Got this in an email from a fellow conservative friend, enjoy.
Please note that these aren't necessarily my views, but a few of these made me laugh, thought I'd share them.
Things to do instead of watching the presidential inauguration.
1.Clean your gun.
2.Go shopping at your local whole foods store, visit your local coffeehouse, etc. All the liberals will be busy. No lines!!!
3.Go slap McCain-Palin stickers over all the Obama '08 bumperstickers.
People will be too busy listening to the Obamamessiah...and the cops
just won't care.
4.Go hang the ten commandments back up in schools. Nobody will be there to stop you.
5.If you're glaring white, take a walk through Compton. It may be the only time you can ever do so unnoticed.
6.Have angry sex.
7.Watch all those old Tivos of Robot Chicken.
8.Read the Constitution. Kiss those of your rights Obama deems unnecessary goodbye.
9.Go outside, stand in the middle of the road, fart as loud as you want to.
Nobody will hear you. If they do, they will assume it's the windbag blathering on their TV sets.
10.Make a list of all the third world countries the $170,000,000 being spent on this dog and pony show
inauguration ceremony could feed.
11.If you live in California or one of the other states not getting a tax return, frame your last one, hang it on the wall. You won't be seeing another one anytime soon.
12.Reserve the right to be pissed off that you are not getting a dime while $170,000,000 is being spent on that egoist. What about spreading the
wealth around?
13.Look up info on the Presidents who decided to forego huge ceremonial inaugurations because their country was at war
or facing hard times. Take a look at what true patriots look like.
14.Go to the movie theater and watch Gran Torino. Hell, watch anything.
15.Drink some Kool-aid...just make sure it's not government-issue.
16.Write a nice 'Thank You' note to Bush for keeping your fat, lazy ass safe for eight years.
17.Take Ann Coulter out on a date. She's probably not doing anything.
18.Go to church and pray the rosary...one bead for every dollar spent on this ridiculous party.
19.Burn your old Bruce Springsteen albums, tapes, and CDs. Have a neighborhood bonfire. Invite your neighbors to bring their Dixie Chicks and Green Day.
20.Begin planning your million woman march. A woman has never been president...so women are now the truly oppressed.
21.Watch the Kenya video over and over again while wishing Obama would have stayed there.
22.Play 'Botox the bimbo' with Katie Couric's photo on your dartboard. To make the game more realistic, throw actual needles.
23.Go to Washington, put a bucket under Jesse Jackson's chin. Collect the tears to replenish dried riverbeds in Africa.
24.Make it a drinking game. Every time the newscasters covering the event or Obama use the word 'change' - take a drink. By the end, you won't care if it's Obama or Al Franken taking the oath of office.
25.Go decorate NARAL offices with 'Jesus Loves You' signs.
26.Go put 'Obama: The Inauguration' coffee table photo book on order at the bookstores before it's even made (because you know it WILL be made).
Put all the copies on Ebay, watch the 'CHANGE!' zombies swarm.
27.Make some money from misfortune. Sell Obama t-shirts.
28.Watch the 'Yes We Can' video in slo-mo and see if you can see Scarlett Johansson's nipples.
29.Play the 'Yes We Can' song backwards and look for the subliminal messages. They've got to be there somewhere.
30.Draft your resignation letter to your boss. Soon we will be a socialist regime. Why work harder? Work smarter. That means being lazier, damn
you.
31.Prank call McCain's office and tell him there was a mistake with the vote count and he needs to prepare to fly to
Washington, immediately.
32.Buy stock in Kleenex...because there
will be a lot of people crying at the inauguration...and a lot of
people crying when 'change' robs them blind.
33.Hook up
hydraulic power lines to Reagan's grave...because he's going to be
turning in it the next 4-8 years, might as well let him power Los
Angeles.
34.Start writing protest songs and songs of oppression. Dream of the moment when you can get up on stage and say, "I'm
embarrassed Obama came from Hawaii...or Chicago...or Kenya...or wherever the hell he came from!" while on stage in France.
35.Drive to Hollywood and reenact the 'Where did everybody go?' Arby's commercial in the vacant streets.
36.Sneak into a bookstore and switch the jackets of The Audacity of Hope with those of Ann Coulter's Godless. Take the copies of Godless covered with Audacity of Hope jackets and sell them at the inauguration. More senseless profiteering, but a hell of a lot more fun!
37.Go hunting Caribou from a helicopter.
38.Visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and actually give a damn, instead of doing things for show.
39.Catch your flight to leave the country for the next four years.
40.Upgrade to a high definition television so you can have the satisfaction of counting Joe Biden's hair plugs.
41.Actually go to work, unlike all the whackjobs calling in to watch the inauguration.
42.Send Hillary Clinton a sympathy wreath.
43.Complain to every media outlet in existance that there just wasn't enough coverage of the inauguration.
44.Call up your most liberal friend and bug them while they're trying to watch
the events on TV. Get them riled up by telling them the Obama-mania resembles 1984 far more than anything during the Bush administration.
45.Go to D.C. and stand downwind from the festivities, maybe you'll catch a contact buzz when they start passing the peace and change bong.
46.Calculate the probability of a large asteroid hitting D.C. and wiping out the liberal population. It's probably unlikely, but it will consume enough
time to forget what's going on anyway.
47.When everyone at theinauguration starts holding hands and chanting songs of peace, walk amongst them singing 'Chain of Fools'
48.Build that bullet proof panic room in your house you've been thinking about. Where Sarah Palin only saw Russia from her house, you might be seeing Russia and the Taliban in your living room soon.
49.Put all your currency in scrapbooks and prepare for the new-issue Reverand Wright dollars with the motto 'God damn America'.
50.Make your own history and commit suicide by choking on a tacky Obama commemmorative coin. Be the first (and not the last) to die from
Obama's "change".
51.Annoyingly remind anyone that says, "...the first black man in office..." that Obama is only 50% black.
52.Place bets on when Obama will end up on Oprah's sh*t list next to James Frey and that Holocaust survivor who lied about his love story when it
becomes apparent his change is B.S.
53.Go have your "It's because I'm white" t-shirts printed up.
54.Visit your nearest McDonald's. Order some fries. Check your bag. If they got your order right, announce loudly, "For the first time in my adult
life, I am proud of McDonald's!"
55.Go out for dinner, when it's time to leave a tip, split it amongst the wait staff explaining that it's part of Obama's new socialist regime. Spread the wealth around a little.
56.Steal abortion brochures. Hand them out to women you see in their 2nd trimester. Let them know that according to Obama, it's
not too late...they shouldn't be punished with that baby.
57.Take a vacation to that new resort they're opening...What's it called again? Guantanamo Bay?
58.Go pry the tracking devices off the ankles of your local sex offenders. Tell them you have been sent from The Savior to free them. Tell them to
go in peace and not rape children. Trust them.
59.Ask groups of liberals drooling in front of the TV if they can spare a second to help you save Darfur. Tell them for each person who points it out on a map,you will donate a hundred dollars to the cause. Laugh when they can't do it.
60.Hang around convincing inauguration attendees that such a large group of people concentrated in one area creating such a
large carbon monoxide cloud can be detrimental to our environment. Call them heartless, tree-haters when they ignore you.
61.Yawn during Obama's speech and declare loudly that Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech was much, much better.
62.Run nto a place where everyone is watching the events on TV and shout, Did he see it yet? Did he see his shadow? Or are we in for another
year of liberal B.S?"
63.Put the inauguration on mute on your TV. Play one of Hitler's speeches to the demagoguery on the screen. Practice your best evil laugh.
64.Tally the cost of Michelle Obama's wardrobe for the inauguration and then bitch about it to anyone that will listen. Compare it to the cost of Sarah Palin's entire wardrobe for her election run.
65.Stage a protest, chanting the most inane, nonsensical rhymes you can think of....like, "Barack lied,change died!" or, "1,2,3,4....We don't want your long-winded bore!", or "Keep your thesis off my Jesus!"
66.Watch it. You just want to see if Obama's hand becomes engulfed in flames when he actually touches a bible.
67.Use this as fodder for the next job interview you go on where you are not qualified for the job..."Why do I think I can do this job? You see,
there was this kid named Barack Obama..." When they don't hire you, call them racist. Retreat.
68.Write letters to your congressman complaining that Bush's going-away party wasn't big enough. Call your local cable company and ask why they are not playing 'The Story of George W. Bush' repeatedly. Ask why they are not playing Bush's farewell address every hour? While you're at it, tell them to cancel that gay channel you got bundled with your cable and don't want.
69.Hack into your local wildlife preservation society and natural history museum's computers and put the NAACP on the extinct list. Make sure you
include the words 'Mission Accomplished'.
70.Start a branch of NAARP...for the Republicans...because they need affirmative action programs more. Just ask the ones in Hollywood, the Friends of Abe, who get blacklisted because of their politics and can't get a job.
71.Browse Facebook for new friends since your liberal ones have ditched you. Start a rabid group of Republicans. Heck, start a website with
'underground' in the title. Plan to take over the world.
72.Protest around the inauguration. Wear a bandana over your mouth. Try to get arrested. Jump in front of tear gas bombs. Cry a lot and scream, "But I wasn't doing anything! Police brutality!" When anyone calls you names or decries your politics, tell them they just aren't "open-minded"!
73.Join the inauguration crowd, get them riled up by shouting, "F#$% 'THE MAN'!!!" When they all almost subconsciously start chanting...giggle
until they realize they aren't the underdog anymore and have totallylost their cause. Watch them weep.
74.If you haven't done so already, stock up on guns and ammo before the hammer falls.
75.Go take some photos of your local service members before 'Don't ask, don't tell' is eradicated and their uniforms are ordered to be designed more
"fabulous" to accomodate the fashion sense of everyone.
76.Take your kids to see Mt. Rushmore before Obama orders it destroyed and replaced with his bust and custom seal of self righteousness.
77.Explain to your children that the only true test of presidential worthiness isbeing able to keep rhythm with Ellen DeGeneres.
78.Sneer at your white friends and proclaim, "typical white person" in regards to anything they do. (Hey, I didn't say it, Obama did!)
79.If your name happens to be Britney Spears, go buck wild, child. Nobody will notice a damn thing you do today.
80.Ifyou made it this far, write the other 20 things to do to round out an even 100...because I care as much about finishing this list as I do
about watching this inauguration today.
Anyone have anything they can add to this?
Please note that these aren't necessarily my views, but a few of these made me laugh, thought I'd share them.
Things to do instead of watching the presidential inauguration.
1.Clean your gun.
2.Go shopping at your local whole foods store, visit your local coffeehouse, etc. All the liberals will be busy. No lines!!!
3.Go slap McCain-Palin stickers over all the Obama '08 bumperstickers.
People will be too busy listening to the Obamamessiah...and the cops
just won't care.
4.Go hang the ten commandments back up in schools. Nobody will be there to stop you.
5.If you're glaring white, take a walk through Compton. It may be the only time you can ever do so unnoticed.
6.Have angry sex.
7.Watch all those old Tivos of Robot Chicken.
8.Read the Constitution. Kiss those of your rights Obama deems unnecessary goodbye.
9.Go outside, stand in the middle of the road, fart as loud as you want to.
Nobody will hear you. If they do, they will assume it's the windbag blathering on their TV sets.
10.Make a list of all the third world countries the $170,000,000 being spent on this dog and pony show
inauguration ceremony could feed.
11.If you live in California or one of the other states not getting a tax return, frame your last one, hang it on the wall. You won't be seeing another one anytime soon.
12.Reserve the right to be pissed off that you are not getting a dime while $170,000,000 is being spent on that egoist. What about spreading the
wealth around?
13.Look up info on the Presidents who decided to forego huge ceremonial inaugurations because their country was at war
or facing hard times. Take a look at what true patriots look like.
14.Go to the movie theater and watch Gran Torino. Hell, watch anything.
15.Drink some Kool-aid...just make sure it's not government-issue.
16.Write a nice 'Thank You' note to Bush for keeping your fat, lazy ass safe for eight years.
17.Take Ann Coulter out on a date. She's probably not doing anything.
18.Go to church and pray the rosary...one bead for every dollar spent on this ridiculous party.
19.Burn your old Bruce Springsteen albums, tapes, and CDs. Have a neighborhood bonfire. Invite your neighbors to bring their Dixie Chicks and Green Day.
20.Begin planning your million woman march. A woman has never been president...so women are now the truly oppressed.
21.Watch the Kenya video over and over again while wishing Obama would have stayed there.
22.Play 'Botox the bimbo' with Katie Couric's photo on your dartboard. To make the game more realistic, throw actual needles.
23.Go to Washington, put a bucket under Jesse Jackson's chin. Collect the tears to replenish dried riverbeds in Africa.
24.Make it a drinking game. Every time the newscasters covering the event or Obama use the word 'change' - take a drink. By the end, you won't care if it's Obama or Al Franken taking the oath of office.
25.Go decorate NARAL offices with 'Jesus Loves You' signs.
26.Go put 'Obama: The Inauguration' coffee table photo book on order at the bookstores before it's even made (because you know it WILL be made).
Put all the copies on Ebay, watch the 'CHANGE!' zombies swarm.
27.Make some money from misfortune. Sell Obama t-shirts.
28.Watch the 'Yes We Can' video in slo-mo and see if you can see Scarlett Johansson's nipples.
29.Play the 'Yes We Can' song backwards and look for the subliminal messages. They've got to be there somewhere.
30.Draft your resignation letter to your boss. Soon we will be a socialist regime. Why work harder? Work smarter. That means being lazier, damn
you.
31.Prank call McCain's office and tell him there was a mistake with the vote count and he needs to prepare to fly to
Washington, immediately.
32.Buy stock in Kleenex...because there
will be a lot of people crying at the inauguration...and a lot of
people crying when 'change' robs them blind.
33.Hook up
hydraulic power lines to Reagan's grave...because he's going to be
turning in it the next 4-8 years, might as well let him power Los
Angeles.
34.Start writing protest songs and songs of oppression. Dream of the moment when you can get up on stage and say, "I'm
embarrassed Obama came from Hawaii...or Chicago...or Kenya...or wherever the hell he came from!" while on stage in France.
35.Drive to Hollywood and reenact the 'Where did everybody go?' Arby's commercial in the vacant streets.
36.Sneak into a bookstore and switch the jackets of The Audacity of Hope with those of Ann Coulter's Godless. Take the copies of Godless covered with Audacity of Hope jackets and sell them at the inauguration. More senseless profiteering, but a hell of a lot more fun!
37.Go hunting Caribou from a helicopter.
38.Visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and actually give a damn, instead of doing things for show.
39.Catch your flight to leave the country for the next four years.
40.Upgrade to a high definition television so you can have the satisfaction of counting Joe Biden's hair plugs.
41.Actually go to work, unlike all the whackjobs calling in to watch the inauguration.
42.Send Hillary Clinton a sympathy wreath.
43.Complain to every media outlet in existance that there just wasn't enough coverage of the inauguration.
44.Call up your most liberal friend and bug them while they're trying to watch
the events on TV. Get them riled up by telling them the Obama-mania resembles 1984 far more than anything during the Bush administration.
45.Go to D.C. and stand downwind from the festivities, maybe you'll catch a contact buzz when they start passing the peace and change bong.
46.Calculate the probability of a large asteroid hitting D.C. and wiping out the liberal population. It's probably unlikely, but it will consume enough
time to forget what's going on anyway.
47.When everyone at theinauguration starts holding hands and chanting songs of peace, walk amongst them singing 'Chain of Fools'
48.Build that bullet proof panic room in your house you've been thinking about. Where Sarah Palin only saw Russia from her house, you might be seeing Russia and the Taliban in your living room soon.
49.Put all your currency in scrapbooks and prepare for the new-issue Reverand Wright dollars with the motto 'God damn America'.
50.Make your own history and commit suicide by choking on a tacky Obama commemmorative coin. Be the first (and not the last) to die from
Obama's "change".
51.Annoyingly remind anyone that says, "...the first black man in office..." that Obama is only 50% black.
52.Place bets on when Obama will end up on Oprah's sh*t list next to James Frey and that Holocaust survivor who lied about his love story when it
becomes apparent his change is B.S.
53.Go have your "It's because I'm white" t-shirts printed up.
54.Visit your nearest McDonald's. Order some fries. Check your bag. If they got your order right, announce loudly, "For the first time in my adult
life, I am proud of McDonald's!"
55.Go out for dinner, when it's time to leave a tip, split it amongst the wait staff explaining that it's part of Obama's new socialist regime. Spread the wealth around a little.
56.Steal abortion brochures. Hand them out to women you see in their 2nd trimester. Let them know that according to Obama, it's
not too late...they shouldn't be punished with that baby.
57.Take a vacation to that new resort they're opening...What's it called again? Guantanamo Bay?
58.Go pry the tracking devices off the ankles of your local sex offenders. Tell them you have been sent from The Savior to free them. Tell them to
go in peace and not rape children. Trust them.
59.Ask groups of liberals drooling in front of the TV if they can spare a second to help you save Darfur. Tell them for each person who points it out on a map,you will donate a hundred dollars to the cause. Laugh when they can't do it.
60.Hang around convincing inauguration attendees that such a large group of people concentrated in one area creating such a
large carbon monoxide cloud can be detrimental to our environment. Call them heartless, tree-haters when they ignore you.
61.Yawn during Obama's speech and declare loudly that Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech was much, much better.
62.Run nto a place where everyone is watching the events on TV and shout, Did he see it yet? Did he see his shadow? Or are we in for another
year of liberal B.S?"
63.Put the inauguration on mute on your TV. Play one of Hitler's speeches to the demagoguery on the screen. Practice your best evil laugh.
64.Tally the cost of Michelle Obama's wardrobe for the inauguration and then bitch about it to anyone that will listen. Compare it to the cost of Sarah Palin's entire wardrobe for her election run.
65.Stage a protest, chanting the most inane, nonsensical rhymes you can think of....like, "Barack lied,change died!" or, "1,2,3,4....We don't want your long-winded bore!", or "Keep your thesis off my Jesus!"
66.Watch it. You just want to see if Obama's hand becomes engulfed in flames when he actually touches a bible.
67.Use this as fodder for the next job interview you go on where you are not qualified for the job..."Why do I think I can do this job? You see,
there was this kid named Barack Obama..." When they don't hire you, call them racist. Retreat.
68.Write letters to your congressman complaining that Bush's going-away party wasn't big enough. Call your local cable company and ask why they are not playing 'The Story of George W. Bush' repeatedly. Ask why they are not playing Bush's farewell address every hour? While you're at it, tell them to cancel that gay channel you got bundled with your cable and don't want.
69.Hack into your local wildlife preservation society and natural history museum's computers and put the NAACP on the extinct list. Make sure you
include the words 'Mission Accomplished'.
70.Start a branch of NAARP...for the Republicans...because they need affirmative action programs more. Just ask the ones in Hollywood, the Friends of Abe, who get blacklisted because of their politics and can't get a job.
71.Browse Facebook for new friends since your liberal ones have ditched you. Start a rabid group of Republicans. Heck, start a website with
'underground' in the title. Plan to take over the world.
72.Protest around the inauguration. Wear a bandana over your mouth. Try to get arrested. Jump in front of tear gas bombs. Cry a lot and scream, "But I wasn't doing anything! Police brutality!" When anyone calls you names or decries your politics, tell them they just aren't "open-minded"!
73.Join the inauguration crowd, get them riled up by shouting, "F#$% 'THE MAN'!!!" When they all almost subconsciously start chanting...giggle
until they realize they aren't the underdog anymore and have totallylost their cause. Watch them weep.
74.If you haven't done so already, stock up on guns and ammo before the hammer falls.
75.Go take some photos of your local service members before 'Don't ask, don't tell' is eradicated and their uniforms are ordered to be designed more
"fabulous" to accomodate the fashion sense of everyone.
76.Take your kids to see Mt. Rushmore before Obama orders it destroyed and replaced with his bust and custom seal of self righteousness.
77.Explain to your children that the only true test of presidential worthiness isbeing able to keep rhythm with Ellen DeGeneres.
78.Sneer at your white friends and proclaim, "typical white person" in regards to anything they do. (Hey, I didn't say it, Obama did!)
79.If your name happens to be Britney Spears, go buck wild, child. Nobody will notice a damn thing you do today.
80.Ifyou made it this far, write the other 20 things to do to round out an even 100...because I care as much about finishing this list as I do
about watching this inauguration today.
Anyone have anything they can add to this?
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