INGO: Joke of the day page

[Hoosierdood]

Hey now, just like pineapple on pizza, some of us do appreciate a longer joke now and then.

And both would be wrong

 

[hooky]

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

 

[Bigtanker]

 

[actaeon277]

I think MCGrease is just missing the longer jokes. BT hasn't been putting in enough effort lately, we need another 10-pager.

You know...........

I haven't done that in a while....

For which we are all grateful. Don't mess it up.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Bigtanker]

 

[Bigtanker]

 

[JCSR]

I stayed in a really nice hotel last night. Right on the inside of the door it said. "Not responsible for theft". I thought about it a minute and now have this cool lamp with the electrical outlets on the base. I always wanted one of those.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[JCSR]

This falls right in line.......... Blood on carpet

 

[JCSR]

Neighbor: I've been stocking up on can goods and necessities all summer. What are you doing to prepare?

Me: Bought guns and ammo and night vision.

Neighbor: Dude you really need to stock pile food! What are you going to do when the stores run out?

Me: Oh I'll just take yours.

 

[Hardscrable]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Dentoro]

You know pirates don’t bathe before they walk the plank???

They just wash up on the beach.

How do you know when a joke become a dad joke?

It becomes apparent.

 

[MCgrease08]

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?

Gourd-geous

 

[spencer rifle]

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?

Gourd-geous

DENNY ALERT:
It's more of a squash than a gourd.
So maybe squash-sational?

 

[Ingomike]

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley... YOU RIDE IT!!"....

 

[Ingomike]

After 10 years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs. She told her husband what she found out, the husband replied, "You don't remember do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him, so I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there."

 

[Mgderf]

Joe Biden

Didn't say it had to be funny...

 

[actaeon277]