Ten Simple Rules for dating my daughter

[Rookie]

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[melensdad]

So do you listen to Cope Reynold's Shooting Bench radio show too?

I download it to my iPod. Played this segment for my wife and daughter and they both loved it.

 

[Mr.Hoppes]

I got two daughters and I have a similar set of rules , with the exception of my daughters are not allowed to date. No boy Friends ever. The may go out but not alone with a boy. The one who comes to my door will have all ready been informed and prepared or won't make it to the door. While I know most of these lists are a joke I in fact am Very serious.

My daughters will marry someone from our church and even though they are only 3 and less than 2 I have all ready started the search for future son in laws.

I know this sounds archaic by todays standards but that is how I am raising my children and that is how people in my Church raise their children so it is easier for them to accept.

 

[indyninja]

what happens when your daughters turn 18 and decide they don't want to marry whoever you hand picked from your church. then what? or are you in some kind of cult?

 

[KDUBCR250]

I have a rule for both my little girls. They may only date boys who drive vans ! Why you ask ? Well I want to be confurtable on the date

 

[Mr.Hoppes]

what happens when your daughters turn 18 and decide they don't want to marry whoever you hand picked from your church. then what? or are you in some kind of cult?

I won't pick the guys as much as steer her toward one of the ones I have in mind.

Cult no , lol. Just old fashioned in some respects.

Remember Eve wasn't chosen , she was given to Adam by God and they were married, NO DATING required.

 

[right winger]

Simple Rules for dating my daughter

I have a rule for both my little girls. They may only date boys who drive vans ! Why you ask ? Well I want to be confurtable on the date

Amen. Me and my Glock want comfort.

 

[melensdad]

My daughters will marry someone from our church and even though they are only 3 and less than 2 I have all ready started the search for future son in laws.

I know this sounds archaic by todays standards but that is how I am raising my children and that is how people in my Church raise their children so it is easier for them to accept.

I certainly hope that my daughter marries someone from my faith too. She has attended religious school from the onset, she will continue through High School in religious schools and may go on to a religious college. Those who are of similar faith, who are of similar values, and who are of similar background have a far greater chance of having a successful and happy marriage, they also have lower incidence of poverty, lower incidence of domestic violence, and a lower rate of divorce.

Some will call it archaic by todays standards. I call it sensible.

 

[Bigum1969]

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

I will save this for my son (who is only 4). This will be great for him to know when he begins dating!

 

[spasmo]

I got two daughters and I have a similar set of rules , with the exception of my daughters are not allowed to date. No boy Friends ever. The may go out but not alone with a boy. The one who comes to my door will have all ready been informed and prepared or won't make it to the door. While I know most of these lists are a joke I in fact am Very serious.

My daughters will marry someone from our church and even though they are only 3 and less than 2 I have all ready started the search for future son in laws.

I know this sounds archaic by todays standards but that is how I am raising my children and that is how people in my Church raise their children so it is easier for them to accept.

I have to ask if you grew up like you are having your children grow up. I'm asking because I grew up Baptist. From the day I was able to be taken out of the house, my mother had me in church. I was there Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. If I didn't go to church then I was not able to do anything that day other than stay home and do nothing. My point now is the boys that were in my church were NOT the boys my parents would have wanted me to date (had they have known them). My parents liked them, but I knew better except for one boy. No no no, nothing happened like that. He would have if he could have. I was raised well enough though to know that I shouldn't go out with them. If my parents had have picked one for me, it most certainly would have turned out bad because they will let you see what they want you to see and not how they really are.

 

[slacker]

Rules for sons

1) go get um' boy!
2) Git R' Done!

 

[Mr.Hoppes]

I have to ask if you grew up like you are having your children grow up. I'm asking because I grew up Baptist. From the day I was able to be taken out of the house, my mother had me in church. I was there Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. If I didn't go to church then I was not able to do anything that day other than stay home and do nothing. My point now is the boys that were in my church were NOT the boys my parents would have wanted me to date (had they have known them). My parents liked them, but I knew better except for one boy. No no no, nothing happened like that. He would have if he could have. I was raised well enough though to know that I shouldn't go out with them. If my parents had have picked one for me, it most certainly would have turned out bad because they will let you see what they want you to see and not how they really are.

Church and God were not a part of my raisiing.

This has moved off topic.

I won't comment further in this thread except to the OP topic.

PM me or start a new thread if you like.

I choose to moderate myself rather than have someone do it for me.

 

[mconley]

I won't pick the guys as much as steer her toward one of the ones I have in mind.

Cult no , lol. Just old fashioned in some respects.

Remember Eve wasn't chosen , she was given to Adam by God and they were married, NO DATING required.

I think I understand where your comming from but you can not keep her from seeing someone she wants to see, or doing things she wants to do. Sooner or latter she will decide that Dad WILL NOT RUN MY LIFE. I would caution how tight of a grasp you decide you want to have on her life, remeber when trying to hold sand in your hand you can hold more sand with a loose grip than a tight fist... but hey your kid. I know I am a P.K.

 

[spasmo]

My daughter and I were at the assisted living facility visiting my mother. She has Alzheimer's. The ladies were there talking to my 9 year old daughter about when she has babies. I told them her grandma won't be around when she has babies cause she's not dating until she's 40. She's only 9 and you should have seen the look of disgust on her face. Sigh... not looking forward to your rules cause I just want to skip those years.