Tough decision .....

[buffalo-springfield40]

Let me start by saying that i believe that everyone has the right to the freedom that this great country has to offer...but does that right also gives you the right to decide on how you should die?.......heres my story...very good buddy of mine has been fighting cancer now for about 3 yrs...he was just told this morning that the cancer has gone into his bones....Dr. says that they will start a more aggressive form of chemo...i just got off the phone with him....his words sent a chill down my spine...he said that he has fought a good fight...and that he does not want to suffer for another yr.,...he said he's going to enjoy the time he has...then he said when things gets to rough...he'll go the way he wants to go..not the way the cancer wants him to..his view is that his last 3 yrs years have been taken from him..he's not letting the cancer take another minute...heres my question....do i support my friend...honor his request..and let him live..and die..the way he wants...or do i try and get him to want to live..and hopefully ,,the chemo will give him another 3 yrs..or maybe even more...i've tried to imagine what i would do...up till now..i don't have a answer..what would you do?

 

[shibumiseeker]

That's a tough situation. Me, personally, I support my friend in whatever decision he makes, and if that is ending his own life at the time of his choosing before the pain and disability get too great, then that what I would support. For other folks the religious or personal strictures against such a thing take precedence. Ultimately you have to decide for yourself how you are going to handle it, obviously.

 

[42769vette]

imo when folks are that sick and in that much pain not supporting there decision is selfish. its a tough call to make but we want them to stick it out for us

my grandfather went through this sort of thing. he was ready to get it over with for a lack of better words. we all wanted him to keep fighting but in hindsight we wanted him to keep fighting for our own reasons. a 2 years later he made the right call. at the time it was defintally the wrong decision in our eyes

 

[E5RANGER375]

i would sit and talk to him for sure and talk about both points. but if the man is gonna die 4 sure, then id let him make the choice. i cant even begin to imagine. my thoughts are with your friend and with you. be strong for him, and cherish the time you have left. At least he will get the chance to say his good bye. Many people dont. It doesnt make it any less sad, but a good bye can mean a lot down the road in the healing process. stay strong brother

 

[JDonhardt]

I believe a person should be allowed to control their own death if they wish. I'm thinking its Washington State that will allow terminally ill people to end it, if they wish. A drug will be prescribed and can be taken at the patients will. They will fall asleep and then die a little while later.

The people who are against death are the living. Wanting to keep someone alive when they are suffering is a very selfish way of thinking. I know its nearly impossible to NOT be selfish in this way.

 

[Bubba]

I'm not sure I could bring myself to assist someone in this purpose, but I have no problem with a person deciding their own end. However, based on the line "he'll go the way he wants to go", I need to add a caveat: I could only support this as long as the sick person's planned demise involves them and them alone - no fiery car crashes, explosions etc.

 

[E5RANGER375]

I believe a person should be allowed to control their own death if they wish. I believe its Washington State that will allow terminally ill people to end it, if they wish. A drug will be prescribed and can be taken at the patients will. They will fall asleep and then die a little while later.

yep that sounds good to me. If i didnt have a family to consider, then i would jump out of a plane, and I would be happy as a oppossum eating sh*t. but that wouldnt be kind to my family.
no one wants to die especialy not when its not on their own terms

 

[2cool9031]

The decision is his and his alone and you should support him in that. It might not be what you would do if put in that situation, but as a friend you should respect his decision.

 

[E5RANGER375]

I'm not sure I could bring myself to assist someone in this purpose, but I have no problem with a person deciding their own end. However, based on the line "he'll go the way he wants to go", I need to add a caveat: I could only support this as long as the sick person's planned demise involves them and them alone - no fiery car crashes, explosions etc.

well yeah. i dont think he wants to go on a killing spree.

I understand where your coming from about not helping. but if my TRUE friend, needed me then i WOULD be there no matter what or for what. If i have a TRUE friend then they are blood as far as im concerned.

 

[buffalo-springfield40]

i guess what makes this such a hard thing for me to understand is the fact that i have a handicapped son...when you have a child that cannot care for themselves you tend to have this overwhelming feeling of having to live forever...cause who will care for my child if I die...so it just doesn't make sense to me......but i do understand that it is his call...just so hard to get my brain to work this way..his children are grown..married....maybe it would be more understandable for me..if my children was on their own..

 

[buffalo-springfield40]

I'm not sure I could bring myself to assist someone in this purpose, but I have no problem with a person deciding their own end. However, based on the line "he'll go the way he wants to go", I need to add a caveat: I could only support this as long as the sick person's planned demise involves them and them alone - no fiery car crashes, explosions etc.[/QUO i never asked.. nor will i ever ask how or when..or what he even meant by this statement...but that was the statement that sent the chill down my spine...

 

[O2guy]

Very thought provoking question, I as one who has been through both chemotherapy and radiation treatments have stated on numerous occasions that if it came down to living with a incurable cancer where the mere treatments make life miserable. I would choose death, no treatments.

I have made this clear to friends and family and I would hope they respect my decision to live or die the way I choose.

Also agree with ranger be sure that is what he is wanting and not just a decision that has had no thought behind it, sounds though he has given much thought though.

Good luck and prayers with you and your friend when the time comes.

 

[T-rav]

I would support my friend on their decision, but at the same time try to give them hope that there is still reason to live. Thoughts are with everyone involved be the supportive friend that you have always been!

 

[Colt556]

Having worked in Critical Care for over 20yrs I have seen death many times. Sometimes it's quick and simple, other times it's slow and agonizing. I have always tried to be an advocate for my patient's wishes. It is their life and their decision to make. This last year has shown me the other side of the profession. I had open heart surgery and 5 graft bypass one year ago this month. I've been poked, prodded, cut open and sewn back together and very few of the people I came in contact with really talked with me but rather talked to me. But I digress. I have seen families plead and beg us to save their loved one b/c they didn't want to lose them. I think a lot of the time they were showing their own selfishness instead of tryin to abide by their loved ones wishes. I think the human spirit knows when it's time to go. If your friend has come to the conclusion that he has had enough and wants to go his way I think that's his decision and right. When cancer has metasticized to the bone there is very little that can be done. Sometimes the treatment is worse than the disease. Support your friend and his wishes.

 

[Jack Ryan]

1...but does that right also gives you the right to decide on how you should die?

2...do i support my friend...honor his request..and let him live..and die..the way he wants...

3...or do i try and get him to want to live

1 God gives it to you. The state has no right to take it from you.

2 Yes, if you are a friend and really concerned about him and his well fare rather than your own.

3 No, do not hound him about something you couldn't possibly have a clue what it's like to deal with.

4 Morn the dead. Pray for the living. Live every day like it's your friends last and your own as well. You just may not know every thing you think you do.

 

[Bubba]

well yeah. i dont think he wants to go on a killing spree.

I understand where your coming from about not helping. but if my TRUE friend, needed me then i WOULD be there no matter what or for what. If i have a TRUE friend then they are blood as far as im concerned.

If a friend wants to end his own life due to terminal illness, I'll be there to hold his hand at the end if that's what he wants, but there are very few circumstances where I'd pull the trigger. A TRUE friend wouldn't put me in that position.

As far as what the person in the OP intended by his comment, I have no way of knowing. Some folks go to great lengths to ensure the job is done, however, without thought as to who they may endanger. I stand by my caveat, since one's manner of death is a matter for that person alone and risking others is at least as immoral as forcing life on a suffering person who doesn't wish it.
Jonathan Krantz | Merrillville, Indiana Home Explosion Called Suicide - Chicago News

 

[Jack Ryan]

i guess what makes this such a hard thing for me to understand is the fact that i have a handicapped son...when you have a child that cannot care for themselves you tend to have this overwhelming feeling of having to live forever...cause who will care for my child if I die...so it just doesn't make sense to me......but i do understand that it is his call...just so hard to get my brain to work this way..his children are grown..married....maybe it would be more understandable for me..if my children was on their own..

It doesn't matter. It's not relevant at all to his situation. Either stop looking for excuses to make some one else do what you want them to do and be a friend or just shut up and stand there so he at least thinks you are. If your own situation prevents you from serving in that capacity then get out of the way so some one else can.

He's dieing. He's asking for you to just listen. He's got doctors up to and probably hanging out of his ying yang for advice he doesn't need yours. He needs a friend. If that's too much to ask of you then just don't make it worse with all your well intended "should be's" from some one who doesn't KNOW their time is about up and what is left is going to be a living h311.

 

[Joe Williams]

When Cathy's grandfather was dying, he BEGGED her dad to take him out of the hospital, get into the woods, and take him hunting one last time. Let him die at home, or in the woods he loved. His family refused, convincing him to fight. He was 85, and had no chance of survival. The family simply didn't want to let him go. All they gained was a couple more weeks of excrutiating pain for him, and a sad death in a cold hospital bed.

Your friend is dying. There comes a point where nothing can change that barring a miracle. Allow him what joy, fun, and dignity he can still have, and do him the honor of enjoying his life with him.

I will say prayers for both of you. It's a hard, hard time. Paradoxically, harder for you and his family than him. He's faced his fate, and wishes to meet it head on.

 

[IndyMonkey]

You be a true friend and honor his wishes.

When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she could have 3 good months with the family or maybe 1 crappy year. She died 3 months later. In that 3 months we had some great times.

 

[RachelMarie]

I've taken care of numerous folks with Bone Cancer. It's not a fast way to go, or a painless way to go. He could live for years with this form of cancer, in horrible amounts of pain. Support him. Be there for him. Be his shoulder to cry on. And try to understand. For someone not living with the devil in his body, it may sound unreal. But to be in pain all day every day knowing that when it's his time to go (from the cancer), it isn't going to be an easy way to go.

Most importantly, tell him how you feel about him. How you have and always will enjoy the good times, laughs and smiles. Let him know you support his every decision and you still respect him, no matter what he decides.


And...Pray with him. If he doesn't know the lord, help him to, or find someone who can.

Prayers sent.