One day last week my marriage of 23 years officially ended. I don’t know which day it was, I fired my attorney the first of the year so I am waiting for the copy in the mail to know when it was final.
Last Thursday my sister sent me a text with the newspaper divorce announcement. Since it was in the paper I assume it is final. The mediator said it would be over in a matter of days but I didn’t really believe him.
It’s a relief yet I felt an unexpected burst of sadness. Not because I still love him but because I feel sorry for him. He turned his back on most of his siblings before he decided I wasn’t worthy either. Other than our son he only has a couple brothers he still speaks to.
For all intense purposes my marriage ended almost 5 years ago when the person I married ceased to exist.
I’ve hated him for a very long time because of the condescending way he started treating me. I never thought it was possible to feel this way about anyone. But I hate him. I can’t be in the same room with him. I won’t talk to him unless I absolutely have to. I can’t. He tries to manipulate and belittle me.
For years I stood by him when he couldn’t work due to back and knee injuries. When he wanted to start his own business I supported him. When he wanted to close the business a few years later, I supported his decision.
During the majority of the marriage I was the main breadwinner. He took care of most of the house work and did the majority of the cooking while I worked. He would warm up my car in the mornings and get my coffee ready before I left for my commute. He got our son off to school in the mornings and made sure he made it home safely.
We seldom disagreed or fought. Every so often he would throw a tantrum, I would walk on eggshells and then it would all blow over.
Regardless of what came up, I always supported him. When the dark accusations came up, I stood by him then too even though it meant turning my back on my sister and my daughter for a while.
At the end of 2008 I was downsized from corporate America. The job market sucked. I was previously paid very well which made potential employers overlook me.
My mom was sinking fast into the realms of Alzheimer’s. My sister needed help taking care of her. I started helping take care of my mom because it was the right thing to do.
The fighting started. He couldn’t understand my sense of family obligation. He made me feel horrible for wanting to do the right thing.
In the meantime he turned his back on his dad as he was dying. I realized I could never risk growing old with such a cold and callous person.
He had to get a job to support the family. He resented me for that. His personality kept getting darker and uglier.
Then I found out about his girlfriend. That was the final straw. I started dating other people too a few months later.
Once our son graduated in June 2013, he hired an attorney with the intent to throw me on the streets since I was only working part time. He lied and tried to do horrible things to me.
I hired my own attorney and filed for divorce.
For 6 months we shared the house on alternate days. It was a horrible experience. Although my attorney charged $200 an hour he wasn’t proactive or supportive of my situation.
In the valley, the court is not sympathetic to the mother. Whoever makes the money makes the rules.
After a failed $600 mediation session in December I fired my attorney and opted to represent myself. Although the attorney did not protect my assets he did get the ex out of the house at the end of the year. He had to move into our other house like we had originally agreed.
When he left he stole several structural and family assets and reneged on our earlier agreement to the distribution of joint assets.
This made the divorce drag out until now. We had mediation in Muncie the middle of July. He had to return the items he stole and he has to fulfill our original agreement. The mediator accomplished in two hours what my attorney couldn’t do in 6 months.
I truly believe things happen for a reason. In most bad events there is something positive to be found if you look hard enough.
Losing my job allowed me to spend time with my mom while she still knew me and so I could help with her care.
Losing my job opened my eyes to who I had married. He wasn’t meant to be my happily ever after. My prince charming is still out there waiting for me to find him.
My new beginning starts now and I feel fine.
[video=youtube;PE2iup32lgk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE2iup32lgk[/video]
Last Thursday my sister sent me a text with the newspaper divorce announcement. Since it was in the paper I assume it is final. The mediator said it would be over in a matter of days but I didn’t really believe him.
It’s a relief yet I felt an unexpected burst of sadness. Not because I still love him but because I feel sorry for him. He turned his back on most of his siblings before he decided I wasn’t worthy either. Other than our son he only has a couple brothers he still speaks to.
For all intense purposes my marriage ended almost 5 years ago when the person I married ceased to exist.
I’ve hated him for a very long time because of the condescending way he started treating me. I never thought it was possible to feel this way about anyone. But I hate him. I can’t be in the same room with him. I won’t talk to him unless I absolutely have to. I can’t. He tries to manipulate and belittle me.
For years I stood by him when he couldn’t work due to back and knee injuries. When he wanted to start his own business I supported him. When he wanted to close the business a few years later, I supported his decision.
During the majority of the marriage I was the main breadwinner. He took care of most of the house work and did the majority of the cooking while I worked. He would warm up my car in the mornings and get my coffee ready before I left for my commute. He got our son off to school in the mornings and made sure he made it home safely.
We seldom disagreed or fought. Every so often he would throw a tantrum, I would walk on eggshells and then it would all blow over.
Regardless of what came up, I always supported him. When the dark accusations came up, I stood by him then too even though it meant turning my back on my sister and my daughter for a while.
At the end of 2008 I was downsized from corporate America. The job market sucked. I was previously paid very well which made potential employers overlook me.
My mom was sinking fast into the realms of Alzheimer’s. My sister needed help taking care of her. I started helping take care of my mom because it was the right thing to do.
The fighting started. He couldn’t understand my sense of family obligation. He made me feel horrible for wanting to do the right thing.
In the meantime he turned his back on his dad as he was dying. I realized I could never risk growing old with such a cold and callous person.
He had to get a job to support the family. He resented me for that. His personality kept getting darker and uglier.
Then I found out about his girlfriend. That was the final straw. I started dating other people too a few months later.
Once our son graduated in June 2013, he hired an attorney with the intent to throw me on the streets since I was only working part time. He lied and tried to do horrible things to me.
I hired my own attorney and filed for divorce.
For 6 months we shared the house on alternate days. It was a horrible experience. Although my attorney charged $200 an hour he wasn’t proactive or supportive of my situation.
In the valley, the court is not sympathetic to the mother. Whoever makes the money makes the rules.
After a failed $600 mediation session in December I fired my attorney and opted to represent myself. Although the attorney did not protect my assets he did get the ex out of the house at the end of the year. He had to move into our other house like we had originally agreed.
When he left he stole several structural and family assets and reneged on our earlier agreement to the distribution of joint assets.
This made the divorce drag out until now. We had mediation in Muncie the middle of July. He had to return the items he stole and he has to fulfill our original agreement. The mediator accomplished in two hours what my attorney couldn’t do in 6 months.
I truly believe things happen for a reason. In most bad events there is something positive to be found if you look hard enough.
Losing my job allowed me to spend time with my mom while she still knew me and so I could help with her care.
Losing my job opened my eyes to who I had married. He wasn’t meant to be my happily ever after. My prince charming is still out there waiting for me to find him.
My new beginning starts now and I feel fine.
[video=youtube;PE2iup32lgk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE2iup32lgk[/video]
