Spousal support (or not) of concealed carry

[norman428]

I'm not trying to railroad things here but what exactly are you out doing that puts you into "sticky situations" or that might have gotten your "unarmed *** kicked"? you know the old saying: if you go looking for trouble, your bound to find it.

For the record, I don't look for trouble, It finds me.
Not to thread jack, but example.
I was at the light in Noblesville between walmart and miejer, heading to miejer. Some jacka** pulls up next to me, and decides hes going to beat me to the roundabout and cut me off. He kept looking at me and just reving his engine. Well his little civic ricer had no chance against my vic so.... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Light goes green, and instead of blowing his doors off, I just keep pace, and force him to hold the straight lane or get behind me, He goes straight. As im walking into miejer, His car comes flying into the spot I just walked past, He gets out, and Says something along the lines of "Thats a stupid POS Vic blah bla blah" as hes walking after me. I dont remember exact wording anyway. The RIGHT thing to do is to ignore him and keep walking. I choose to stop, Turn around, Wait till he got in my face and say, "It may not be fast but its faster than your moms civic"
Thankfully He realized I was about 6' 175, and not afraid, his 5'5 butt went from the "Ima kick your A**" attitude, to the "Hey I dont want any problems" attitude. He got in his car and left.
He did in fact have some sort of knife on his belt, In a case, and it could have taken a completely different direction.
Ok back to the topic at hand.

 

[PhilB]

My wife doesn't say much of anything about my carrying a gun. Last year I got my LTCH so I could carry a handgun when I was metal detecting in remote fields. When I started carrying the gun all the time she ask me why I wanted to carry. I told her at 58 I was too old and out of shape to run from trouble. Then I asked her if she objected to me carrying a tool box in our vehicles. Of course she said no, you need them if the car breaks down. I asked her how many times our cars had broken down and she said none but it could happen and I'd need the tools then. I told her we'd never been mugged either but it could happen and then I'd need a gun really bad. Now when we go somewhere she just asks me if I'm packing and smiles.

 

[buckstopshere]

My wife doesn't carry. She's still waffling on whether or not she wants to start. She's a great shot and knows how to handle a firearm safely.

She fully supports my carrying concealed or open and prefers that I do. We were going to the children's museum late last year. Y'all know that side of town is shady. She asked before we left if I was going to carry and I said I hadn't decided yet. She looked at me and said, hey, concealed means concealed. Love that woman!

 

[spec4]

Let me take a different direction; you have seven years invested in her. How in sync with you is she in other issues such as sex, money, politics? Is this a point to decide if you are in for the long run with her? I occasionally get a spousal comment like "why do you always have that"? I give her the tired but true response "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it". Once we had an incident where we thought our house was cased and we would be dealing with a home invasion. She decided she wanted my PX 4 in her night stand. Overall, my wife mostly squawks about me buying guns "don't you have enough already?" I give her the response: "I have more than I need, but not as many as I want". She comes from a family of liberals, so she has done very well overall IMO.

 

[hoosierdaddy1976]

none of them are quite applicable to me (yet), but hopefully in the not to distant future, i'll get to answer that she supports me carrying or better. she was completely supportive of me applying for my ltch (hope to get completed soon). and as long as it doesn't cut us too short, she would not mind me purchasing a handgun.

having said that, i don't know how much carrying i would get in. i am a teacher, so to/at/from work is out of the question. i don't get out too often, and if so, it's usually to another small town with virtually zero violent crime, or across the state line to illinois. it would take me quite some time and almost intentionally finding places to carry and get comfortable with it.

 

[88GT]

My spouse and I both carry. I'd have to divorce him if he didn't. I did not forget the purple.

Two thoughts come to mind. First, I'm a fairly traditional woman when it comes to familial roles based on gender. As the man of the house you have a large responsibility for the safety and security of your family. You must do what you feel is best, even if that means stepping on your wife's toes a bit to do it. That said, I have been bullied and steam-rolled by my husband for far lesser reasons, and I have yet to forget it. My point is this: it is not what you do, but how you do it. My suggestion: "Honey, I know this bothers you. I know you aren't comfortable with it. But it is my responsibility to keep you safe and this is how I feel I am best able to do it. I hope eventually you will come to understand why I'm doing this, perhaps even appreciate it. But until then, please understand that this is what I'm going to do, whether you approve or not." Or something like that.

She'll still bristle, and if she's even remotely opposed to a patriarchal family model, you'll likely get a LOT of crap for it. So make your choice accordingly. But is a mad wife better than a dead wife? (Some of you guys probably ought not to answer that. )

My second thought goes a little deeper. I forget who it was that already mentioned this, but it was something I think you need to consider. On the assumption that there are no children, perhaps it would be wise to take stock of exactly what your relationship is like. Some battles have to be lost in order to win the war. Only you can know that for sure, but how the two of you weather this battle is a big indicator of how future battles will go. Battles of far more import perhaps, involving children, money, jobs. Just a thought. I tend to feel in the minority when it comes to my views on marriage and the woman's role in it, so sometimes I think I tend to pigeon-hole other women unfairly. My apologies if that bias is coming through and unfairly applied.

Don't hesitate to do what you think is right for your family though.

 

[japartridge]

Uh oh....but you don't have a shotgun yet!

Now that's just downright mean! funny as all h**l, and true, but just plain mean.... err wait, no shotgun, what, we can't have that, Bapak2ja you get out there and buy yourself a Saiga 12 and then convert it!

 

[E5RANGER375]

my unmarried friend once told me

its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission

 

[Roadie]

my vote was
My Spouse (significant other) does not carry but supports the fact that I do

but it is selective.. sometimes its why are you bringing that and others its did you bring your gun????

This, exactly. lol
My wife hates guns, but is coming around, slowly. There are certainly times when she says "You ARE carrying, right?" like when we go downtown...

It just takes time...

 

[public servant]

My wife rarely carries her gun. She still believes there is good in the world. Generally only when we're going somewhere out of the norm...like vacations and such.

She will however throw a couple of extra mags in her purse for me.

 

[philo]

My wife bought me my current edc a few years ago for my birthday - I guess that would make her supportive. I have taken her to the range to familiarize her with all our guns, and she tried them all, but that's the extent of her gun experience. It's just not for her. I have offered to get her her own , even pink if that's what it takes, but she's not interested.

I haven't made a point of telling her I carry every time I leave the house, but I do. We've been in a few stressfull situations, and she has asked if I was carrying - "yep". At this point, carrying is second nature for me, and she doesn't even think about it. I even take it in checked luggage on vacation - she's fine with that.

So, that's our story... Advice for you would be threefold:
1st - read your local newspaper and discuss the stories. You don't want her afraid to leave the house, but she should know that we don't live in "the merry old land of Oz". Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and she needs to realize the ability to protect yourself and her will lessen that likelyhood.
2nd - There's a video of the woman from Texas that survived the shooting at Luby's cafeteria that was posted on INGO recently https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/the_2nd_amendment/134885-lady_in_texas_a_must_see.html It's her testimony before congress and she recounts the story. She went on to be elected to TX state congress, and was influential in writing the current version of TX carry law.
3rd - There's a website she should look into called "cornered cat" Cornered Cat that covers defensive issue specifically for women. It might help her get some perspective.

Good Luck

 

[nsheepdog]

Well, I'm keepin' my man card! Neither myself, nor my wife were interested at all in guns when we first met. Now, I love guns and love the 2nd Amendment. I'll be carrying anyway. She is the type that just doesn't want to talk about guns. She'd prefer I drop the subject, but I'm proceeding to carry because I don't think it will ultimately result in divorce.

Good suggestions, philo. I'm checking those links. Reading the stories in the paper/news is a great suggestion.

Great comment about the tools and car breaking down scenario.

We're pretty in tune with money, sex, and politics for the most part. We both were liberal when we first met. I became conservative and she came along and adapted her views. It's just the gun thing that she's stuck on. She'd prefer not to think about the bad situations that could happen. I'm sure we're in it for the long-haul, but I'm going to carry and she'll likely just put it out of her mind and not want to know if I'm carrying and she may be mad about it and want to argue about it on occasion. We're both stubborn people.

Let me take a different direction; you have seven years invested in her. How in sync with you is she in other issues such as sex, money, politics? Is this a point to decide if you are in for the long run with her? I occasionally get a spousal comment like "why do you always have that"? I give her the tired but true response "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it". Once we had an incident where we thought our house was cased and we would be dealing with a home invasion. She decided she wanted my PX 4 in her night stand. Overall, my wife mostly squawks about me buying guns "don't you have enough already?" I give her the response: "I have more than I need, but not as many as I want". She comes from a family of liberals, so she has done very well overall IMO.

 

[Bapak2ja]

Now that's just downright mean! funny as all h**l, and true, but just plain mean.... err wait, no shotgun, what, we can't have that, Bapak2ja you get out there and buy yourself a Saiga 12 and then convert it!

Bought a Westernfield (Mossberg) 12 gauge back in the 1970s. It still does a fine job of blowing up pumpkins, so I may just have to let it loose on some pheasant again next Fall.

 

[Rookie]

Try it from a view point she will understand. You don't particularly care for her shopping, but you still support her.

Best I can come up with since my wife won't leave the house without hers.

 

[Hammerhead]

Before my wife and I got married, we were both interested in becoming armed. We'd gone shopping several times and wanted to start the process. However, at the time, I was so much less knowledgeable about the subject, and looking back, I'm glad we didn't do it then.

Fast forward several years. We'd been keeping the idea on the back burner for a while, but hadn't acted on it. I don't remember what the trigger finally was, there were several things all at once that made us start the discussions about it again. This time, I put myself into educating us about the process and everything involved. We finally both received our LLTCH. Now, I carry everywhere (legally allowed) and she will carry on her person sometimes, but generally just keeps it accessible. She wanted to be safe at home when I'm not around.

As far as advice, if she's not comfortable, do everything you can to ease her discomfort about it. Find out exactly what her concerns, fears, discomforts are, and tell her that you'll do the proper research and help educate both you and her about it. If that means taking a safety course together, finding female gun carriers who can offer honest advice and experience, getting her to come along on an INGO meet and greet to see those of us who carry without incident everyday, or anything else already mentioned, do what you think will help the most.

Don't be confrontational about it. Be rational, calm, and speak clearly. Don't inundate her with facts, statistics, or specific what if scenarios. Speak in general terms, and keep the ideas of protection, safety and wanting to learn as much as you can about carrying. Don't flaunt it.


Example: Even though my wife carries, her sister is opposed. She doesn't have an issue with owning weapons, or shooting sports, but doesn't understand the need for carry. I've given her a chance to get hands on with both my and my wife's EDC (unloaded and cleared, of course). She knows there's bad things that happen to good people, but she just doesn't get that carry isn't for all those times you don't need one, it's for that one time you do. I'm slowly whittling away at her concerns, but it's a long process.

Same thing with spouses who are fearful or concerned. It's a long process and won't change overnight without some unfortunate, dramatic, catastrophic event that I hope I never have to encounter, but I'm prepared for if it does.

 

[ljadayton]

I don't have a spouse or significant other but I'll take this from a different angle. The only family I have around here is my brother. He knows I carry and he'll smirk about it but he'd never try to talk me out of it. He accepts that that is something I want to do and knows me well enough to know I've put a lot of thought into it. He also knows that if he tried to talk me out of it I'd tell him where to stick it

When I do find a signifcant other, my carrying WILL be part of the package deal. If a guy doesn't accept it (he doesn't have to carry, he doesn't even have to want to touch the thing, he just has to accept that I will), he can move on down the road

 

[Bapak2ja]

I don't have a spouse or significant other but I'll take this from a different angle. The only family I have around here is my brother. He knows I carry and he'll smirk about it but he'd never try to talk me out of it. He accepts that that is something I want to do and knows me well enough to know I've put a lot of thought into it. He also knows that if he tried to talk me out of it I'd tell him where to stick it

When I do find a signifcant other, my carrying WILL be part of the package deal. If a guy doesn't accept it (he doesn't have to carry, he doesn't even have to want to touch the thing, he just has to accept that I will), he can move on down the road

I am beginning to believe that there are still some good pioneer-type women in Indiana. I thought I had married the last one until I began to see women with courage and determination on .

 

[ljadayton]

I am beginning to believe that there are still some good pioneer-type women in Indiana. I thought I had married the last one until I began to see women with courage and determination on .

And I'm not even from Indiana

 

[BarryJaxon]

HMMM,must be why I have 3 x-wives.......amongst others!

 

[RTroy29035]

Forget the fact that I grew up with weapons and had hunted since I was 10 years old. Forget the fact that wile on active duty for 12 years and the reserves another 8 I handled various types of weapons on an almost daily basis, it still took my wife nearly 10 years to finally accept my having a weapon in the house let alone having my LTCH. When our house was being broken into and I had my weapon available and ready really helped to change her mind though. So for the past 6 months she has been more than supportive of my having and carrying my weapon.