Let's have a discussion about kids...

[dom1104]

Freedom is the ability to choose.

Choose to have kids.
Choose not to.
Choose to listen to people who want something for you that you do not.
Choose to smile and think of reloading ammo while nodding.
Choose to leave your life decision offline.
Choose to ask a bunch of opinionated strangers to opinionate at you.

All choices, all a part of your freedom.

Now, since you asked, is my opinion:

1. People who do not want kids should not have them. That is all fine and dandy but understand that your choice will not determine what the rest of us do and since there are more of us - we will have the market win on having kids at the restaurants. Simple market forces and all.

2. Understand that the future will be determined by those who have kids. At the crudest level there are countries who will change in the next 50 years simply people who are educated and western have decided for many reasons to not have kids while immigrants are having tons. Give that 50 years and the math is simple. Italy, Israel, all sorts of nations are looking hard at this reality. It is not a good reason to have a kid, but it is a funny reality.

3. Your family/friends love you and when they bug you about kids you should take it as a compliment. It is something that brings them so much joy that they want you to have the same. They mean well. Just nod and think of running .44 thought a progressive press or whatever your happy place is.


You only get one life. Live it as you will. For some the life journey is enough. For others leaving behind a continuance is important enough to make it happen. For others the wish to not die alone in a room is important. Whatever the reason, it is your reason, your choice.

And each of us should be happy we have the freedom to choose as we wish.

excellent post.

 

[abnk]

I would say rather that the desire to have children is the mainstream, or most common desire that most people have naturally. Some few are given other things to set their time to. It is not unnatural, because that assumes that every person is made with procreation as one of their chief purposes which I would say is not true.

You have to distinguish between drives and rational choices. If the person has no sexual drive, I'll accept what you said. If the person suppresses his drives to procreate, it is going against what nature programmed him to do.

Either way, I don't want to ramble. I think I have made my point. I wish the OP luck.

 

[hornadylnl]

Having only one child is nearly as bad as having none. Almost everybody who finds out I only have one asks me why I don't have more or tell me I should have more. Some will even go so far as to tell me that it's harmful to be an only child.

 

[techres]

Having only one child is nearly as bad as having none. Almost everybody who finds out I only have one asks me why I don't have more or tell me I should have more. Some will even go so far as to tell me that it's harmful to be an only child.

No moreso than being a PK (Preacher's Kid).
No moreso than being a GK (Gunowner's Kid).
No moreso than being a LK (Liberal's Kid).
No moreso than being a CK (Conservative's Kid).
No moreso than being...

You fill in the blank. If they made it all the way to breathing fresh air and get to do so day after day for years then they are better of than many. If they have parents who love and protect them, and kind strangers to narc them out, and perhaps, just perhaps some childless aunts & uncles to spoil them then they can count themselves blessed.

And people truly have forgotten good manners when they speak to others some times. It is one of many things we have lost as a society.

 

[ATOMonkey]

My Dad told me, "you're not really a parent until you have more than one."

Oh really pops? Your grandson would probably disagree with you.

Anyway, I will second what others have said about a child being the greatest joy in your life. When my son was born, I cried my eyes out, and I'm not prone to fits of emotion.

There is nothing that even comes close to the love between a child and a parent, and you'll never know you're missing it if you don't ever experience it. So, there's no point in even contemplating it. It's just something that you KNOW, once it happens.

Children will also bring you the greatest sadness you've ever known in your life, because they bring so much joy. Seeing them struggle will pull your heart right out of your chest. Without a doubt in my mind, the most painful thing anyone can endure is the death of a child.

Spiritually, my children have brought me closer to God. It's one thing to think of God as a Father, but to actually be a Father gives it a much deeper meaning.

YMMV - You get out of parenting what you put into it, and your children typically return to you at least twice what you give them.

 

[CindyE]

I wish more people would think seriously before having kids. I don't find it unnatural not to want kids. It's a messed up world, there are many times lately that i am glad i don't have any kids at home, in the school system, etc. I have a grown daughter (my only child) that i am very proud of, and my husband (her stepdad) says he'd want more kids if he knew they'd be like her. But I think we got pretty lucky, too. We don't always agree on discipline and other issues, and I can see that causing problems. We discussed kids early in our marriage (2nd for both of us), and he wanted to start right away. I said i'd rather wait until we got used to being a family with my daughter and his. When i was near 30, i asked him how he felt about kids, i was pretty neutral about it at that point. he said he'd changed his mind. I was fine with that, and still am.
My daughter gets pressure from other relatives to have kids. It's nobody's business- i don't care if you want to be grandparents or have someone to carry on the family name. if you're not the one that's going to raise them, then be quiet and let the couple in question decide! My FIL used to bug us about having a boy to carry on the family name. I told him i'd agree, if he agreed to be our nanny whenever we wanted. No? Well, then go make a baby boy yourself!

 

[Ness2k]

You have to distinguish between drives and rational choices. If the person has no sexual drive, I'll accept what you said. If the person suppresses his drives to procreate, it is going against what nature programmed him to do.

Either way, I don't want to ramble. I think I have made my point. I wish the OP luck.

Nature programmed me to have polygamous sex, not raise kids. This world is fubar and I wouldn't dare have a child in it.

Unfortunately the hardest part is finding a doctor that will perform a vasectomy. I'm seriously considering traveling abroad to have it done because every doctor here looks like a when I tell him that I don't want any kids.

 

[Mosinowner]

What's wrong with Kids if you raise them right?

 

[Benny]

I know people who never had kids and wish they did. I don't know anyone who has kids and wish they didn't.

Since we're on the subject, responsible people not breeding contributes to the downfall of this nation.

But the fact that you can count them on one hand proves his point.

Yes and no. I know plenty of people that didn't have kids and are happy with their decision. Also, just because I've only heard one person say they wish they didn't have kids doesn't mean a whole lot...How many stories have you read/seen of a parent killing their children? I'd say we can count them in the "wish they didn't have kids" department, wouldn't you?

Anyway, shouldn't you compare people that didn't have kids and wish they did to people that have kids and wish they didn't? And compare people that didn't have kids and are happy with people that have kids and are happy?

I would find life without my children pointless.

Ditto my brother. I couldn't possibly imagine life without my 7 year old.

There is nothing that even comes close to the love between a child and a parent, and you'll never know you're missing it if you don't ever experience it. So, there's no point in even contemplating it. It's just something that you KNOW, once it happens.

Exactly.

Great post, BTW.

 

[Pami]

Unfortunately the hardest part is finding a doctor that will perform a vasectomy. I'm seriously considering traveling abroad to have it done because every doctor here looks like a when I tell him that I don't want any kids.

This doesn't surprise me. We have our daughter because after my sister's third pregnancy (she carried him full term knowing he had a less than 1% survival chance), her doctor wouldn't tie her tubes (or whatever fancy thing they're doing to women these days). She wasn't 30 yet, and she didn't have three living children, and he was afraid she might change her mind about wanting more kids down the road.

Down the road, she had another unplanned pregnancy. So now Lars and I, who had accepted we probably would never have children, have a daughter. And because of a recurrence of pre-cancerous cells, my sister still hasn't had the surgery. They keep feeding her excuses not to do it.

 

[Mackey]

In this life, (which is all that we have as far as I can tell), it doesn't matter what you do, people will find a way to criticize you. I have 4 kids and I'm glad I did. Did they change my life? You'd better believe it. If you don't feel the strong desire to have children... you shouldn't.