is it a good or bad idea to let a 14 year old visit her mom in jail?

[ruger1800]

Why wouldn't you want your child to see the person you created her with.

 

[5000]

I do not see the need for counseling. That seems to be making this even worse as my daughter seems to be acting pretty fine by accepting her mom is in jail.


any hesitation I have is simply the environment. Main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and other inmates and even guards that could be intimidating . Is that ok for a 14 year old to see? Seeing People behind bars basically?

 

[CTS]

I'll reiterate that none of us out here on the internet can really offer an informed opinion, but speaking very generally I would opt to visit. I once had to go 4 months without seeing my family and I was just in Los Angeles. It was torturous, never want to do it again in a million years, but I got offered a lot of money at a time we really really needed it. Even with Skype/phone calls/etc... I know it took a toll on my kids. She's in prison, she's not dead.

 

[mdmayo]

I'm in the see her at every opportunity camp.

My daughter's mother spent a lot of time as an inpatient in both hospitals and sub-acute treatment facilities from the time the Kiddo was age 4 until present (now 18). We visited every time it was allowed. "Our actions have natural consequences" is a component of the mantra by which we raised our daughter. She has turned out to be an amazing young woman that any parent would feel blessed to have as a child. Counseling isn't a bad suggestion either, for You as well as Your daughter: some natural consequences take a huge toll as collateral damage to the family unit.

Stick with it OP. Courage my friend, courage. Time heals all wounds.

Edit: The rationale for counseling (not saying long term) is that there are often suppressed/repressed feelings of shame and guilt that both You and Your daughter need to hit head on rather than 5-10 years down the road.

 

[w_ADAM_d88]

I'm sure she sees worse on TV, heck probably even at school. Take her to see her mother.

 

[Fargo]

What Kirk said.

 

[1911ly]

I do not see the need for counseling. That seems to be making this even worse as my daughter seems to be acting pretty fine by accepting her mom is in jail.


any hesitation I have is simply the environment. Main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and other inmates and even guards that could be intimidating . Is that ok for a 14 year old to see? Seeing People behind bars basically?

I would be up front with your child. Tell her what to expect. And what she will see. She needs to know mom is being punished for a wrong doing. Not just think that the state is being mean to her. But I am going to guess she already has a good ideal of what is going on. And probably knows why your wife is there. Your child can learn from this experience. Things like not to do things the will put her in your wife's position. And that prison is not a good place to go. And she will learn your wife is taking responsibility for her actions. And she's doing the right thing by excepting her punishment.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck. Sounds like a rocky road ahead. Be blessed.

 

[Fargo]

Also keep in mind that the inside of the jail is actually probably much more pleasant than what your child imagines it to be. I am strongly in favor of family visiting people who are incarcerated, even if they are incarcerated in very unpleasant places. County Jail is unlikely to be super unpleasant place compared to what a child's mind imagines it to be.

 

[bwframe]

Paragraphs. Use them.


That is all.

This.

It's hard to read that word pile and one shouldn't be expected to.

 

[MrsGungho]

My brother was in prison for 10 years. I took my daughters to see him every other week. They didn't come out traumatized. If anything it helped them to see that there are consequences for your actions.

Your daughter and your wife need to see each other. This is a very delicate time in your daughters life. I am on the side that says take her as often as you can.

 

[Fargo]

My brother was in prison for 10 years. I took my daughters to see him every other week. They didn't come out traumatized. If anything it helped them to see that there are consequences for your actions.

Your daughter and your wife need to see each other. This is a very delicate time in your daughters life. I am on the side that says take her as often as you can.

This. Keep in mind that how you treat your wife during this time will color your daughters perception of her for many years to come.

 

[Lucas156]

I would say your wife is still a human and still fills the role of mother and wife-therefore she still needs to be loved, shown respect etc. Right now she probably needs for someone to be there for her more than she has at any other time.

 

[Bfish]

I'm sure she sees worse on TV, heck probably even at school. Take her to see her mother.

He's got a point.

 

[5000]

Also, the main thing my daughter knows about jail is on Tv and one time when she was in 7th grade she mentioned how a police officer talked about police officer work and jails as well

 

[Gluemanz28]

I suggest that you take her to see her mom. Use this time to help your daughter with her baking skills. After the visit, Mom will be out in no time.

 

[bwframe]

I suggest that you take her to see her mom. Use this time to help your daughter with her baking skills. After the visit, Mom will be out in no time.

Yeah OK, your figgen terrible. Real funny though.

 

[IndyDave1776]

OK, it has been a long time since I worked in a prison, but here are my observations:

1. There is nothing harmful available for you daughter to get traumatized with or corrupted by.

2. Your wife's less than desirable relationship with the state does not really change her relationship with your daughter.

3. Separation is likely to do harm to both of them which is completely avoidable.

4. Not only will it reinforce the idea of negative consequences on your daughter, but it will also serve as an example of her value when she is one of the few bright spots in her mother's life and knows that her visit is one of a very few reasons her mother has to smile, ever.

5. Before you get too tempted to turn this decision over to a head shrinker, let me point out two things: First, many young lives were completely screwed up by people following the teaching of one Benjamin Spock. Second, when I was in school, the daughter of the guy in charge of the local Katherine Hamilton facility was nuttier than a cashew factory.

 

[5000]

Also daughter will no doubt want to ask her mom what it is like. I am wondering if I should quickly steer the conversation into something else

 

[IndyDave1776]

Also daughter will no doubt want to ask her mom what it is like. I am wondering if I should quickly steer the conversation into something else

I would say that you should let it run its course. If nothing else, your wife will deflect to the extent necessary.

 

[Tyler-The-Piker]

A lot of good advice in here...with the majority saying the same things. Im reminded of one of my all time favorite movie quotes which the simplistic beauty of it has stuck with me over the years. .."One of the best things you could ever do for your children is to show them how much you love their mother."