Family: Whatever happened to quality time?

[IndyDave1776]

The thread @Bigtanker posted the other day where he assisted "littletanker" in destroying vegetables has been weighing on me pretty heavily. The issue I find bothersome is that this outstanding example of parenthood is in my observation a rarity rather than the prevalent standard it should be. Parents seem to just not spend quality time with their children, do not instruct them in the things they need to understand for life, and far too often just straight up don't give a damn.

The questions I am presenting are how did we get here and how do we remedy this critical flaw in society while we still have a society and not just a national-scale mob.

 

[Crash7]

This

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[KLB]

 

[Snapdragon]

On a slightly different note, but speaks to parenting in general. I saw this posted on FB today.



I can't imagine anyone, especially a woman, offering to pay someone to sew on a button. This is one of those parenting skills that has gone by the wayside.

 

[HoughMade]

I heard a PSA a while ago that suggested eating dinner together at least once a week.

My entire family (who still live in the house) eats about 13-15 meals together a week and the 5 lunches during the work week account for most of them when we are not together.

 

[Alpo]

I grew up in the 50's and come from a big family. Other than showing up for dinner (or forget about eating) and at sunset, we were pretty much free range. My google-fu was my Dad, who taught me how to set points, change tires, use a lathe, build a garage, waterski, fish, hunt and what camera f-stops, etc etc etc, were all about.

I don't think my experience was universal as many of the guys my age can't repair a leaky faucet.

Like most things in life, quality time is mostly just showing up.

 

[foszoe]

The thread @Bigtanker posted the other day where he assisted "littletanker" in destroying vegetables has been weighing on me pretty heavily. The issue I find bothersome is that this outstanding example of parenthood is in my observation a rarity rather than the prevalent standard it should be. Parents seem to just not spend quality time with their children, do not instruct them in the things they need to understand for life, and far too often just straight up don't give a damn.

The questions I am presenting are how did we get here and how do we remedy this critical flaw in society while we still have a society and not just a national-scale mob.

Valuing entertainment over fruits of labor

 

[IndyDave1776]

I heard a PSA a while ago that suggested eating dinner together at least once a week.

My entire family (who still live in the house) eats about 13-15 meals together a week and the 5 lunches during the work week account for most of them when we are not together.

I am going to re-use pictures i originally took for a different thread. This table was made by my grandpa's cousin in shop class. It was the centerpiece of grandma and grandpa's kitchen from about 1950 until I took it with me when I moved into my dad's house after my tour if duty with grandma living with dementia ended. That table is one of my most beloved possessions not for its own sake, but because that was where friends and family gathered for decades. While I am the last member of that family culture left, I see it being reborn with my daughter and friends.

As for my parents, dad to s great extent failed to absorb this. It never really existed in my mom's family. Throw in some cheating together with easy no-fault divorce being a trendy novelty and my parents were lost causes.

 

[KLB]

I grew up in the 50's and come from a big family. Other than showing up for dinner (or forget about eating) and at sunset, we were pretty much free range. My google-fu was my Dad, who taught me how to set points, change tires, use a lathe, build a garage, waterski, fish, hunt and what camera f-stops, etc etc etc, were all about.

I don't think my experience was universal as many of the guys my age can't repair a leaky faucet.

Like most things in life, quality time is mostly just showing up.

We were the same in the 70s. Today they would arrest my parents for abuse.

 

[Leo]

Good observation by all above, and I applaud anyone who acts in traditional parenting roles. .

I live in a 332 home development, and people have a bit more than average income. 175 homes have school age children. You never see kids mowing, shoveling or doing anything that even looks like contributing to the family home. You see mothers taking kids and sports gear to various practices while the landscaper maintains the yard. The kids are robbed of the satisfaction and value of contributing. They are only trained to be entitled takers. A kid I talk to has recently graduated, and has never once been employed

The smart devices in their hands give a faux sense of power and intellect. They also burden the user with a limitless set of world problems they are powerless to correct or control. As adults, we are not able to carry the problems of the world, even if we can reason through them. Even the brightest youth is in no way equipped to reason through and carry the weight of societal problems. We see this proven with widespread depression, sadness, and just plain mean and hateful kids. We also see it manifest in violence and suicide.

The grandkids live nearby, and the wife transports them to various events so we see them often. The oldest girl was given a smartphone in April. She has already had a notable personality shift. Modern devices have pushed life past human health.

 

[eldirector]

Doing my part.

La Directorette and I cleaned the chicken coop together last weekend. Added a new roost as well. Some sort of projects every week, and we do them together.

We eat together most nights. Breakfast on the weekends (kiddo helps prepare). La Directora and La Directorette have lunch together most days.

Of course, we homeschool. Makes time together a lot more common by default.

 

[Ark]

I imagine it was a lot easier back when a single 8-5 job could support a stay-at-home wife, 3 kids, a house, and a car. Women entering the workforce cut the value of labor in half. There's a lot of parents working very hard today for not very much. Add to that tremendous cultural pressure and messaging promoting career-at-all-costs and denigrating the family. Some people snap out of it, but not enough.

 

[MCgrease08]

I imagine it was a lot easier back when a single 8-5 job could support a stay-at-home wife, 3 kids, a house, and a car.

It still can.

 

[BigRed]

The thread @Bigtanker posted the other day where he assisted "littletanker" in destroying vegetables has been weighing on me pretty heavily. The issue I find bothersome is that this outstanding example of parenthood is in my observation a rarity rather than the prevalent standard it should be. Parents seem to just not spend quality time with their children, do not instruct them in the things they need to understand for life, and far too often just straight up don't give a damn.

The questions I am presenting are how did we get here and how do we remedy this critical flaw in society while we still have a society and not just a national-scale mob.

Too much time in sports where every parent thinks their kid has skills for sports?

 

[HoughMade]

It still can.

Agreed...and with 4 kids (one out of the house on his own and another headed into her senior year of college).

It is largely a matter of expectations and priorities. There are certain things you "give up", but whatever you give up, it seems that a decently functional family who like each other and interact with each other regularly is worth more.

 

[Leadeye]

Both of my sons are grown men and productive members of society, working jobs and paying taxes. We all still get together when we can, or talk on the phone when we can't. We continue to help them if they need us, which they don't, I think sometimes that's more humoring mom and dad.

When I see them or talk to them I consider my primary responsibility in life done satisfactorily.

 

[DeadeyeChrista'sdad]

I grew up in the 50's and come from a big family. Other than showing up for dinner (or forget about eating) and at sunset, we were pretty much free range. My google-fu was my Dad, who taught me how to set points, change tires, use a lathe, build a garage, waterski, fish, hunt and what camera f-stops, etc etc etc, were all about.

I don't think my experience was universal as many of the guys my age can't repair a leaky faucet.

Like most things in life, quality time is mostly just showing up.

I've told my kids for years that the world isn't ran by the best and brightest. It's ran by the ones who get up off of their asses and show up for the meeting.

 

[churchmouse]

This

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And we have a winner.
Mom and Dad are in the other room doing the same thing. It is the new way of things and will only get worse.

 

[churchmouse]

I imagine it was a lot easier back when a single 8-5 job could support a stay-at-home wife, 3 kids, a house, and a car. Women entering the workforce cut the value of labor in half. There's a lot of parents working very hard today for not very much. Add to that tremendous cultural pressure and messaging promoting career-at-all-costs and denigrating the family. Some people snap out of it, but not enough.

This was the begining of our demise.
The need to double up on the family revenue streams.
When I was a kid in the 50's we had 1 TV 1 wall mounted rotary phone on a 4 party line 1 light in each bedroom with no TV's/phone etc dad worked and Mom was the center post of the family.
We ate together before school but just a fast breakfast. We came home for lunch and we ate dinner together every night or else.

When the basic over head of living the dream went up Mom went to work. We had a boat and camped so dad got a 2nd job to cover all that. Live picked up a lot as time rolled on.

Now, Cable/internet bills are pretty fracking salty.
Cell packages for the whole family aint cheap.
Every kid has a I-Pad or a cell phone and many have laptops as they get older. WiFi is an absolute period.
Hell a refrigerator costs as much as my dads new 69 Impala.
Every kitchen has more appliances than we can find plugs for. We had a toaster.....
The standard of basic living is off the charts from my childhood.

 

[DoggyDaddy]

This was the begining of our demise.
The need to double up on the family revenue streams.
When I was a kid in the 50's we had 1 TV 1 wall mounted rotary phone on a 4 party line 1 light in each bedroom with no TV's/phone etc dad worked and Mom was the center post of the family.
We ate together before school but just a fast breakfast. We came home for lunch and we ate dinner together every night or else.

When the basic over head of living the dream went up Mom went to work. We had a boat and camped so dad got a 2nd job to cover all that. Live picked up a lot as time rolled on.

Now, Cable/internet bills are pretty fracking salty.
Cell packages for the whole family aint cheap.
Every kid has a I-Pad or a cell phone and many have laptops as they get older. WiFi is an absolute period.
Hell a refrigerator costs as much as my dads new 69 Impala.
Every kitchen has more appliances than we can find plugs for. We had a toaster.....
The standard of basic living is off the charts from my childhood.

Dad was always the breadwinner at our house, at least until my older sisters got older and went away to college or (the middle one) was getting close to high school age. Mom wanted new carpeting for the house (we had old asphalt tile floors), so she started her own kindergarten/nursery school at our church. She ran it until I was out of high school, and in fact I went there.

The public schools recognized her preschool as having some of the highest quality, most prepared students once they entered grade school. And she got her new carpeting.