Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • actaeon277

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    Most of my time on USS John Marshall, I was an E-4.
    And when we loaded stores (food and stuff), it was for "E-4 and below".
    And then, right before my last deployment I made E-5.
    I was more happy about no longer having to load stores than about the $$$

    And then my last deployment comes up.
    Announcement on the 1MC (Shipwide Announcing System).. "All hand E-5 and below, muster topside to load stores."

    AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
    What the F?
    I got gypped.




    AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
     

    KellyinAvon

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    Glad this thread got bumped. Coming soon: closing the satellite tracking site on a mountain top outside Taegu, ROK.
     

    repeter1977

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    I crapped in Saddam Hussein’s toilet. I have hand towels to prove it.

    There’s a lot more behind this story but that is the short version. Haha!
    Those toilets couldn't handle American diets, nor toilet paper, so we weren't supposed to use them for loads, because plumbing sucked. Despite living in one of the Hussein lodging we still had Porta Johns outside the building. Thankfully it was tough enough against rocket and mortar fire, well, except the windows.
     

    KellyinAvon

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    Glad this thread got bumped. Coming soon: closing the satellite tracking site on a mountain top outside Taegu, ROK.
    Satellite tracking site outside Taegu (now Daegu) ROK:

    Choejeongsan Mountain was outside Taegu and about a 45 drive from K2 Air Base. A few years back I was flipping channels and landed on a track and field meet in Daegu, ROK. Huge stadium in a valley. When I looked at the mountain in the background, I knew I'd seen in before. In 1993 there was nothing but rice paddies between the city and the mountain.

    I can see why they put the site up there, it was above the clouds when you got to the top. 14 percent grade, hair-pin turns with big mirrors so you could see if you were going to meet someone. We were using GMC 1.5 ton straight trucks (please they were GMC 3500 1-ton trucks with stake beds. Some civilian at Robins AFB, Ga didn't know the difference between a 1 ton and a 1.5 ton truck.)

    First time (of 12 trips) up the mountain, I pointed out the cattle crossing entering the site. My boss (crusty MSgt from North Carolina) didn't believe me. Then I pointed out the cow patty, then I pointed out the Holsteins up the road. There was a dairy farm up there too.

    Going up with empty trucks wasn't a big deal. Coming down 14 percent grade with a loaded truck, three-speed automatic and regular brakes was a challenge. At the bottom of the mountain there was about a 200 yard straight shot, then the road T'd and you'd drop about 10 feet into the rice paddy if you had no brakes. I saw a Hyundai that didn't have brakes that took the plunge.

    Bail out or ride it out? You had 200 yards to decide.
     

    actaeon277

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    I drove a truck onto one of the sub piers at Norfolk to pick up documents for shredding.
    I thought I was going to ride the truck off the end.
    I was STANDING on the brake, using the steering wheel to give me leverage to push harder on the brake.
    Stationed on a sub, and I thought it was going to end on a damn truck.
     

    KellyinAvon

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    I drove a truck onto one of the sub piers at Norfolk to pick up documents for shredding.
    I thought I was going to ride the truck off the end.
    I was STANDING on the brake, using the steering wheel to give me leverage to push harder on the brake.
    Stationed on a sub, and I thought it was going to end on a damn truck.
    Norfolk! A lot of Norfolk ends in Chesapeake Bay.
     

    Nazgul

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    Near the big river.
    How about liberty port stories??

    There was a time in my misspent youth we were in Naples. The brass always made a point to tell us what was out of bounds, which was right where we headed. In a dive bar on a narrow street across from a house of ill repute. I was with another Marine , heard a commotion only to see him jump off a balcony wearing only his cowboy boots. Seems he was fully engaged and a guy walked in. Afraid of being robbed he exited quickly. Followed by a fast run out of the area with the Carabinieri shouting at us, with a quick stop in a dark doorway to put his clothes back on.

    Exhilarating run back to fleet landing.

    Don
     

    actaeon277

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    243173386_10224260605135256_1152195692580256550_n.jpg
     
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