My Mom is in the hospital prayers please and Telling a parent that its time to quit driving..??

[Mongo59]

First off I have been praying and will continue to do so.

Before my dad passed he got so weak he couldn't turn the key in the ignition to start the car. Problem solved you say? No, he had a remote starter installed.

He lived in Florida and his three oldest children live here in Indiana. My sister found out and called my brother and said, "someone needs to take his keys away!"

My brother says, "He will disinherit you."

Sis says, "but what if something happens?"

Brother, "we don't know anyone down there..."

Moral of the story is we never had to get to that point and nothing bad happened by grace alone. There are consequences to every decision made and until you have a plan to supply her transportation needs for her it would be short sighted and problematic to pronounce a ultimatum without her input.

Openly talk, with the whole family present, to come to any resolve to this problem. Try to keep your mom active in the decision making process and have all express their concerns. Be ready and maintain your readiness for your part in the agreement, if you all don't keep up your part there is no reason to expect her to keep up hers...

 

[Ziggidy]

Prayer for all.

My mom was in her 80’s when she had a left below the knee amputation. For a couple of years I was able to convince her not to drive but she was persistent. She kept asking me to take her to renew her license; which I kept delaying the process. I took her out to practice one time but I am not good with anyone driving, let alone someone missing half a leg and who hasn’t driven in a few years.

She finally got to my sister who broke down and took her to renew her license. She had to take a driving test and to be honest, I do not know how she managed to get in or out of the car, but she did. Do not know how she passed, but she did.

From that day on, she never wanted to drive. It was just something she needed to prove to herself (and me) that she was still a viable adult.

I do not have any advice how to stop your mom, but maybe guide her to make her own decision not to. It’s easier to make the decision for yourself than someone make it for you.

 

[two70]

Every individual is different and has different capabilities and disabilities. It bothers me to see so many people put numbers out there where they think an individual isn't capable of doing anything. On the other hand, it is amusing to see the shock on some younger people's faces when an oldster out-performs them in one way or another.

I've encountered a very elderly wrong way driver before and I'd rather not do that again just because someone lacked family to tell them no or family willing to tell them no. While I wouldn't go so far as automatically pulling a driver's license at a certain age, requiring an annual driving test after a certain age makes a lot of sense.

 

[CindyE]

Hey all, first off prayer's appreciated for my mom. She is 93 and was found unresponsive last week in her vehicle. She drove from Montpelier to Muncie to get 2 cortisone shots in her back. Yes she is independent.. so on the way thru Hartford she pulls over to the bank to take care of some business, my sister is with her but sis is special needs and does not do well with situations but she found mom passed out and goes in calmly and gets help.
Mom is taken via ambulance to the ER and sent to IU-Ball in Muncie. She was doing well and became un responsive again, pretty much do to the fact she was give hydrocodone and Percocet which she is allergic to. Out for 2 days and we were finally able to get her to respond and finally eat yesterday.
We in the family feel blessed that passed out while setting and that she woke up and was able to eat answer some questions. Her vitals are strong, no stroke or a UTI, heart, kidneys and liver all doing there job and well for a 93 year old.
So after that long intro.. need to pull the keys just do to the fact her mindset and reaction time has suffered and its just a matter of time before something else bad happens. I know its hard on her and wondered how many fellow INGOer's have went down this path?? And any advice.. Thank, Tim

Prayers... we are dealing with elderly parents, too. Both mother-in-law and stepmother-in-law have fallen during the last few days, and too many times before to remember. At least they do not drive. 2 more older family members are hanging in there and still driving, but do have some health issues. Stepfather-in-law drove well into his 90s, he lived to be around 100 and only stopped driving the last few years. He was pretty amazing...

This time in life is so difficult. We are getting older and slowing down too, and then worrying about/helping our parents. Hang in there and do what you think is right. I know how they get angry sometimes.

 

[BiscuitsandGravy]

Prayers to you and your Mother...

All I have to add is be sure you know what a palliative care order is if ordered and how/when it may be rescinded. Also, make sure you have a solid PoA.

 

[Creedmoor]

Im with my 85 yr old mother as I write this. She is in a great place so its no big deal when she decides to stop driving.

my dad stopped on his own, but he could drive a golf cart about everywhere he needed to go where he retired.

My dad went through this with his father, he called the Local State Police Barracks and had a chat with a Trooper in Charge.
They pulled my Gfather over a week or so later and gave him a tickwt so hw had to go and take a test at BMV/MVA.
He failed his reaction test and that was the end of his license.
A few wwwks later
My dad took the battery out of his car so he would stop driving around the retirement community.

 

[BE Mike]

I've encountered a very elderly wrong way driver before and I'd rather not do that again just because someone lacked family to tell them no or family willing to tell them no. While I wouldn't go so far as automatically pulling a driver's license at a certain age, requiring an annual driving test after a certain age makes a lot of sense.

Actually, with the way that I see a lot of people drive, it makes sense to have every licensed driver take a written and road test every year, but how do you keep them from driving distracted and impaired? Looks like driving on the wrong side of the road is like #18. I think it is easy to pick on the elderly drivers because some of them are an irritant to younger drivers (not driving fast enough to suit them), not because they are necessarily unsafe.I hope you issued a citation to the wrong way driver. Keep up the good work! https://www.gjel.com/blog/driving-i...: What is the most,and not wearing a seatbelt.

 

[two70]

Actually, with the way that I see a lot of people drive, it makes sense to have every licensed driver take a written and road test every year, but how do you keep them from driving distracted and impaired? Looks like driving on the wrong side of the road is like #18. I think it is easy to pick on the elderly drivers because some of them are an irritant to younger drivers (not driving fast enough to suit them), not because they are necessarily unsafe.I hope you issued a citation to the wrong way driver. Keep up the good work! https://www.gjel.com/blog/driving-information/top-causes-car-accidents.html#:~:text=Q: What is the most,and not wearing a seatbelt.

I'm not a LEO and was just traveling when I encountered the wrong way driver. I hope law enforcement was able to get him off of the road safely, they were trying to track him down already when I called 911.

 

[tmschuller]

Prayers for your mom.

My wife needs a ride home when she gets those shots in her back. Did this happen after the shot?

Sorry been at the hospital most days and nights.. touch and go but improvements for now. I DO appreciate the prayer's !!! THANK YOU
YES, she went to the Hartford hospital then to Ball. Was doing very well until pain meds were given.. hydrocodone, Percocet and ? All were on her charts as to not give to her. Finally after a "discussion" with Dr everything was updated.
Many good things going like vitals and she is awake more than not. But its day to day for now. She is in 1953 right now as in dementia like symptom's. Have to stabilize some things like sodium-potassium that are low. Then more testing, brain scan was not too encouraging.
AGAIN Thank you, TIM

 

[tmschuller]

Mom woke up last night.. still some confusion but so much better overall. She’s in the here and now present day. Knowing that she’s in the hospital and vitals are great. Talk of moving her to a rehabilitation facility to strengthen and improve her physical condition
Thanks again for your prayers. Tim

 

[Leo]

I had to pull the keys from an elderly relative. Not easy to be the one who takes the responsibility.

As tough as the initial act was, that was only the tip. In my case it meant driving to that town at least every other day and driving her around. Each trip, before she got out of the car, it was necessary to schedule the next time, and / or line up someone else to take the next scheduled duty. Of course by the time you got home you would get a call that a Doctors appointment had changed, etc. And of course the elderly, sweet little old lady hates you for it all. Pulling the keys is a lifestyle change, but sometimes it has to be done. I still have regrets that I did not get it done until and innocent family was seriously hurt and hospitalized by Mrs Magoo still driving.

And we have not even discussed what it is like to take firearms away from someone who mentally cannot handle them. The evidence of that time was witnessed by bullet holes in the kitchen cabinet, and a hole in the floor by the dresser. The cocked revolver on the dash of an unlocked car with the window left down was pretty bad, too. And I still was labeled the bad guy in that case.

 

[BE Mike]

I had to pull the keys from an elderly relative. Not easy to be the one who takes the responsibility.

As tough as the initial act was, that was only the tip. In my case it meant driving to that town at least every other day and driving her around. Each trip, before she got out of the car, it was necessary to schedule the next time, and / or line up someone else to take the next scheduled duty. Of course by the time you got home you would get a call that a Doctors appointment had changed, etc. And of course the elderly, sweet little old lady hates you for it all. Pulling the keys is a lifestyle change, but sometimes it has to be done. I still have regrets that I did not get it done until and innocent family was seriously hurt and hospitalized by Mrs Magoo still driving.

And we have not even discussed what it is like to take firearms away from someone who mentally cannot handle them. The evidence of that time was witnessed by bullet holes in the kitchen cabinet, and a hole in the floor by the dresser. The cocked revolver on the dash of an unlocked car with the window left down was pretty bad, too. And I still was labeled the bad guy in that case.

My father was a lifelong gun guy and competitive pistol shooter. I quit taking him to matches when he would often shoot on another's target, not just next to him, but 2 or 3 targets away! Much later during his decline, as a precaution, I unloaded my father's revolver that he kept in a safe and made sure that there was no other ammo anywhere. His dementia was getting rapidly worse at the time. Luckily, he never seemed to miss it. By that time, he might have forgotten the combination to the safe. Just yesterday, one of my daughters was talking about selling our house when one of us passes and the survivor moving in with her family. I think that she might be jumping the gun a little. I told her that if I could have my own room with all my reloading equipment, gun safes and big screen tv, I'd be ready to make the move now!