June 15 (Bloomberg) -- rock star Bono is playing Beijing. Chinese officials seem anything but amused. Communist Party bigwigs expecting to hear “Vertigo” and “I Will Follow” from the U2 frontman are getting an earful about debt relief. Only, they aren’t inclined to follow the curious Irishman with the tinted glasses. Not with him asking China to forgive the U.S.’s debt.
“Come on, gents, get real. The U.S. is bankrupt, out of Benjamins,” Bono tells a visibly shocked Hu Jintao. “It’s cool to be charitable to the downtrodden and you have trillions in currency reserves. Just ask that Confucius cat.”
The Chinese president eyes Bono’s anti-poverty soul mate Jeffrey Sachs for some hint that it was all a bizarre joke. Nope. After years of fighting for African debt relief, Bono has found an unlikely new cause: America.
Hu quickly considers the size of the megaphone Bono might use -- concert stages, CNN, MTV -- to make China look bad. Greedy, even. How can this be? The nerve of this guy! It’s not as if he sings like Frank Sinatra or Canto-pop legend Roman Tam!
“Your idea is a fascinating one,” Hu says, dripping with faux diplomacy. “But I do not see China, home to many poor people, in a position to bail out a far richer economy. It’s my understanding that capitalism doesn’t work that way.”
Trust Me, Prez
Bono turns on the charm. “You know, Mr. President, I’m only a pop star who has sold a few records. But I am the only human who has been nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, Grammy and a Nobel Peace Prize. Trust me Prez, on this, I know what I’m talking about.”
Hu’s blood is boiling like it did during the torch-relay fiasco during the 2008 Olympics. This Bono guy sure can write a pop ditty, Hu reckons. He should leave the policy making to us world leaders.
Then again, Hu thinks, the once high and mighty U.S. is a mess. Enron, Lehman Brothers, AIG, General Motors. Some cradle of capitalism. More like the cradle of cronyism. In China, we’ve long since dropped that Karl Marx stuff. Even Beijing, where Chairman Mao Zedong’s portrait hangs over the city, has its own stock market. The cadres have swapped Mao jackets for Armani.
Some superpower. America built this massive house on the foundation of Milton Friedman and his fellow market fundamentalists. Now we hold the mortgage -- almost $800 billion worth of U.S. Treasuries that are losing value by the day. Talk about a subprime investment.
Ponzi Scheme
Forget Bernard Madoff and his $65 billion fraud, Hu thinks. I’m on the hook for 12 times that, and party members are getting worried. I like that Timothy Geithner. Nice to have a Treasury secretary who speaks a bit of Mandarin and flies to China to stroke me. It’s not good enough. America is running a Ponzi scheme the likes of which Madoff couldn’t fathom.
I mean what is with this new U.S. model? Average Americans lend money to banks so that bankers can lend it back to average Americans at a profit. And they call us communists.
Still, it’s nice to get all that human-rights stuff off the radar screen. Barack Obama needs our money more than the U.S. president needs to mess with our internal affairs. If not for our financial leverage, folks in Washington would have gone ballistic over our mandatory Internet filtering software.
“I’m sure you know, President Hu, that American poverty is rising and the ranks of the homeless are increasing,” Bono interjects. “Soon it won’t be able to pay for education and health care. Surely you agree, America’s hands are full. China and Japan have the power. You can relieve the U.S.’s debts.”
Full Hands
Like mine aren’t full, Hu thinks. I mean, you try convincing the global media -- as I have, thanks very much! -- that our stimulus efforts would save the world. Nor is Kim Jong- Il making my life easy over in North Korea. Nuclear tests, missile launches, imprisoning two U.S. female journalists for 12 years, you name it.
Now the world thinks I can pick up the Bat Phone and browbeat Kim into submission -- make him bow to the UN Security Council. As if! I really must have a chat with that guy.
And then there’s the dollar problem. It’s not like we can dump all those Treasuries. Once the Japanese and Koreans get wind of our intentions to do that, they too will sell. Our dollars will be worthless, especially if the U.S. loses its AAA credit rating.
Bono then turns the conversation up to 11. “I should add that Bob Geldof is on board here,” Bono says. “The creator of ‘Live Aid’ is all for some U.S. debt relief. He despises this idea of America being exploited by debt holders.”
Hu’s steely gaze gives way to a smile as he ponders how to say no. “Thanks for stopping by, Bono. I suspect that when you leave Beijing, you will remember this as one of those times when you still haven’t found what you’re looking for.”
Source...
Bono?s China Fantasy Tour Seeks U.S. Debt Relief: William Pesek - Bloomberg.com
“Come on, gents, get real. The U.S. is bankrupt, out of Benjamins,” Bono tells a visibly shocked Hu Jintao. “It’s cool to be charitable to the downtrodden and you have trillions in currency reserves. Just ask that Confucius cat.”
The Chinese president eyes Bono’s anti-poverty soul mate Jeffrey Sachs for some hint that it was all a bizarre joke. Nope. After years of fighting for African debt relief, Bono has found an unlikely new cause: America.
Hu quickly considers the size of the megaphone Bono might use -- concert stages, CNN, MTV -- to make China look bad. Greedy, even. How can this be? The nerve of this guy! It’s not as if he sings like Frank Sinatra or Canto-pop legend Roman Tam!
“Your idea is a fascinating one,” Hu says, dripping with faux diplomacy. “But I do not see China, home to many poor people, in a position to bail out a far richer economy. It’s my understanding that capitalism doesn’t work that way.”
Trust Me, Prez
Bono turns on the charm. “You know, Mr. President, I’m only a pop star who has sold a few records. But I am the only human who has been nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, Grammy and a Nobel Peace Prize. Trust me Prez, on this, I know what I’m talking about.”
Hu’s blood is boiling like it did during the torch-relay fiasco during the 2008 Olympics. This Bono guy sure can write a pop ditty, Hu reckons. He should leave the policy making to us world leaders.
Then again, Hu thinks, the once high and mighty U.S. is a mess. Enron, Lehman Brothers, AIG, General Motors. Some cradle of capitalism. More like the cradle of cronyism. In China, we’ve long since dropped that Karl Marx stuff. Even Beijing, where Chairman Mao Zedong’s portrait hangs over the city, has its own stock market. The cadres have swapped Mao jackets for Armani.
Some superpower. America built this massive house on the foundation of Milton Friedman and his fellow market fundamentalists. Now we hold the mortgage -- almost $800 billion worth of U.S. Treasuries that are losing value by the day. Talk about a subprime investment.
Ponzi Scheme
Forget Bernard Madoff and his $65 billion fraud, Hu thinks. I’m on the hook for 12 times that, and party members are getting worried. I like that Timothy Geithner. Nice to have a Treasury secretary who speaks a bit of Mandarin and flies to China to stroke me. It’s not good enough. America is running a Ponzi scheme the likes of which Madoff couldn’t fathom.
I mean what is with this new U.S. model? Average Americans lend money to banks so that bankers can lend it back to average Americans at a profit. And they call us communists.
Still, it’s nice to get all that human-rights stuff off the radar screen. Barack Obama needs our money more than the U.S. president needs to mess with our internal affairs. If not for our financial leverage, folks in Washington would have gone ballistic over our mandatory Internet filtering software.
“I’m sure you know, President Hu, that American poverty is rising and the ranks of the homeless are increasing,” Bono interjects. “Soon it won’t be able to pay for education and health care. Surely you agree, America’s hands are full. China and Japan have the power. You can relieve the U.S.’s debts.”
Full Hands
Like mine aren’t full, Hu thinks. I mean, you try convincing the global media -- as I have, thanks very much! -- that our stimulus efforts would save the world. Nor is Kim Jong- Il making my life easy over in North Korea. Nuclear tests, missile launches, imprisoning two U.S. female journalists for 12 years, you name it.
Now the world thinks I can pick up the Bat Phone and browbeat Kim into submission -- make him bow to the UN Security Council. As if! I really must have a chat with that guy.
And then there’s the dollar problem. It’s not like we can dump all those Treasuries. Once the Japanese and Koreans get wind of our intentions to do that, they too will sell. Our dollars will be worthless, especially if the U.S. loses its AAA credit rating.
Bono then turns the conversation up to 11. “I should add that Bob Geldof is on board here,” Bono says. “The creator of ‘Live Aid’ is all for some U.S. debt relief. He despises this idea of America being exploited by debt holders.”
Hu’s steely gaze gives way to a smile as he ponders how to say no. “Thanks for stopping by, Bono. I suspect that when you leave Beijing, you will remember this as one of those times when you still haven’t found what you’re looking for.”
Source...
Bono?s China Fantasy Tour Seeks U.S. Debt Relief: William Pesek - Bloomberg.com
