So, when do you think your time is up?

[ditcherman]

I agree it isn’t exactly depressing. That word is kind of overused and doesn’t really capture what the thread is - sure, it’s not the most upbeat, but it is a fact of life, your glass gets pushed off the table at some point and it is no more, as we know it. I’m thankful for the hope that passes all understanding, and that we don’t have to depend only on things as we know them now. There’s a bigger picture.

@Karl-just-Karl i too thought your first post was troubling but you cleared up that first impression and I get where your coming from.

It’s all part of reality, whether you want to talk about it or not. In my experiences people that were willing to talk about it faced less consequences (or their heirs) than if they’d pushed it away.

 

[ditcherman]

And I will add if the above was TL/DR or even if you did read it; It is the acceptance of the stark bleakness that allows me the room and provides for me the motivation to appreciate the time I have left, the life and the experiences I've had.

Blessings upon you all!

Not to sound too 1984ish, but acceptance is freedom.

There are ways around the dark picture you painted, if one is willing to plan.

I think this thread is therapy in some ways.

 

[BE Mike]

I'm only 49. The spiral hasn't caught me yet. I am glad to hear, in a way, the frankness of my acceptance comes through my posts.

There WILL be an ultimate end to it, someday. I am not hurrying it along, just aware that it is looming in the distance, forever looming, and each day draws it closer. Little by little and I am painfully aware of it. I appreciate those sunrises, those little moments, those things that my elders have always warned me to not take for granted. I would like for others to slow down and appreciate those things as well.
With so many people caught up in frantic and frenetic lifestyles chasing material things...to what end? To store them in their garage so they have to park outside? I see all around me people raising families, shuttling kids to sports-team practices and games, gymnastics, after-school activities in perpetuity, yet at the same time we have witnessed the destruction of the nuclear family. We insist that family is important to us (as a society) but it would seem more-so are screens and streaming services. I believe that what we actually value is the idealized imaginings of a family that very few ever achieve. That is truly sad.

From The Green Mile; Ever see John Kauffee (Sp? I don't believe they ever actually say how it is spelled, like the drink, only spelled different) speech about the pain and suffering in the world? That touches me every time I watch it. It nearly brings me to tears.

I can, albeit I am trying not to, go on at great length about all the things I see other people take for granted and neglect that I will never have.

This next part might be hard and will be too much for some people. Don't say you weren't warned.

I will not lie, I do wish that when my time comes it does end quickly. Who did not say the same with their desires for a quick night-time passing? My take is far more frightening based upon my experience with reality.

Forth-right, in your face honesty; I will most likely die alone, surrounded by strangers at a nursing/managed care facility after having been removed from my home "for my own safety" or because I can no longer care for myself. All of my assets will be seized by the State for my care and I will be confined to facility where I have no rights, no freedom, no say in my care, no possessions outside of a few small "tokens" of remembrances that I am allowed to keep on a small shelf on a wall. Believe it or not, the nursing home might even dictate a set quantity (i.e. no more than six items).

Then, whatever few things I might have been able to cling on to are subject to thievery. Some intentional by the staff and others unintentional by those with dementia actually believing you are in their room or you have taken something that belongs to them. There are no doors, there is no security, there is no privacy. Wards of the state cannot have a private room.

After losing mobility, I will be placed in a wheelchair and pushed out into the hall while my room is being cleaned. My only solace might be to contemplate the stains on the wallpaper while I wait.

I will be reduced to a metric. I will be nothing more than a source of income for a commercially ran facility that, under the power of the state, is allowed to keep me alive by whatever means necessary for as long as possible. I have to question, will it be for my good or for the the good, the bottom line and profitability of a business?

If I had any loved ones or relatives that cared, they might be allowed to take me out for an afternoon, but there are restrictions on that as well.

Stark, bleak, depressing? Oh yeah. If you don't think this could or will be you then you are just deceiving yourself. Do you live in a multi-generational house? Not many do. Are you planning on your children to take care of you, bathe you, change your diapers in your final days? Are you wealthy enough to afford private nursing care? Not many are. Do you have end-of-life healthcare insurance to afford a better facility? You might want to look into that.

Maybe you are hoping that someone, anyone will foot the bill to avoid this experience. Well, news for you, the State will, but it only affords you the exact experience I described. Your gross assets will determine what facility will "take" you (triple meaning intentional). Eventually, the vast majority become a ward of the State.

A terminal diagnosis with acceptance into hospice is a wonderful alternative to what I just described, would you not agree?

This is truth, this is reality.

My father had enough saved to pay for his end of life care. He was treated like everyone else in the facility. When it comes to the point when you cannot make rational decisions, yes someone has to make those for you. When you cannot do your "business" normally in the bathroom, people have to clean up after you, like an un-housebroken puppy. That being said, your description of the State's lack of care is a good argument against socialism. I'm by no means a Pollyanna, but I can't see how dwelling on bad things of the past or worrying about what bad things the future might bring is healthy and contributes to living the best life possible. If one doesn't have friends or family, the guilt lies with that individual. If one doesn't partake in activities, there is no one to blame. I've seen a lot in my lifetime. Nothing said on the internet "shocks" me. Sometimes I try to be helpful, but if one rejects my suggestions, then so be it. It isn't my place to push myself upon someone else or enter into a "fencing match of words". Keep on keepin' on.

 

[femurphy77]

Here, hold my beer. HEY YA'LL, WATCH THIS. . . . . .

 

[churchmouse]

I'm only 49. The spiral hasn't caught me yet. I am glad to hear, in a way, the frankness of my acceptance comes through my posts.

There WILL be an ultimate end to it, someday. I am not hurrying it along, just aware that it is looming in the distance, forever looming, and each day draws it closer. Little by little and I am painfully aware of it. I appreciate those sunrises, those little moments, those things that my elders have always warned me to not take for granted. I would like for others to slow down and appreciate those things as well.
With so many people caught up in frantic and frenetic lifestyles chasing material things...to what end? To store them in their garage so they have to park outside? I see all around me people raising families, shuttling kids to sports-team practices and games, gymnastics, after-school activities in perpetuity, yet at the same time we have witnessed the destruction of the nuclear family. We insist that family is important to us (as a society) but it would seem more-so are screens and streaming services. I believe that what we actually value is the idealized imaginings of a family that very few ever achieve. That is truly sad.

From The Green Mile; Ever see John Kauffee (Sp? I don't believe they ever actually say how it is spelled, like the drink, only spelled different) speech about the pain and suffering in the world? That touches me every time I watch it. It nearly brings me to tears.

I can, albeit I am trying not to, go on at great length about all the things I see other people take for granted and neglect that I will never have.

This next part might be hard and will be too much for some people. Don't say you weren't warned.

I will not lie, I do wish that when my time comes it does end quickly. Who did not say the same with their desires for a quick night-time passing? My take is far more frightening based upon my experience with reality.

Forth-right, in your face honesty; I will most likely die alone, surrounded by strangers at a nursing/managed care facility after having been removed from my home "for my own safety" or because I can no longer care for myself. All of my assets will be seized by the State for my care and I will be confined to facility where I have no rights, no freedom, no say in my care, no possessions outside of a few small "tokens" of remembrances that I am allowed to keep on a small shelf on a wall. Believe it or not, the nursing home might even dictate a set quantity (i.e. no more than six items).

Then, whatever few things I might have been able to cling on to are subject to thievery. Some intentional by the staff and others unintentional by those with dementia actually believing you are in their room or you have taken something that belongs to them. There are no doors, there is no security, there is no privacy. Wards of the state cannot have a private room.

After losing mobility, I will be placed in a wheelchair and pushed out into the hall while my room is being cleaned. My only solace might be to contemplate the stains on the wallpaper while I wait.

I will be reduced to a metric. I will be nothing more than a source of income for a commercially ran facility that, under the power of the state, is allowed to keep me alive by whatever means necessary for as long as possible. I have to question, will it be for my good or for the the good, the bottom line and profitability of a business?

If I had any loved ones or relatives that cared, they might be allowed to take me out for an afternoon, but there are restrictions on that as well.

Stark, bleak, depressing? Oh yeah. If you don't think this could or will be you then you are just deceiving yourself. Do you live in a multi-generational house? Not many do. Are you planning on your children to take care of you, bathe you, change your diapers in your final days? Are you wealthy enough to afford private nursing care? Not many are. Do you have end-of-life healthcare insurance to afford a better facility? You might want to look into that.

Maybe you are hoping that someone, anyone will foot the bill to avoid this experience. Well, news for you, the State will, but it only affords you the exact experience I described. Your gross assets will determine what facility will "take" you (triple meaning intentional). Eventually, the vast majority become a ward of the State.

A terminal diagnosis with acceptance into hospice is a wonderful alternative to what I just described, would you not agree?

This is truth, this is reality.

In my time in the trades I spent a lot of time around the facilities you describe. Taking care of the kitchen refrigeration and the room hvac units.
I can’t say you are not right in your assessment. Sadly.

My wife and daughter (and myself) have been planning for all of this. My plans have been made and paid for. I have used my time to be sure everything is ready so CKW/daughter and the terrorists don’t have any issues with the compound. Both houses are standing tall.

As to hospice I was told in no uncertain words I will be here under their care all the way until the wave I am riding hits the beach. This is how they want it. I have no say in it. Trust me. Even the terrorists are on board. Again I am blessed.

Karl, you and others will be in our prayers. I can not begin to imagine.
Blessings to you all.

 

[KG1]

I'm only 49. The spiral hasn't caught me yet. I am glad to hear, in a way, the frankness of my acceptance comes through my posts.

There WILL be an ultimate end to it, someday. I am not hurrying it along, just aware that it is looming in the distance, forever looming, and each day draws it closer. Little by little and I am painfully aware of it. I appreciate those sunrises, those little moments, those things that my elders have always warned me to not take for granted. I would like for others to slow down and appreciate those things as well.
With so many people caught up in frantic and frenetic lifestyles chasing material things...to what end? To store them in their garage so they have to park outside? I see all around me people raising families, shuttling kids to sports-team practices and games, gymnastics, after-school activities in perpetuity, yet at the same time we have witnessed the destruction of the nuclear family. We insist that family is important to us (as a society) but it would seem more-so are screens and streaming services. I believe that what we actually value is the idealized imaginings of a family that very few ever achieve. That is truly sad.

From The Green Mile; Ever see John Kauffee (Sp? I don't believe they ever actually say how it is spelled, like the drink, only spelled different) speech about the pain and suffering in the world? That touches me every time I watch it. It nearly brings me to tears.

I can, albeit I am trying not to, go on at great length about all the things I see other people take for granted and neglect that I will never have.

This next part might be hard and will be too much for some people. Don't say you weren't warned.

I will not lie, I do wish that when my time comes it does end quickly. Who did not say the same with their desires for a quick night-time passing? My take is far more frightening based upon my experience with reality.

Forth-right, in your face honesty; I will most likely die alone, surrounded by strangers at a nursing/managed care facility after having been removed from my home "for my own safety" or because I can no longer care for myself. All of my assets will be seized by the State for my care and I will be confined to facility where I have no rights, no freedom, no say in my care, no possessions outside of a few small "tokens" of remembrances that I am allowed to keep on a small shelf on a wall. Believe it or not, the nursing home might even dictate a set quantity (i.e. no more than six items).

Then, whatever few things I might have been able to cling on to are subject to thievery. Some intentional by the staff and others unintentional by those with dementia actually believing you are in their room or you have taken something that belongs to them. There are no doors, there is no security, there is no privacy. Wards of the state cannot have a private room.

After losing mobility, I will be placed in a wheelchair and pushed out into the hall while my room is being cleaned. My only solace might be to contemplate the stains on the wallpaper while I wait.

I will be reduced to a metric. I will be nothing more than a source of income for a commercially ran facility that, under the power of the state, is allowed to keep me alive by whatever means necessary for as long as possible. I have to question, will it be for my good or for the the good, the bottom line and profitability of a business?

If I had any loved ones or relatives that cared, they might be allowed to take me out for an afternoon, but there are restrictions on that as well.

Stark, bleak, depressing? Oh yeah. If you don't think this could or will be you then you are just deceiving yourself. Do you live in a multi-generational house? Not many do. Are you planning on your children to take care of you, bathe you, change your diapers in your final days? Are you wealthy enough to afford private nursing care? Not many are. Do you have end-of-life healthcare insurance to afford a better facility? You might want to look into that.

Maybe you are hoping that someone, anyone will foot the bill to avoid this experience. Well, news for you, the State will, but it only affords you the exact experience I described. Your gross assets will determine what facility will "take" you (triple meaning intentional). Eventually, the vast majority become a ward of the State.

A terminal diagnosis with acceptance into hospice is a wonderful alternative to what I just described, would you not agree?

This is truth, this is reality.

In a way I can see the point that you are trying to convey and that is one of a stark reminder to live every day of your life with a purpose and not get caught up in superficial materialistic things while you still have some control. The time will come when you no longer have it. Some will go quickly and peacefully. Others may not.

We can only pray for the former and to prepare ourselves for the latter.

 

[Karl-just-Karl]

I'm by no means a Pollyanna, but I can't see how dwelling on bad things of the past or worrying about what bad things the future might bring is healthy and contributes to living the best life possible.

No fencing match intended. I think we have different experiences and our words fail to convey the real intent of our minds. At least mine do.

I would like to help you in understanding how negative experiences can really help contribute to living a good life. Not trying to start a contest either, There is gospel tune that I really like (I can't link things from my posting location). Feel free to look it up.

Dorothy Norwood
There' Got to be Rain in Your Life:
You know it's said that into each life, some rain must fall
But behind every dark cloud, the sun will shine.
I want to take a little time out to explain to you what I mean.
You see, you don't know how good it is to get over, If you've never been under.
You don't know how it feels to be up, If you've never been down.
You don't know how good it is to have peace of mind, If you've never had to worry.
You see you just don't realize what it is to be happy, If you've never been sad.
Let me tell you why
It's got to be rain in your life
To appreciate the sunshine
It's got to be rain in your life
To appreciate the sunshine
When trouble comes, That's rain
When you're sad, Rain
When the tears are falling down, That's rain
When death come calling, It ain't nothing but rain
You don't know what it is to wear a smile
(If you've never wore a frown)
You don't know what it is to be free, ya'll
(If you've never been bound)



I do not dwell on the past. It is a part of me, but I fully understand how you see me as "dwelling". I cannot separate myself from my experiences.

Funny you mention it this way, recently I accused someone else of the very same thing. But I will try to claim my uniqueness by saying her and I don't use it the same way. But then I would be me just BS'ing myself.

Neither do I worry about future events. They will be what they will be, but trends spell out undeniable, horrible things. Experiences have shown me a distinct possibility but I know that it is not the ONLY possibility.

I guess we probably differ in how we look at things and utilize life's experiences and I'm good with that as well.

FWIW, as if I need to qualify it, my nursing home experience is based upon two grandmothers (one with Alzheimer's) both of my parents, a good friend of mine with his father and Alzheimer's, currently his mother and my niece who has worked in the industry for the last 14 years.

The main intent of my participation in this thread was to exchange thoughts about the inevitable with other people, or perhaps persuade someone to appreciate their unique experiences, or at the very least start preparing before it is too late.

 

[BugI02]

God has a sense of humor. I have been taking care of my 93 year old mother. She is confined to a wheelchair, had to be moved to a continuous care facility and about all she can do is feed herself. Arthritis and not much feeling in her fingers, very little use of legs, one are can be moved with the help of the other, yet she has a strong heart and a crazy will to live.

Oh, and she beat Covid-19 and pneumonia in January and is happy as heck.

I have no idea why The Lord allows this, but you have to believe there is a reason to continue. So hang in there KokomoDave, one day we might understand.

In situations like this, or of the opposite nature where someone ends their life by their own hand, I think the Lord's purpose is for them to affect or influence others around them

I have seen cases where the suffering endured by one person, and how that person overcame it, later gave others the strength to endure their own personal tragedies or the ability to meaningfully comfort another going through the same trials

 

[Leadeye]

There's a line in a movie that says, "A man's got to know his limitations". Someday I'll know mine, but today is not that day.

 

[BugI02]

Statistically, sometime in my late 80s

Realistically, I could be riding my bike tomorrow and encounter an inattentive driver who kills me

None of us knows how much time we have, act accordingly

 

[Pepi]

My arthritis is getting worse in my hands. I endured many surgeries on my spine, shoulder, stomach, and I've got carpal tunnel. How long is the Lord going to let me fall apart until I see His Son? No man will know the hour of when he is recalled to see if you shall be redeemed into heaven or burn forever in the lake of fire. So what say INGO, when will you expire??

I feel like soon. Spondylolisthesis of L4 and L5. Messed up rotator cuff. Now, Medicare is jerking me around saying I have to do 12 weeks of therapy on my shoulder and 12 weeks on my lower back. I'm in so much pain I can't hardly handle it

 

[spencer rifle]

This thread helps me appreciate how blessed I am. No major health issues, volleyball several times a week, still able to cycle, community band, SWMBO who drags me out into social events, a good job, no debts, successful children. Can't imagine what I did to deserve this. Every day I'm thankful for hot showers, chocolate, a warm bed, cars that function, so much food, useful work, no zombie hordes. Could all change in an instant. But I live now, not then. And thankfully.

 

[KokomoDave]

I feel like soon. Spondylolisthesis of L4 and L5. Messed up rotator cuff. Now, Medicare is jerking me around saying I have to do 12 weeks of therapy on my shoulder and 12 weeks on my lower back. I'm in so much pain I can't hardly handle it

You'll get thru it. Just don't get dependent of pain management meds because you don't know when you've screwed yourself up worse. I finally had my neurosurgeon tell Anthem that PT prior to surgery is detrimental to my well being. This isn't some boo-boo that is going away any time soon. I'm fused L1 thru S1 and now the appliances have weakened and must be replaced. What happens is they will do a revision surgery on the old and replace with some shiny new titanium! 18 spine surgeries so far. I wonder how many I get in my lifetime? I know...all of them! Ha!!
I had to have my right shoulder totally replaced with titanium and PEEK after 3 prior failed surgeries. Anthem made me jump thru the hoops before paying for a total replacement. It's a crock of poo but I have tenacity on my side. It's that resiliency to suffering and failure that builds you as a person. The front of your brain where wisdom comes from gets more data. Build on it and you can have some stories to tell and the scars to show it as truth. Grace is given by belief. I feel blessed to have the air in my lungs, my family and most of all my Lord and Savior.

 

[Pepi]

You'll get thru it. Just don't get dependent of pain management meds because you don't know when you've screwed yourself up worse. I finally had my neurosurgeon tell Anthem that PT prior to surgery is detrimental to my well being. This isn't some boo-boo that is going away any time soon. I'm fused L1 thru S1 and now the appliances have weakened and must be replaced. What happens is they will do a revision surgery on the old and replace with some shiny new titanium! 18 spine surgeries so far. I wonder how many I get in my lifetime? I know...all of them! Ha!!
I had to have my right shoulder totally replaced with titanium and PEEK after 3 prior failed surgeries. Anthem made me jump thru the hoops before paying for a total replacement. It's a crock of poo but I have tenacity on my side. It's that resiliency to suffering and failure that builds you as a person. The front of your brain where wisdom comes from gets more data. Build on it and you can have some stories to tell and the scars to show it as truth. Grace is given by belief. I feel blessed to have the air in my lungs, my family and most of all my Lord and Savior.

Don't take any pain meds and I won't. I take Mobic daily and that is it. I'm about ready to tell the doctor I'm pissing myself and then maybe I can get this done. I had neck surgery in 2009 and did great with it. Still no problems from that surgery. You can see from my X-ray my L5 has shifted back and is cutting off my spinal nerves

 

[hoosierdaddy1976]

Don't take any pain meds and I won't. I take Mobic daily and that is it. I'm about ready to tell the doctor I'm pissing myself and then maybe I can get this done. I had neck surgery in 2009 and did great with it. Still no problems from that surgery. You can see from my X-ray my L5 has shifted back and is cutting off my spinal nerves

I had that in 2001, with L3-5. Jumped through hoops for a while until I went to the ER on a Friday evening and had surgery Saturday morning. It was successful in relieving the pain but I had to learn to walk with a walker and an AFO on each leg. Got to the point that I can walk unassisted but my days of running and getting on my tiptoes were over. Not a fun thing to deal with at age 25 but whatcha gonna do?

I hope you find some relief for your pain. My 30 day supply of hydrocodone were gone in a week without helping much if at all, and the level of hurt left me thinking some dark thoughts.

ETA- this looks worse in print than it really is. Other than the physical limitations, life is good. Closing in on 22 years of marriage, 5 kids to keep me busy, and just about done with my 20th year of working in the same field. As I stated earlier, as long as I outlive my parents and my kids outlive me, I'll have no real complaints

 

[Pepi]

25 is very young to deal with that !!! I'm almost 70. 3 years ago I climbed up Angels Landing in Utah. I'm just having a down spell. It will get better.

 

[BigRed]

"Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me....That is the way all men should live, and then all would be equally brave.”

- Thomas J. Jackson

 

[KokomoDave]

You only take Mobic? Wow! I take 6 meds but some are for my PTSD. I take no opiates. I left the hospital after only 1 overnight in the hospital in Dec '21 when GCB&S did a revision on C3 - C5 and added up to T1. No opiates after surgery just my normal meds but cyclobenzaprine was added to my schedule. I think I'm doing well for me. I still ride wheelies on my KTM. I still bounce my grandkids on my leg. I still like shooting except the punishing calibers never leave my safe. I am at a crossroads being 58 deciding whether I should accept disability or just retire? I've been a millwright for 32 years. I take a hit if I retire meow. Maybe I can sell real estate?

 

[nonobaddog]

I recently had to face my own mortality when I was diagnosed with stage IIIB lung cancer in January. However I just finished chemotherapy and proton radiation therapy and I am starting to feel better as the side effects from those fade away. I am 73 and have most of my affairs in order with a current will, power of attorney for medical and financial stuff to my son, beneficiaries current, trusts organized, TODD deeds on my house and cabin with my son. No harm in being prepared, however I intend to hang around as long as I am active and still enjoy nature, shooting and fishing.

 

[Wstar425]

All I know is that when I die and get reincarnated, I’m coming back as Shania Twain’s blue jeans…..