Man Rules

[Bubba]

You know, I can picture Scutter and Spasmo fighting over the same computer...

Scutter: "oh no you didn't, move, and let me reply!!!"

 

[Scutter01]

I'm drinking beer RIGHT NOW! That I had to go get myself.

 

[spasmo]

Ohhhh now you had better not go there!!!!! I asked you if you wanted one with your dinner... so I had already offered. Now where are my chocolates and flowers?

 

[Scutter01]

Now where are my chocolates and flowers?

I'm keeping them at the store for freshness. You can go get them if you want.

 

[spasmo]

Flowchart for manipulating boyfriend
How To Manipulate Your Boyfriend Flowchart | The Frisky

Flowchart for lying to your girlfriend
A Flowchart for Lying to Your Girlfriend

 

[redneckmedic]

This is starting to turn into some family counciling stuff now!!!

 

[Bubba]

I'm keeping them at the store for freshness. You can go get them if you want.

 

[Roadie]

Ah, the good ole days

(thank GOD my wife doesn't come here, lol)

 

[rhino]

Rhino cranks out "Yes, ma'am" on demand with absolutely zero hesitation.

Indeed I do!

Did you hear me speaking to my mother on my mobile phone when we were at Mann's last week?

 

[ATM]

Indeed I do!

Did you hear me speaking to my mother on my mobile phone when we were at Mann's last week?

I heard you speaking to the waitresses.

 

[rhino]

I heard you speaking to the waitresses.

Ah, yes. That.

Well, I may be broken, but I'm not stupid!

Two oldies but goodies:

• If my wife wants to hear my opinion, she'll give it to me.
• If a man is alone in the woods and no women are around to hear, is he still wrong?

 

[kedie]

I'm glad my wife doesn't frequent this forum.

 

[Scutter01]

I'm glad my wife doesn't frequent this forum.

Mine does. She STILL made me some bacon when I got home because she's awesome!

 

[Scout]

Add this...

1. If you ask a man what he's thinking about and he says "nothing", that's it, nothing. Don't push it.

 

[Scout]

WOMAN RULES

1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
If crying occurs i have no idea why and you must tell me.

2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
If I have to lift the seat, I will make you lift the lid.

4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.


7. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts. Gift gift, gift, do I have to buy your love?

10. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
I'll give you that one. You should see my dad sometimes.

13. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
So buy it already.

14. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
I'll just install a urinal next to the toilet. that way the seat stays dry and down.

15. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
My friend's mom blew up an engine that way. She "had to finish shopping."

17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices. Only if you are gay, or a woman.

19. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
Would you like steak for dinner? Yes. Can I punch you in the face? No.
How can I answer those questions without yes or no?

20. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
We live in the present, not the past.

21. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
Why ask a question when you don't want an honest answer?

27. Chinese Food is a meal.
General Tso!

28. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Oh yes it is!

29. Why don't you know all of these rules?
I'm not a mind reader. Please refer to man's rules #1.

If those are too difficult, please refer to below:

1...

12.
Maybe you'd be happier with a cat or dog.

.