Man Rules

[mikea46996]

The Man Rules
​

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
​

1. Men are NOT mindreaders.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail..

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do, sympathy is what your girlfriends are for..


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is NOT admissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways.
One of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We have issues with doing that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,".
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to.
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Trust me on this one.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you want to know.
Be prepared to discuss such topics as Guns, Food, Sports, or your sister.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that?



It's like camping.

 

[HandK]

You Forgot

1. No those jeans dont make your butt look big ! Your Butt makes your Butt look big.

 

[JetGirl]

WOMAN RULES

1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
5. Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
6. We are not always thinking of you.
7. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
8. Our Cats truly are special friends.
9. Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
10. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
11. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
12. If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
13. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
14. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
15. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
16. Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
18. We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
19. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
20. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
21. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
22. There are no good sports.
23. Why can't you ask for directions?
24. Why can't you follow directions?
25. How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
26. You too can order Pizza.
27. Chinese Food is a meal.
28. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
29. Why don't you know all of these rules?

If those are too difficult, please refer to below:

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

 

[redneckmedic]

1.. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

I had to look it up, but I found it!!

 

[IndyGunworks]

REBUTTAL!!!!

 

[redneckmedic]

This is all I heard?!?

WOMAN RULES

1. When crying occurs
2. Watching
3. The toilet seat ?
4. When we ask .
5. Cindy Crawford
6. We are not always thinking of you
7. We are not always looking
8. Our Cats .
9. Shopping .
10. We value your
11. Wearing the same clothes

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him ..........

 

[Chefcook]

WOMAN RULES

1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
5. Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
6. We are not always thinking of you.
7. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
8. Our Cats truly are special friends.
9. Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
10. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
11. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
12. If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
13. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
14. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
15. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
16. Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
18. We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
19. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
20. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
21. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
22. There are no good sports.
23. Why can't you ask for directions?
24. Why can't you follow directions?
25. How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
26. You too can order Pizza.
27. Chinese Food is a meal.
28. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
29. Why don't you know all of these rules?

If those are too difficult, please refer to below:

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

I was going to post on this but I cant, my attention was diverted after #3...This is also why after 3 mins of conversational nonsense a mans replys convert to... Yea, uh huh, really??? That sucks, bummer, uh huh, yup, ok ,yes dear, uh huh, nope, not sure uh huh.......

 

[mikea46996]

WOMAN RULES

1. When crying occurs it is the perfect time for watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/TV
4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for an answer.
5. Cindy Crawford.
6. We are always thinking of you.
7. We are always looking for the perfect gift.
8. Our Cats truly are tasty.
9. Shopping....... not.
10. We value your opinion.
11. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is acceptable.
17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are adequate shoe choices.
18. We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
19. Yes and No are answers, you are on trial and we are not your attorney.
22. There are good sports.
24. You don't need no stinkin directions?
27. Chinese Food is a snack.
28. Chips and Dip are a meal.

5. The female is wrong.

6. The the female is wrong.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

Look Annie added some forgotten rules.....

Thanks Annie!!!!

 

[redneckmedic]

This is going to get very ugly really really fast, sweet!!!!!!

 

[Justice47]

This is all I heard?!?

You must be married?

 

[Dryden]

My wife wouldn't let me read this thread. I hope my speling is ok cause I have my eyes cloosed.

 

[Chefcook]

This is going to get very ugly really really fast, sweet!!!!!!

It wouldn't let me rep you again lol...

 

[spasmo]

 

[spasmo]

 

[spasmo]

 

[Scutter01]

Shh shhh shhh. Less talky, more fetchy. Go get me another beer.

 

[Scutter01]

Hrm...the bit that turns you on is the smallest and hardest to find? Yeah, that sounds about right.

I'm gonna get hurt now, aren't I?

 

[spasmo]

Hrm...the bit that turns you on is the smallest and hardest to find? Yeah, that sounds about right.

I'm gonna get hurt now, aren't I?

This should take care of it...

 

[spasmo]

The men will enjoy this one..

 

[Annie Oakley]

+1 for Spasmo! Hadn't seem some of those before. Both sides of this are really funny.