Dad actually cleans gun in front of date and daughter not happy

[MoparMan]

This one's been around a while, but it's still relevant.......

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


I received this years ago. A reader recently shared that the original author was W. Bruce Cameron. Bruce's original work can be viewed at Copyright © 1998 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com.

+1 Those are great! I gotta find those on a plaque or put them on a plaque.

 

[jstwrit]

only boys but...

My boys will have a bullets I give to them with their names on them. When they meet dads like you guys they'll give it to you and say "my dad want's you to know he's got one with my name on it too." I only pray my boys choose dads that care about they're daughters.

 

[edsinger]

This is a great thread.

When I met my father in law for the first time, he proceeded to show me his .38. He was an ex-marine and tried the tough guy stuff. When seeing the .38, I started laughing and said " well its a nice pea-shooter and all but I perfer .44's, they better range and take less shots".

That was 15 years ago, didnt scare me a bit.......

Then about 2 years after the marriage, I got to see my wife empty 5 rounds of 00 buck from a 12G in about 20 seconds.

 

[paperboy]

357 magnum - $300.00
Cleaning Kit - $20.00
Scaring the living S**T out of boyfriend.......... PRICELESS!!!!

 

[Crimson]

That is funny. Just wish I had a daughter to try some of the same things on the boyfriends. But I have 2 boys before long will be going thru this with meeting the dads.

 

[JetGirl]

So far, only one boy has tried the macho bit with intent to impress my daughter (in reference to paint ball).
She went to her room and retrieved one of her targets from a game we played and a bullet she retrieved from a plastic water bottle she shot.
He shut up.

 

[Jay]

...and the rest of the story is.....

daughter outshot both mom and dad, when they were down here ...

 

[JetGirl]

...and the rest of the story is.....

daughter outshot both mom and dad, when they were down here ...

Yes, she did.
That's my baby!!

 

[ewoodworth1]

i am 20, and if i ever meet a dad like you guys i'll probably **** the girl off when i drool more over the guns than her...

 

[jeremy]

LOL! Good for that Dad!

The cleaning the gun in front of me never really bothered me to much. I grew up around them and actually usually sidetracked the effort into gun talk.
I have had 3 fathers scare me when I asked their daughters out.

One owned a scrap yard with a car crusher. I had to meet him one day when he happened to be crushing a like mine.
The second one ran an excavating business and asked if I knew how long it takes to find something that is buried 30 feet underground.
The third one was a General and commenced to tell me about my career.

 

[Buckhunter]

What a good thread! As the father of a nine year old I know it's right around the corner when I'm gonna have to be the "intimidator". Kinda scares the hell out of me when I get to thinking about my baby girl. Thanks Jay for the ten rules. I'm going to take these and make them my own. Maybe I should make them into a contract that every little boy must sign before taking my daughter out. Maybe I'll even let him sign his own bullet too.

 

[Rookie]

That is funny, I know both my girls will hate me when they start dating. My plan for meeting them is to be in my worst boxers and nastiest t-shirt, beer in hand. Then I will "gently" place my arm around them and whisper in their ear, "anything you do to my daughter I will do to you", I figure they will be smart enough to figure out what that means

By the way I'm 6'1" and 300 lbs.

I used this method the other day. Needless to say, the boy was just a touch worried - especially when I told him (in front of my wife), "momma won't let me have a girlfriend, but I can have all the boy toys I want."

 

[indybrad]

If I have a daughter I plan on doing the same thing.

 

[40calPUNISHER]

I think it went something like this...

PG-13...ish

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRiT3ISEN3M&feature=related"]YouTube - Bad Boys 2 meet the DATE[/ame]

 

[countrylivn01]

My dad did all that with my sister's boyfriends. I've even helped a few times.He made them sign contracts about their intentions. I saw 1 boy break out in hives and never come back. His classic line was "There's 3 things I'll go to prison for, and they all live in this house." Now, I have a 3 yr old daughter and I'm not looking forward to the boyfriend days. I'm preparing already.

 

[clt46910]

I have an 11 year old daughter that will be dating in a few years. I enjoy both guns and knives. I think I would be more likely to be sharpening a huge bowie and then showing him how easy it will cut toilet paper then cleaning a gun.

I do have and know how to use my pro-edge sharpening equipment...LOL

 

[bft131]

If my daughter gets in the car and the guy starts to cry, I sure hope she has the sense to get out......

 

[Substance-P]

This is a good thread and I am glad whenever I hear of parents taking a real interest in their daughters' (or sons') dating lives. Along with cleaning guns and knives and making veiled (or overt) threats to potential suitors, we can't underestimate the need to have open and honest conservations with children about our expectations for them when mom and dad aren't around. As much as a temporary scare might influence a young man's actions around your daughter, it sounds like many of you have been blessed to have proactive and strong young women as daughters who won't put up with crap themselves.

 

[El Cazador]

This is a good thread and I am glad whenever I hear of parents taking a real interest in their daughters' (or sons') dating lives. Along with cleaning guns and knives and making veiled (or overt) threats to potential suitors, we can't underestimate the need to have open and honest conservations with children about our expectations for them when mom and dad aren't around. As much as a temporary scare might influence a young man's actions around your daughter, it sounds like many of you have been blessed to have proactive and strong young women as daughters who won't put up with crap themselves.

Yes, sir. Teach your daughters their own value, and just be there in the background for them if they need the extra support.

During college, my daughter came home for a holiday break, and one of her male friends from college came sniffing around. I came back from rabbit hunting right before he showed up rather unexpectedly, and I was legitimately cleaning the shotgun in the kitchen. Never thought about scaring the boy. He was certainly polite while he was there, but my daughter told me later on I must have spooked him, because he asked if I always was cleaning guns like that. He also never asked her out again.

Her mother and I taught her self-respect, she just applies it well. I've heard stories from her girlfriends in college of how she reminded the boys to behave, and they are all a hoot. My son-in-law has a couple of pretty good ones, too.

 

[dburkhead]

That's nothing new, I was met at the door one night by a dad with a gun, I wasn't impressed, I had better guns than he did plus his daughter wasn't that hot

the scary gun thing only works on some teenage boys I wasn't one of them

You see, that's part of the point. If a boy can be intimdated by me and a few simple activities like cleaning a gun or posting selected targets on the wall then he's not man enough for my little girl.