Those funny moments when you realize that you just screwed up, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it.

[Sigblaster]

Please, just funny stories here, nothing tragic.

Fort Campbell, around 1987 or so. Riding around in a UH-60 Black Hawk helo, doors open of course, doing infantry stuff and taking pictures with my Kodak Disc camera, which was small and light and easy to use. I swap out the film cartridge, put the camera back ito its plastic bag, and go to tuck the camera into my top BDU pocket where it usually lives. Except, instead of sliding it into my pocket, I absentmindedly slid it down the outside of my pocket and dropped it. One bounce on the floor, and straight out the door of the helo.

No way to recover from that.

I'm just glad I had swapped the cartridge before it happend, because I got some really cool helo pics before it went falling into the woods somewhere on the base.

 

[Sigblaster]

Come on, nobody else has stories like this?

Ok, I'll share another one. Back in the early 80s, when I was in college, I worked construction in the summers to earn money for college semesters in the fall and spring. Me and a guy I knew would pack up our collection of tools and ladders and go out and find work. Sometimes for contractors, sometimes we'd just find houses that just looked like they needed paint and offer to do it cheap. We'd paint 2 houses a week like that, 1500 a house above expenses, and do an excellent job, and we'd split 3 grand a week. Good tuition money, with a good amount of party money.

When you do this kind of work, and do it well, you sometimes get smaller projects too. Word of mouth travels fast. Like there was this one project, when someone asked us if we could put down new linoleum in his kitchen. It was a narrow kitchen, and he made it clear that he knew we could do it without having a seam in the floor, which was correct. We could do it, no problem. Narrow galley style kitchen. Quote a price, new lino, new baseboards, no seam. Good profit.

Except... The guy I ran around around with doing this work, we'll call him Rick, because that's the alias I knew him by at the time (I still don't know his real name) had this really old, crappy circular saw. The blade guard would get stuck every time he used it to cut something. He would either have to push the blade guard down manually, or wait for the blade to stop spinning before he set it down. I told him how stupid and dangerous this was. I told him that with the motor on one side, and no blade guard down, a saw will typically hit the floor, spin, then run right up your leg and cause some real problems.

Well, that's not what happened. What did happen was, we had laid the linoleum, and were cutting the new baseboards. Him with with his junk saw, me with my nice Craftsman saw that functioned correctly. He sometimes grabbed my saw because it was closer, and made cuts. Well, he used his saw one time to make a cut, and must have thought it was his saw. He set it down, stuck blade guard, running full bore. It didn't run up his leg. It ran right across the floor, leaving a a big gouge in the lino we had just laid, and jumped up and went through the kitchen window.

So, that was it. Can't fix it, just start over. New batch of lino, new wndow glass, and thankfully, most of the new baseboards could be saved. We made about 12 bucks a piece for 2 days work. But we did get great word of mouth jobs for the final product.

 

[d.kaufman]

This one is related to food. Happened about 2 weeks ago.
Making French toast and bacon for dinner. I always sprinkle cinnamon on the toast after laying it on the griddle.
Get done cooking and everyone starts eating. We all look at each other like wtf, the French toast doesn't taste right. Apparently I grabbed the cumin instead of the cinnamon....

 

[Nazgul]

At work one day several years ago. Quitting time I decided to stop at a gun store on the way home. Had my purchase in a bag when I left, can't remember what it was. They had a soda machine outside the door and I wanted one for the long drive home. It was about to rain, you know those kind where it will be a downpour with thunder/lightning just winding up to let loose. Put 4 quarters in and it spit one back out. Put it back in again same result. Started to rain like h**l, really wanted the soda so kept putting the quarter back in repeatedly. Now I was stubborn pissed. The machine was not going to beat me!! About the time I was soaked with water running out of my shoes I looked and the price was $.75. If I had pushed the button it would have worked......

Don

 

[Frosty]

Got stuck driving a back up truck at work, it is a cab over and a stick shift, no big deal, been driving a stick for years, but this isn’t a ten speed or anything, just a six speed synchronized transmission but reverse is next to first gear, so they made it really stiff to prevent you from going to reverse instead of first, I mean like two hands on the stick pulling hard stiff! So I pull up to a house on a fairly busy road in Hendricks county, get over as far as I can and notice the boom on this truck sticks out farther on the passenger side than my normal truck and I’m inches away from the mailbox, ok, no big deal, get out, drop the can, jump back in, back up a few feet and pull out. Missed reverse, went forward instead and smoked that damn mailbox

 

[04FXSTS]

Many years ago I had a 60 mile drive to and from work. There was a gas station near home that had a air pump that would freeze up when cold 30* or colder. I had an old El Camino with air shocks that needed air about every other day. There was another gas station, don't remember the brand but the same as the one at home. The one near work was a lot handier to fill the shocks but one cold day they put a sign on their air pump so I figured it was also froze up. Had to find another place to stop and fill shocks but still got gas at the origonal stations because they were cheaper. One day I got gas at the one near work and just happened to notice what the sign said. They just asked you to put hose back on the hook, it worked fine. Went through being a dumba** all winter. Jim.

 

[femurphy77]

I've never done anything dumb in my life.


Well ,there was this one time standing in front of a justice of the peace. , , , , ,



Wait, you said nothing tragic.

 

[Leo]

I still kick myself for this, but I took the cheezy tool kit out of my motorcycle to the Snap On truck. I had him match up the tools as close as possible. He had to order a few and I made a couple out of Snap on Wrenches, either by shortening a handle or welding a socket to a hex key. Even bought a Snap On roll up pouch. It was a bunch of money, No more cheezy tools for me.

I must have not attached a side cover properly. I got 100+ miles down the road, and noticed the side cover of my new motorcycle was missing. I back tracked the whole 100 miles and carefully scouted. I did find the deeply scared side cover, and was able to order a new one. The red roll up of top grade tools was gone forever. I still kick myself.

It is said that anything you can fix with money is not trouble, just operating overhead.

 

[Twangbanger]

Has anybody ever fired a centerfire rifle chronograph shot aiming through the scope...before you sighted in the scope?

I have.

 

[El Conquistador]

I am a retired Muncie firefighter, back in the mid 90’s I was assigned to our rescue truck. One of the tasks this rescue did was run county wide on car crashes with entrapment’s. It was a winter day, very cold with a ice storm that rolled through and we were very busy going on potential entrapment’s all day long, we had been out for several hours without coming back to the station going from call to call.
This rescue truck was a single cab with a box on the back without windows only the back door to get into the box to sit. There was room for the driver and officer up front and the third person riding in the back without communication to the people up front. The person riding in the back didn’t know when this rescue stopped if they were on scene or at a stop light. The signal we used was when we set the air brakes it was ok to get off the truck.
Now back to the run that cold winter day, we were responding to a call in the far northwest part of the county way outside the city limits. When we arrived on scene the cars were gone, we were in the middle of nowhere and not a house in sight. The driver was saying that he had to bust though a few snow drifts getting there and we may need to put on the tire chains. After some discussion we decided not to put the chains on and head back to the station. I get in the back and off we go, after about a quarter of a mile we stop and I swear I hear the air brakes set, me thinking they changed their mind on putting the chains on. So I get off the trunk and the truck takes off and makes a right turn at the 4 way stop they had just stopped at. There I stood watching my ride drive away, me with no radio in the middle of no where.
Luckily for me a county police officer showed up that was responding to the same call and gave me a ride back to my fire truck before they got back to the station.
It took me a while to live that one down at the fire house.

 

[HCRMPD1]

This happened just a few days ago. My wife and I stopped at a Speedway gas station to get a couple of drinks. Now a little back story. About two weeks ago we traded in our fire engine red pick up truck for a new Chevrolet Blazer. When my wife came out of the store she walked right over to a red truck and opened the door and tried to hop right in. Imagine the surprise to the gentleman sitting in the red truck. My wife was embarassed to the point of asking me not to tell anyone that story. I told her that I would not tell ANYONE, I would tell EVERYONE.

 

[Hardscrable]

Man I have done so many things that qualify don’t know where to start.

 

[mike45]

My uncle lived in an apartment for 5 years. When he moved to a neighborhood of the same name. The apt. people didn't return his deposit, said after 5 years it was not refundable. He started taking his trash to their dumpsters to recoop his deposit. When his daughter was old enough to drive she did it untill she went to college then his son did it untill he went to college. At that point he thought he was even with them. (8 years) He asked the neighbor who to contact about trash pick up and how much it cost. Neighbor said just set it out on monday they will pick it up, and the cost was included in his HOA dues.

 

[Leo]

This happened just a few days ago. My wife and I stopped at a Speedway gas station to get a couple of drinks. Now a little back story. About two weeks ago we traded in our fire engine red pick up truck for a new Chevrolet Blazer. When my wife came out of the store she walked right over to a red truck and opened the door and tried to hop right in. Imagine the surprise to the gentleman sitting in the red truck. My wife was embarassed to the point of asking me not to tell anyone that story. I told her that I would not tell ANYONE, I would tell EVERYONE.

I experienced the same in a McDonalds parking lot. I was sitting in my grey Mercury and a woman starts yanking my locked door handle, cussing and screaming that I had done bad things with my mother and that she was tired of my excrement. I leaned forward and she saw my face. Then she shrieked and backed up. I have a long grey beard and long hair. The man in the grey Buick next to me was laughing hysterically. He was clean shaven and shiny bald. She got in his car and started hitting him. All I could think was "good luck buddy" as they pulled out.

 

[Timjoebillybob]

This happened just a few days ago. My wife and I stopped at a Speedway gas station to get a couple of drinks. Now a little back story. About two weeks ago we traded in our fire engine red pick up truck for a new Chevrolet Blazer. When my wife came out of the store she walked right over to a red truck and opened the door and tried to hop right in. Imagine the surprise to the gentleman sitting in the red truck. My wife was embarassed to the point of asking me not to tell anyone that story. I told her that I would not tell ANYONE, I would tell EVERYONE.

I did something close. Most of my cars and my wife's have been distinctive enough that it was pretty easy to spot them. My wife got a newish van last year that looked pretty much like everyone that color of around the same year. We went in the store and I had to run back out after a bit because I forgot something. I start walking up to it and start cussing inside my head, there's a pretty hefty scratch on the back quarter. Get up and start pulling on the handle and it won't open it has the keyless entry if you have the fob on you it unlocks automatically when you pull on the handle. I'm like WTF? Then I glance inside... Look around and next aisle over is hers. I'm glad there was nobody inside waiting on someone in the store.

 

[Nazgul]

After the Marines I was working in Western NY, a medium sized town I grew up in. I fixed forklifts on the road and it got really cold in the winter time, like below zero. There was a furniture factory warehouse that used the scrap wood from the factory to heat with and had an old John Deere tractor to move the scraps with. It had broken down in the evening of Christmas Eve when it was around 0 degrees. The local Central Tractor supply had the parts I needed so I went there and bought them.
Walking out of the store I was reading the package to make sure all I needed was in there, opened the door on my 1979 Ford pickup truck and tried putting the key for my company Chevy service truck in the ignition......I drove up to the place in my company truck, but this WAS my Ford truck!! Right seat covers and normal stuff inside, right color, it was mine alright. But how??
Started looking around and my service truck was behind it by a row. Then I looked at the door of the store, my wife and daughter where looking at me laughing. They saw my work truck and stopped to catch me.

Man I was in the Twilight Zone for a minute or two.

Don

 

[churchmouse]

Man I have done so many things that qualify don’t know where to start.

This.

 

[rob63]

I was a teenager... how many stories could start with that?

My buddy was mowing his lawn on their riding lawn mower. For reasons that now escape my memory, I ended up on the thing finishing his yard for him. The catch being that he told me how to get going, but not how to stop it. In retrospect, it seems rather obvious that all I needed to do was the reverse of what I did to get it going. However, remember how this story started.

I found myself headed for the swimming pool. Panic set in. In what seemed like a good idea at the time, I chose to stop by running into the pump and filter equipment instead of going into the water.

The irony, of course, is that if I had simply abandoned ship, it would have stopped anyway. The equipment was knocked completely off the base, hoses ruined, etc. I never found out just exactly what it cost to fix it, but I was pretty sheepish around my buddy's dad after that.

I never got in any trouble for it; my buddy couldn't say the same.

 

[Brandon]

Burned pork chops Christmas morning.

Alarm called and I told them no need for IFD. Didn't hear the phone again as the second smoke detector was going off. Heard them a few minutes later and answered to find they dispatched IFD.

About 7am on the dot here is IFD coming down the street with a hella impressive light display.

 

[tomcat13]