Do you think kicking kids out to soon(18 years old) is a negative thing?

[Lucas156]

It seems like the u.s. is the only country that does this kind of thing. In many other countries it seems the parents want their kid to get an education and get well established or married before they want their kids to move out. Here in the u.s. we just kick em out who cares if that hinders their ability to get an education or have a better quality of life later on. When are kids actually mature enough to leave? I know I wasn't at 18. Do you think this has any effect on future generations, u.s. economy, government policies, etc? It seems to me we have undervalued the nurturing and growth of our children as well as the impact on our nation and future generations.

In short why is it normal in the U.S. to do this and not in other countries and what social impacts are there?

 

[Rookie]

I don't think there's a magic age. I have a 24 and 21 year old who live at home. They just got good jobs and they're saving for their own home while helping out at home. I have a 19 year old who, at the age of 18 decided that she was an adult, she wasn't going to abide by the rules, and she was going to lay out the rules that we were going to follow. She was shown the door.

 

[hornadylnl]

My plan is that when my daughter graduates, if she's going to a local college or working a good job and saving for a place of her own, she's welcome to stay for free. If she thinks she's not going to work or work a meaningless job and have a good time, she's out the door. I'm not raising her for the rest of my life. There's a balance between nurture and enabling.

 

[Bunnykid68]

I still want to move back in with my parents

 

[churchmouse]

I don't think there's a magic age. I have a 24 and 21 year old who live at home. They just got good jobs and they're saving for their own home while helping out at home. I have a 19 year old who, at the age of 18 decided that she was an adult, she wasn't going to abide by the rules, and she was going to lay out the rules that we were going to follow. She was shown the door.

As my daughter did. She found the magic age where life is better on your own, "18" Out the door and gone.

She did not make it a long time. Back with hat in hand and a serious attitude adjustment.

 

[Magneto]

I have a friend that was out of the house at 17. I have one friend that was almost 30 before he left. I have no problem with a kid staying at home during college, but after that they need to be looking to move on.

 

[gunman41mag]

My son move into one of my rental homes at 21 & he just move back home at 22, he'll be leaving soon, I bought him a house & we are going to remodel it

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Short answer: American culture tends to place a high value on independence and "rugged individualism". Other cultures value family and community more, and thus don't have the social stigma of living with your parents as an adult. My wife lived with her parents until we were married because that was the social norm for them. Unmarried children, especially women, don't live on their own.

I grew up with that philosophy, and I'll be straight up and say if you are an American in your early 20s and still live with your parents, I think less of you. You are still a child in many ways in my mind. At 18 I was gone, ready to show I could make it on my own. I understand that the economic realities of today make that much harder, and I understand my view may be unfair, but I've yet to overcome it. If you want to be an adult, get out of Mommy and Daddy's house and live like an adult.

 

[snapping turtle]

I was gone at 18. Living in a rough neighborhood.

 

[romad7]

I signed my name on the line and was off to Basic Training at 17. I had a lot to learn of course but I was ready for it. I turned out ok...mostly

If a kid is held to a certain standard and given the necessary tools to succeed then they should be ready to be on their own at 18. They should never truly be on their own though, parents should be always available for help and support (not handouts but for advice and emotional support).

 

[HoughMade]

Where is this law that kids in the U.S. must be kicked out at 18? If not a law, where is the evidence that proves that the majority of people kick their kids out at 18?

I don't buy it. I reject the premise. To the extent kids move out at 18, I would submit that, overwhelmingly, it's because they want to.

 

[Doug]

I don't think it is normal.
I didn't kick my kids out and couldn't have imagined doing so.
Of course, there was mutual respect. My wife and I let them know where we were and when we'd be back and expected the same from them.
None of us ever threw wild parties or drank to excess.
One son stayed until he left for college; the other until he was ready to buy a house.
Both helped out while they were home.
Not a religious discussion, just my opinion: God knew what I could handle and gave me two sons who never gave me a lick of real trouble. I am blessed.

 

[Dargasonus]

I moved out at 18 by choice. My parents would let either of my siblings or myself stay as long as we were working / college / saving for house. I don't see the problem with kids staying until they are out of college debt and have a good down payment for a house saved up. As long as your contributing to the household needs that is, and not just emptying the fridge.

I work with a guy who is 27 and lives with his parents. But he's not married, and contributes to all the household bills and duties like his parents do. So as long as they are ok with the company, I don't see a problem.

 

[BIGnTall83]

I don't think there's a magic age. I have a 24 and 21 year old who live at home. They just got good jobs and they're saving for their own home while helping out at home. I have a 19 year old who, at the age of 18 decided that she was an adult, she wasn't going to abide by the rules, and she was going to lay out the rules that we were going to follow. She was shown the door.

My plan is that when my daughter graduates, if she's going to a local college or working a good job and saving for a place of her own, she's welcome to stay for free. If she thinks she's not going to work or work a meaningless job and have a good time, she's out the door. I'm not raising her for the rest of my life. There's a balance between nurture and enabling.

I have a friend that was out of the house at 17. I have one friend that was almost 30 before he left. I have no problem with a kid staying at home during college, but after that they need to be looking to move on.

If the 18-21ish child is going to school FULL TIME and not working I am fine with that, part time school/part time work I am fine with that, FULL TIME job that can turn into a CAREER and saving for a reliable car & a house in a good part of town I am fine with that. Any other situation and they are being a drain on the parents and if they do not want to be a productive member of society or going to school to become a productive member of society they need to grow the **** up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

\rant
This is a touchy subject, I just parted ways with a very good friend who is 31 yrs old, lives at home with mommy and daddy (has never been on his own) he is mentaly sound so that is no excuse. He is not not working by choice because even though he has no experiance he only applies for managment possitions/inventory control/quality control possitions (his experience is delivering appliances 8+ years ago in California, working as a machine operator in a very simple manufacturing environment, and he can drive a forklift), he did go to school PART TIME and decided to stop to pay his loan off which he took to live off of rather than work and go to school like me and 99% of all other working adults in America who are trying to go to school (mind you he got the Pell grant and his father served in Vietnam and he recieved benefits for school from the VA), after 1 year he decided to stop school to pay off his loan so it doesnt build up but he wont take any of the 100 avaliable positions in local factories here in our area because I guess those type of jobs are "below him" he would rather sit on his ass and play World Of Warcraft and txt with his ONLINE girlfriend who lives in TX than to work. His father is one of the hardest working men I have worked with ( i worked with this ex-friend and he worked for me when I became production supervisor at my last job as well has his father) but this apple fell about as far from the tree as possible.

So back to the point at hand: get a job and/or go to school or get out.

/rant

 

[the1kidd03]

Short answer: American culture tends to place a high value on independence and "rugged individualism". Other cultures value family and community more, and thus don't have the social stigma of living with your parents as an adult. My wife lived with her parents until we were married because that was the social norm for them. Unmarried children, especially women, don't live on their own.

Nailed it!

Cultures are dramatically different between countries. That aside, my personal philosphy will be as follows:

"At 18 you have a choice. #1 military service, #2 college, #3 working. I do not fault any of these choices because often people don't know where they want to end up career wise at 18. I was no different. You can remain at home while attending choice #2, but you will largely be living by the rules of MY home. You can choose #3, but you have exactly ONE year (or less depending on circumstances) to save up, get what you need, and move out on your own. "

 

[hornadylnl]

If the 18-21ish child is going to school FULL TIME and not working I am fine with that, part time school/part time work I am fine with that, FULL TIME job that can turn into a CAREER and saving for a reliable car & a house in a good part of town I am fine with that. Any other situation and they are being a drain on the parents and if they do not want to be a productive member of society or going to school to become a productive member of society they need to grow the **** up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

\rant
This is a touchy subject, I just parted ways with a very good friend who is 31 yrs old, lives at home with mommy and daddy (has never been on his own) he is mentaly sound so that is no excuse. He is not not working by choice because even though he has no experiance he only applies for managment possitions/inventory control/quality control possitions (his experience is delivering appliances 8+ years ago in California, working as a machine operator in a very simple manufacturing environment, and he can drive a forklift), he did go to school PART TIME and decided to stop to pay his loan off which he took to live off of rather than work and go to school like me and 99% of all other working adults in America who are trying to go to school (mind you he got the Pell grant and his father served in Vietnam and he recieved benefits for school from the VA), after 1 year he decided to stop school to pay off his loan so it doesnt build up but he wont take any of the 100 avaliable positions in local factories here in our area because I guess those type of jobs are "below him" he would rather sit on his ass and play World Of Warcraft and txt with his ONLINE girlfriend who lives in TX than to work. His father is one of the hardest working men I have worked with ( i worked with this ex-friend and he worked for me when I became production supervisor at my last job as well has his father) but this apple fell about as far from the tree as possible.

So back to the point at hand: get a job and/or go to school or get out.

/rant

Well said. I don't care if my daughter is working at Walmart so long as she's working hard and working her way up. What seem like menial jobs can turn into excellent careers. But working at Walmart for 20 hours a week and hanging out with friends and doing nothing useful otherwise will get her the boot. In the end, it comes down to maturity.

 

[Yellowjeep]

So 9 years old is to young. Huh.... I'll be right back, I have to go find someone.

 

[SSGSAD]

Where is this law that kids in the U.S. must be kicked out at 18? If not a law, where is the evidence that proves that the majority of people kick their kids out at 18?

I don't buy it. I reject the premise. To the extent kids move out at 18, I would submit that, overwhelmingly, it's because they want to.

I just MUST be MEAN, I "finished raising" 3 of "someone elses" kids..... YES, WE were married, and I made life so "unbearable", that the 2 older girls, got boy friends, and got married and moved out .....

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

When my kids were like 15-16, we told them that when they graduated high school, they had to go to college, get a job, join the service, or whatever...they weren't going to lay around the house doing nothing. Fast forward to the night when my oldest graduated high school: We were heading to the restaurant for an after graduation celebration when I asked him if he remembered that little speech. He said: "Yes dad". Dad says: "That starts tomorrow". Now fast forward to today--he's going to college part time, working part time, so I really can't complain a whole lot. My youngest is working full time but he really needs to be thinking of a better paying career.

 

[w_ADAM_d88]

My parents bought me luggage for my 18th birthday. I turned out alright... I'm now going on 25 and my truck is paid off, I'm married, own my own house, am supervisor of my dept at work, have 1 payment left on a student loan, and live 750 miles away from my parents. Love them both to death and thank them for raising me the way they did.