a semi-formal/mess dress type function. For those of you wondering, no I was not selected as the Senior NCO of the Year for the 53rd Wing.

About two weeks prior the guest speaker had to bow out due to a family emergency. Well the Panhandle of Florida is chock-full of Military retirees. Somebody finds a retired Brigadier General nearby. USAF Academy grad, F-4 Pilot with tours in Vietnam. That sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

Nobody actually spoke to the guy, all coordinated via email. That became obvious...

Dude goes up to speak... he sounded like Mr. Haney from Green Acres. I looked over at a bud from work, he had a look of horror on his face.

20 long minutes later, at least he didn't try to sell us anything.

 

[actaeon277]

This reminded me of something.
Norfolk Naval Station.
Walked from the barracks to the barbershop.
Stuck my head in, looked around, holy crap... minimal waiting line.
So, I WAS GOING to get a haircut.

And then
A chief walked by, and said "You need a haircut". (a chief NOT in my chain of command)
Well, F U chief.
I turned around and walked out.

Of course, I did need a haircut.
Submariners are allowed a longer leash, but we still had one.
So, I had to go back another day, when the line was 10x as long.

 

[HoughMade]

Any of you guys spend months in the jungle of VN during monsoon season listening to Hanoi Hannah playing Jimi Hendrix on 11

Let's just say that I was 2 when the U.S. pulled out and 4 when the war ended. I mean, the soldiers were pretty young, but...

 

[Nazgul]

On the carrier there was a Warrant Officer 1, Boatswain mate who hated Marines. Sort of pudgy guy with a coffee cup on a clip on his uniform belt. He took every chance he had to F with us. Had little time to eat chow one day, we were in port so the line was LONG, went onto the hangar deck. Couple of us in line, Marines had to wear a cover when outdoors, the Hangar Deck was considered out doors and we were literally 2' from the hatch leading to the second deck. In his most demeaning tone and very loud he instructed us to leave the line because we were out of uniform. Didn't get to eat before going back on duty.

Fast forward a few months and we are at sea. Our main function was security of the magazines for the really big bombs. Procedures were strict on responding to any alarm and well practiced. One magazine was aft and required us to go full speed down the port passageway, fully armed [M14's, shotguns, 45's]. There was a signal over the 1MC when the alarm went off so everyone knew what was going on and to move aside because a group of Marines, who had been living cramped together for months were coming. This was always accompanied with loud shouts of "Make a hole!'. I was #3 in line with a riot shotgun when said WO-1 steps out of the officers mess with his favorite coffee mug full of coffee right into our path. The first Marine nails him with his shoulder, knocks him back into the mess, shatters his cup, sprays everyone with coffee. Per training we do not slow down and continue to the magazine, which was a legit alarm for some minor reason, not a drill.

A few minutes after securing the detail and returning the weapons all of us involved in said incident are summoned to the Captains office. On a carrier for 3+ years I was only in the office this one time, normally ship's personnel never went there....ever. Standing there was the Captain, Exec, Boatswain Dept. head, Marine CO and the WO-1 still covered in coffee with a very red face. He proceeded to tell the Captain what happened in a very angry voice. When he was done it was silent for a few minutes. Finally the Captain very calmly said: "Next time get the F##k out of their way!!". He dismissed everyone except the WO-1 and the hatch was slammed shut. Didn't hear from him much after that.

Don

 

[actaeon277]

On the carrier there was a Warrant Officer 1, Boatswain mate who hated Marines. Sort of pudgy guy with a coffee cup on a clip on his uniform belt. He took every chance he had to F with us. Had little time to eat chow one day, we were in port so the line was LONG, went onto the hangar deck. Couple of us in line, Marines had to wear a cover when outdoors, the Hangar Deck was considered out doors and we were literally 2' from the hatch leading to the second deck. In his most demeaning tone and very loud he instructed us to leave the line because we were out of uniform. Didn't get to eat before going back on duty.

Fast forward a few months and we are at sea. Our main function was security of the magazines for the really big bombs. Procedures were strict on responding to any alarm and well practiced. One magazine was aft and required us to go full speed down the port passageway, fully armed [M14's, shotguns, 45's]. There was a signal over the 1MC when the alarm went off so everyone knew what was going on and to move aside because a group of Marines, who had been living cramped together for months were coming. This was always accompanied with loud shouts of "Make a hole!'. I was #3 in line with a riot shotgun when said WO-1 steps out of the officers mess with his favorite coffee mug full of coffee right into our path. The first Marine nails him with his shoulder, knocks him back into the mess, shatters his cup, sprays everyone with coffee. Per training we do not slow down and continue to the magazine, which was a legit alarm for some minor reason, not a drill.

A few minutes after securing the detail and returning the weapons all of us involved in said incident are summoned to the Captains office. On a carrier for 3+ years I was only in the office this one time, normally ship's personnel never went there....ever. Standing there was the Captain, Exec, Boatswain Dept. head, Marine CO and the WO-1 still covered in coffee with a very red face. He proceeded to tell the Captain what happened in a very angry voice. When he was done it was silent for a few minutes. Finally the Captain very calmly said: "Next time get the F##k out of their way!!". He dismissed everyone except the WO-1 and the hatch was slammed shut. Didn't hear from him much after that.

Don

Even on a sub, we heard to get outta the way on one of those drills.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[KellyinAvon]

Let's just say that I was 2 when the U.S. pulled out and 4 when the war ended. I mean, the soldiers were pretty young, but...

I was 10 when Saigon fell...

The other day I was at RK in Avon. I was in my 97 Ranger with the "United States Air Force Retired" window cling in the back glass. So I'm backing out of the parking spot and a guy flags me down.

Me: Can I help you?

The Guy: I see you're retired Air Force. Do you know about the Honor Flights?

Me: Sure do! Vets get flights to DC to see the monuments and memorials.

The Guy: Have you signed up for one?

Me: I'm a bit young for one at this point.

The Guy: Well you were in Vietnam weren't you?

Me: Uuuhhhmm, I was 10 when Saigon fell.

 

[snorko]

We had 10 year olds fighting at the end?!?! No wonder Saigon fell.

 

[nonobaddog]

We had 10 year olds fighting at the end?!?! No wonder Saigon fell.

No. That was them.

 

[actaeon277]

Service ages you.
Duh.


You're lucky. When I was 22, I dated an 18 year old.
Shipmate told me, I was robbing the cradle.
I said, she's over 18.
And he replied, what are you... 30?


geez

 

[2A_Tom]

Service ages you.
Duh.


You're lucky. When I was 22, I dated an 18 year old.
Shipmate told me, I was robbing the cradle.
I said, she's over 18.
And he replied, what are you... 30?


geez

You were born old, George.

 

[actaeon277]