My neighbor is abusing his wife

[Hoosierdood]

This morning I was inside the house doing some last minute checking INGO before going outside to put away the swimming pool (Intex type) and then mow the grass. My wife was taking the kids on a bike ride to the park. Suddenly, my wife comes running through the front door yelling my name. I'm thinking "oh great, what did I do?" She says she sees my neighbor smack his wife in the face then take a running shove and she went flying and landed on her back.

Side note: neighbor is a 60 something OTR truck driver, about 6'1", and is rarely home. When he is home, he is working on his truck in the driveway. The wife is a sweet lady, maybe all of 5'3". I have heard him talk to her in ways I would be embarrassed to talk to a dog, but I have never seen physical violence. We hardly ever have any kind of conversation with them other than a wave and nod.

So I jump up and head outside to find out that Wife has gone inside the house, and Husband is back to working on his truck. Now, I didn't personally witness this, but my wife and 3 kids did. I thought about calling the cops, but didn't know if they could do anything just based on my wife's word.

My wife leaves with the kids, and I go to the back yard to put up the pool. After about 45 minutes, I see Wife come out to the back porch. I head over to the fence and call her over. I asked if she was alright and that my wife saw what happened. She started to cry. I asked if she needed any help and she said "not right now." I asked if she wanted me to call the cops and she said no. I told her if I ever see it again, I will call the cops. I also told her that if she ever needs anything, that my house is always safe.

I went back to my work, then to mowing the grass. As I'm finishing up the yard, I see Husband sitting in his truck watching me. As I'm putting the mower away, he walks over and I said hi. He says "In the near future if you got something to say, you come to the front door like a man!" I say "In the near future if I see you hit your wife..." he interrupted me there and said he didn't hit his wife. I told him my wife saw him. He says he pushed her and she tripped. I said "In the near future if you push your wife and she trips, I'll be on the phone to the cops" He says "You do what you gotta do and I'll do what I gotta do." He starts to walk away and turns around once he gets to his driveway.

Him: It's pretty G** D*** s***y to sneak around the back to talk to her. Thats just f***ing low down sneaky.
Me: Sneaky? To ask her how she's doing?
Him: Sneaking around the back of the house so you wouldnt have to talk to me.
Me: I don't care about you. I wanted to make sure she was alright.
Him: It sure looked like you was sneakin around.
Me: I was working in the back yard and she came out. That was my opportunity.
Him: Well next time you come to the f***ing front door like a f***ing man.
Me: It has nothing to do with being a man, it has everything to do with making sure she is ok. You want to talk about being a man, how big of a man does it take to shove your wife on the ground? What's that say about you?
Him: Thats between me and her.
Me: Buddy, when my kids and wife are in the front yard and they see it, it stops being between you and her and it starts involving a whole lot of other people.
Him: Well next time you come to the f***ing front door.
Me: If there's a next time the cops will be coming to your front door.


I am so steamed right now. out of all the things that tick me off, men hitting women has to be in the top 3. He says he didn't hit her, but my wife says she saw him. She even heard the smack over the sound of his semi engine. I don't know what else I can do, but I really feel for his wife. I'm sure that if she speaks up, he will lay into her. What would you do INGO?

 

[clt46910]

Call the cops and force the issue. Especially if he talked to me like that. After the cops left, because she would more then likely not say anything, I would march up to the door and inform him I was being a man and telling him I would be sitting outside listening and watching every move he made.

 

[Bunnykid68]

I think you handled it well. Not sure what else to add other than obviously keep an eye out when you are around. By all means sneak around and talk to the wife further if you can, who knows, maybe you can help her.

Then again maybe she hit him first and he just retaliated. Tough situation to be in buddy.

 

[femurphy77]

It's obvious he's not afraid of you hoosierdood, after all he's a real man, pushing around women that are defenseless against such a manly specimen! Be sure and wave at him while he sits in his truck and stares at you.


The trouble with dirtbags like that is that they'll be the ones sneaking around in the night messing with you stuff. Might not be a bad idea to talk to the cops so that they are aware of the situation just in case it escalates, that way there is a paper trail.

I had a neighbor go postal on me when I bought a house shortly after my divorce. The guy overreacted to something the prior owner had done to him and for some reason hadn't noticed the for sale sign, sold sign or new faces in the house. He chilled but I decided to make a report just for future reference. Turns out he was the best guy in the 'hood once you got to know him.

 

[misconfig]

Just go over there "knock on the front door like a man" grab him with the Mauy Thai neck hold and roll him over in the front yard.

 

[Bunnykid68]

Just go over there "knock on the front door like a man" grab him with the Mauy Thai neck hold and roll him over in the front yard.

Yes...this

 

[lovemachine]

My only question is, were you OCing?

 

[ruger1800]

 

[Hoosierdood]

My only question is, were you OCing?

As a matter of fact, I was. I always OC, even when I mow the grass.

 

[revolvers&w]

Against her wishes??

I think I would have had to get the police involved.
I know that there are as many pros as there are cons but when you get right down to it she may need protection.
I would call the police at the very least the record of his behavior will be established.
I would include his conversation with you in the report , this to will establish a record of his actions toward you should hostilities escalate between you and him.

Above all keep your family safe and aware of his presence when he is not on the road.

This is a tough one but I think I would rather be known as the neighbor who got involved when he shouldn't as opposed to the guy who did nothing when a phone call could prevent a tragety.

 

[Suprtek]

If someone calls them out or takes any action, losers like this tend to take it out on their victims behind closed doors. That's one of the main reasons it can be difficult to know what to do in a situation like this. Personally I don't think I could actually witness physical abuse against someone not capable of defending themselves without intervening. But like I said, even if he gets put down and submits to a third party, what's gonna happen when they go back inside? I obviously don't know anything about this situation for certain but based on the fact that you've heard him verbally abusing her in the past, I seriously doubt this is his first incident of physical abuse. That being the case, the unfortunate truth is that his wife has more power than anyone to end this problem. I can't claim to know what its like to be a woman in an abusive relationship, but there sure seems to be a lot of cases where they refuse to leave their abusers. As long as she refuses to do anything about it, nothing you or anyone else does will fix the problem.

I'm not blaming her for her own problems. The husband is obviously the scumbag here. Its just an unfortunate truth that she must be willing to deal with it before it will end.

 

[Davis0023]

Call the police! Make a report, not to mention when the police go see her if there is evidence ( black eye, red marks, etc) of domestic battery the police do not need her cooperation. All they need is evidence, your wife being the witness is another piece of the puzzle. Hope this helps...or I should say, here my two cents. Any detailed questions feel free to pm me.

 

[Hoosierdood]

If someone calls them out or takes any action, losers like this tend to take it out on their victims behind closed doors. That's one of the main reasons it can be difficult to know what to do in a situation like this. Personally I don't think I could actually witness physical abuse against someone not capable of defending themselves without intervening. But like I said, even if he gets put down and submits to a third party, what's gonna happen when they go back inside? I obviously don't know anything about this situation for certain but based on the fact that you've heard him verbally abusing her in the past, I seriously doubt this is his first incident of physical abuse. That being the case, the unfortunate truth is that his wife has more power than anyone to end this problem. I can't claim to know what its like to be a woman in an abusive relationship, but there sure seems to be a lot of cases where they refuse to leave their abusers. As long as she refuses to do anything about it, nothing you or anyone else does will fix the problem.

I'm not blaming her for her own problems. The husband is obviously the scumbag here. Its just an unfortunate truth that she must be willing to deal with it before it will end.

This is exactly what was going through my head. By the time I got outside, it was over between them. Had I actually witnessed it, I would have immediately stepped in. I am worried what he may do to her if i actually do get involved. It's a tough spot to be in.

 

[sgreen3]

This might be one case were a anonymous call to LEO may be the best help you could give. Good luck bud, thats a tough situation to be in

 

[Black_Wolf]

Have your wife call the police and tell them what she saw.

She was the witness and whatever you know is hearsay.

I used to own a townhouse and had a neighbor that smacked around his wife.

One night he popped her, I heard it, so did my ex. The wife starts crying and he tells her to STFU yelling and then it got real quiet. I got pissed, got out of bed and called the police.

My neighbor the abuser just happened to be a local LEO. I called the police anyways.

They came over, talked to him and it was quiet the rest of the night.

Next day ( a saturday ) the wife came over and thanked me and the ex for reporting it and said she was moving out and decided to start divorce proceedings.

Never saw her again and a month later he moved out as well.

I would see him on duty in his squad after that sometimes, but never had any problems with him.

Abusers of any kind to woman children or animals need their asses kicked and a steel toe stomped in their mouth.

Doesn't matter what line of profession they hold.

Let the police rattle this guys cage a little bit and see where it goes?

Good luck.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

Oh, man, I sympathize with you. Domestic abuse is an abyss of suck, and the people that engage in it are often clever enough to get away with making everyone in the picture regret being there, and there you are. Just keep doing what's right, man, wish I could help you with that.

 

[Scutter01]

This is exactly what was going through my head. By the time I got outside, it was over between them. Had I actually witnessed it, I would have immediately stepped in. I am worried what he may do to her if i actually do get involved. It's a tough spot to be in.

I would not recommend getting involved in any domestic violence situation. Unless her life is in immediate and imminent danger, it's MUCH better to be a good witness and call the police. It can VERY QUICKLY go from her vs. him to both of them vs. you, and when the cops eventually show up, it'll be you going to jail. Not even cops like to get involved in DD's for exactly that reason.

 

[Darral27]

It sucks that your wife and kid had to see something like that. Good time to teach a lesson to your kids about how horrible domestic violence is. It would be a tough situation to be in because you have to live next door to them but I think I would have called the cops. I am sure it is not the first time something like this has happened and probably will not be the last but if you called that may at the very least teach him to keep it behind closed doors. Bad situation to be in and I feel for you and your family. If your children can learn from it that would be something good coming out of the situation.

 

[7.62-5.56Plinker]

wow! kinda sounds like the people across the road. ive called the cops on him before. hes a D-Bag punk who likes to hit women and children. quite the Pu**y if you ask me.

 

[cobber]

Have your wife call the police and tell them what she saw.

She was the witness and whatever you know is hearsay.

I used to own a townhouse and had a neighbor that smacked around his wife.

One night he popped her, I heard it, so did my ex. The wife starts crying and he tells her to STFU yelling and then it got real quiet. I got pissed, got out of bed and called the police.

My neighbor the abuser just happened to be a local LEO. I called the police anyways.

They came over, talked to him and it was quiet the rest of the night.

Next day ( a saturday ) the wife came over and thanked me and the ex for reporting it and said she was moving out and decided to start divorce proceedings.

Never saw her again and a month later he moved out as well.

I would see him on duty in his squad after that sometimes, but never had any problems with him.

Abusers of any kind to woman children or animals need their asses kicked and a steel toe stomped in their mouth.

Doesn't matter what line of profession they hold.

Let the police rattle this guys cage a little bit and see where it goes?

Good luck.

After that he's still an officer? That seems wrong.

Definitely OP needs to make a report in the present case. You will regret it if you don't. Even if he never touches her again. And I would not worry about him retaliating, whether you OC or not. Like others observed, he's basically a loudmouth coward.