VUPDblue
Silencers Have NEVER Been Illegal !
I had a humorous career first a week or so ago and thought I'd share.
I had been doing my thing most of the day and decided to grab a quick bite with a buddy. I drove over to his beat and was waiting in the shopping center parking lot for him to arrive so we could go in and order some sammiches. As I sat there waiting, a dispatch came out of a shoplifter running out of the liquor store on the corner of the shopping center where I was sitting. I look over my shoulder and, sure enough, here comes the suspect trotting right toward me like his methy brain can't process that he's making a bee line toward a fully marked police car. I jump out of the car and order him to show his hands, which he does, but then yells "**** you, I can't go back to jail" and takes off running.
Great. I radio for help and take off after him. He's zig-zagging like a warship in sub territory but somehow my big ass is gaining on him. He runs across a 5 lane roadway without regard for traffic, maybe getting pancaked is better than going to jail...hell I don't know, but I have to actually slow down because getting pancaked is not on my list of things to do today. I get across the roadway and continue the chase into another shopping center and I'm trying to make up the ground I lost in the roadway. Skinnymethman is weaving in and out of cars parked in the lot trying to lose me, but ends up circling back towards me. Great, he's making up my ground for me! At this point I'm getting tired of running in full kit and annoyed at Mr. Methy for making me run in the first place. Well he realizes he's going the wrong way and turns back around and stops the zig-zagging in favor of another bee line. It's at this point I decide that I may need some mechanical assistance and, of the options available to me, I chose to blow the dust off of my trusty Taser.
Skinnymethman is wearing a heavy Carhartt jacket and once I realize that, my hopes of electrical assistance are dashed. In the same instant, I realize that his legs are not armored by heavy canvas, but I'm not quite close enough to make that work. Then, at that moment, Skinnymethman stops running, pulls out of his jacket the fifth of Cuervo that he stole, and throws it at me, hitting my foot. Well the distance was now such that ol' sparky was again a viable option so I unholstered, told Skinnymethman to lay on the ground, which he didn't do, and deployed my cartridge. One probe to the buttox and one to the lower calf produced the desired effect and down to the ground he went. On the way down, with the skill that only a seasoned meth head has, both probes were removed.
I have officially had enough running at this point and used all of my 200# to take Skinnymethman back to the ground and hold him there with only the assistance of gravity. This was also effective but the refusal to give me his hands was a problem. I hear hollering and laughing all around me and I look around to see no less than a dozen bystanders standing around us, cell phones out, narrating the shenanigans for their impending Bookface posts. I'm telling meth man to give me his hands, which he won't do, and is trying his hardest to get away from me.
Then this large (even compared to me large) man gets out of a car and approaches us. Keep in mind that I work in the ghetto so I am expecting the worst, hoping that my buddies get here sooner rather than later. The man looks me dead in the eye and says "bro, you need help?" and I replied that that would be nice. Big boy leans in, grabs the arm of Skinnymethman, and brings it behind his back to my waiting handcuff like he's bending a Stretch Armstrong doll. I get the cuff on and repeat the process for arm #2. It's at this time that my buddies arrive and we're all good at this point.
I hop up and shake Big Boy's hand and ask if I can get his info for my report. Big Boy smiles from ear to ear, says "nope" and hops in his car and peels off. Today's episode of "tales from the 'hood" was a pretty good one. I have never had a citizen offer to give me a hand before, even on a serious-injury type of scene. Faith in humanity, even if only for today, is restored.
I had been doing my thing most of the day and decided to grab a quick bite with a buddy. I drove over to his beat and was waiting in the shopping center parking lot for him to arrive so we could go in and order some sammiches. As I sat there waiting, a dispatch came out of a shoplifter running out of the liquor store on the corner of the shopping center where I was sitting. I look over my shoulder and, sure enough, here comes the suspect trotting right toward me like his methy brain can't process that he's making a bee line toward a fully marked police car. I jump out of the car and order him to show his hands, which he does, but then yells "**** you, I can't go back to jail" and takes off running.
Great. I radio for help and take off after him. He's zig-zagging like a warship in sub territory but somehow my big ass is gaining on him. He runs across a 5 lane roadway without regard for traffic, maybe getting pancaked is better than going to jail...hell I don't know, but I have to actually slow down because getting pancaked is not on my list of things to do today. I get across the roadway and continue the chase into another shopping center and I'm trying to make up the ground I lost in the roadway. Skinnymethman is weaving in and out of cars parked in the lot trying to lose me, but ends up circling back towards me. Great, he's making up my ground for me! At this point I'm getting tired of running in full kit and annoyed at Mr. Methy for making me run in the first place. Well he realizes he's going the wrong way and turns back around and stops the zig-zagging in favor of another bee line. It's at this point I decide that I may need some mechanical assistance and, of the options available to me, I chose to blow the dust off of my trusty Taser.
Skinnymethman is wearing a heavy Carhartt jacket and once I realize that, my hopes of electrical assistance are dashed. In the same instant, I realize that his legs are not armored by heavy canvas, but I'm not quite close enough to make that work. Then, at that moment, Skinnymethman stops running, pulls out of his jacket the fifth of Cuervo that he stole, and throws it at me, hitting my foot. Well the distance was now such that ol' sparky was again a viable option so I unholstered, told Skinnymethman to lay on the ground, which he didn't do, and deployed my cartridge. One probe to the buttox and one to the lower calf produced the desired effect and down to the ground he went. On the way down, with the skill that only a seasoned meth head has, both probes were removed.
I have officially had enough running at this point and used all of my 200# to take Skinnymethman back to the ground and hold him there with only the assistance of gravity. This was also effective but the refusal to give me his hands was a problem. I hear hollering and laughing all around me and I look around to see no less than a dozen bystanders standing around us, cell phones out, narrating the shenanigans for their impending Bookface posts. I'm telling meth man to give me his hands, which he won't do, and is trying his hardest to get away from me.
Then this large (even compared to me large) man gets out of a car and approaches us. Keep in mind that I work in the ghetto so I am expecting the worst, hoping that my buddies get here sooner rather than later. The man looks me dead in the eye and says "bro, you need help?" and I replied that that would be nice. Big boy leans in, grabs the arm of Skinnymethman, and brings it behind his back to my waiting handcuff like he's bending a Stretch Armstrong doll. I get the cuff on and repeat the process for arm #2. It's at this time that my buddies arrive and we're all good at this point.
I hop up and shake Big Boy's hand and ask if I can get his info for my report. Big Boy smiles from ear to ear, says "nope" and hops in his car and peels off. Today's episode of "tales from the 'hood" was a pretty good one. I have never had a citizen offer to give me a hand before, even on a serious-injury type of scene. Faith in humanity, even if only for today, is restored.
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