Colonoscopy. They're no joke.

[DoggyDaddy]

Yup.
And I’ll just add that prep has not gone all that well.
They told me to take 4 ducolax, drink a bottle of magnesium citrate (horrible, swig a little water right before every gulp) and 2 bottles of mirilax in 2 bottles of Gatorade.
Just not cleaning out very fast, started at 4 yesterday and kind of worried about this. Been a long night.

I wonder why they didn't just give you the regular prep (Movi-Prep)? That stuff works like a champ.

 

[Nazgul]

What everyone has to look forward as we get older. My wife had one some months back and had a plastic gallon bottle of stuff to drink the night before and everything was all right also. Did you get your free picture for friends and family to see?

My older brother said he was using it on their Christmas cards this year!! Can't wait.

Don

 

[ditcherman]

I wonder why they didn't just give you the regular prep (Movi-Prep)? That stuff works like a champ.

This!
Ask for this!

This is my third time, and had the moviprep before.
procedure at 9, got a little sleep.

 

[ditcherman]

Yes I had 2 recently and no the results were not good.
a piece of advice. Get it done. Just do it.

Sorry to hear of your not good results.
Good to see you around here, but maybe not under so much stress?? At least from here. Makes me happy to see you just posting.

My grandfather died of colon cancer in ‘65, before I was born, so people’s thinks it’s a good idea for me to do this, and I guess they’re right.

Getting one of my sons to take me is about the hardest part. Youngest took me last week for a top end job (esophagus stretched) so oldest drew short straw for the gassy one. At least with covid, they don’t make your driver wait in recovery with you, my oldest shared with me that no son wants to see his dad unconscious AND passing gas like a stuck gut on a butchered pig.

 

[doddg]

Sorry to hear of your not good results.
Good to see you around here, but maybe not under so much stress?? At least from here. Makes me happy to see you just posting.

My grandfather died of colon cancer in ‘65, before I was born, so people’s thinks it’s a good idea for me to do this, and I guess they’re right.

Getting one of my sons to take me is about the hardest part. Youngest took me last week for a top end job (esophagus stretched) so oldest drew short straw for the gassy one. At least with covid, they don’t make your driver wait in recovery with you, my oldest shared with me that no son wants to see his dad unconscious AND passing gas like a stuck gut on a butchered pig.

I hear you about your son.
When I had my 1st one done (always the worst, haha!), they wouldn't let me leave until I passed gas & I wasn't.
They had me get up on my elbows & knees with my butt up in the air on they gurney, since gas rises to the highest part evidently.
I felt like an idiot with my wife there to watch the indignities, but we laughed about it.
We were laughing about it all the way home!

Every time the 3-4 medical staff over sitting over by the wall (waiting for their next victim, I'm sure, haha!), I supposed they were laughing at me looking so ridiculous, haha!

I have been able to literally mail mine in through the Post Office the last 2 times: lucky me, haha!

 

[tomcat13]

Doc told me on my 1st one: "You'll never even remember the Procedure & you'll Never Forget the Night Before." He was Correct!

 

[Cameramonkey]

I have been able to literally mail mine in through the Post Office the last 2 times: lucky me, haha!

Just be careful, there is an insurance gotcha with those. I refuse to take the risk because apparently Cologuard has a fairly high false positive rate.

Could Home Test for Colon Cancer Mean a Big Medical Bill to Come?

MONDAY, June 28, 2021 (HealthDay News) -- You decide to take a popular colon cancer screening test that can be performed at home, and it comes back positive. A

consumer.healthday.com

 

[doddg]

Just be careful, there is an insurance gotcha with those. I refuse to take the risk because apparently Cologuard has a fairly high false positive rate.

Could Home Test for Colon Cancer Mean a Big Medical Bill to Come?

MONDAY, June 28, 2021 (HealthDay News) -- You decide to take a popular colon cancer screening test that can be performed at home, and it comes back positive. A

consumer.healthday.com

Oh crap! I hadn't heard about that!

 

[femurphy77]

Just be careful, there is an insurance gotcha with those. I refuse to take the risk because apparently Cologuard has a fairly high false positive rate.

Could Home Test for Colon Cancer Mean a Big Medical Bill to Come?

MONDAY, June 28, 2021 (HealthDay News) -- You decide to take a popular colon cancer screening test that can be performed at home, and it comes back positive. A

consumer.healthday.com

I love their commercials: "False positive and false negative results are possible". HELL, Just send ME your money and I'll throw a dart at the board and give you your results a lot quicker!

 

[femurphy77]

I hear you about your son.
When I had my 1st one done (always the worst, haha!), they wouldn't let me leave until I passed gas & I wasn't.
They had me get up on my elbows & knees with my butt up in the air on they gurney, since gas rises to the highest part evidently.
I felt like an idiot with my wife there to watch the indignities, but we laughed about it.
We were laughing about it all the way home!

Every time the 3-4 medical staff over sitting over by the wall (waiting for their next victim, I'm sure, haha!), I supposed they were laughing at me looking so ridiculous, haha!

I have been able to literally mail mine in through the Post Office the last 2 times: lucky me, haha!

I started blowing farts on my arm. The nurse said "he's feeling well enough, get him out of here!"

 

[grillak]

the last two i had were on my birthday.

it's a shame...i WANTED some action on my bday...not BE the action.

 

[femurphy77]

the last two i had were on my birthday.

it's a shame...i WANTED some action on my bday...not BE the action.

I hope you at least took yourself out for dinner and a few drinks afterwards!

 

[grillak]

I hope you at least took yourself out for dinner and a few drinks afterwards!

yeah...cheap b*****d! went dutch

 

[bmbutch]

I’m due again in 2022, already dreading it.

 

[WebSnyper]

Just be careful, there is an insurance gotcha with those. I refuse to take the risk because apparently Cologuard has a fairly high false positive rate.

Could Home Test for Colon Cancer Mean a Big Medical Bill to Come?

MONDAY, June 28, 2021 (HealthDay News) -- You decide to take a popular colon cancer screening test that can be performed at home, and it comes back positive. A

consumer.healthday.com

Not amazingly surprising. Kind of like going to the Dr for a wellness visit and saying anything about anything that hurts. Dr then codes any kind of diagnosis and the wellness visit gets classified differently with the insurer. Most depends on how the physician's bill gets coded to the insurance.

 

[GregD]

My second one is in three weeks.
Not to happy.

 

[grillak]

My second one is in three weeks.
Not to happy.

the advice from my dr? just grip & grunt.


or maybe that was from thw hobo in the alley

 

[ws6guy]

Yup.
And I’ll just add that prep has not gone all that well.
They told me to take 4 ducolax, drink a bottle of magnesium citrate (horrible, swig a little water right before every gulp) and 2 bottles of mirilax in 2 bottles of Gatorade.
Just not cleaning out very fast, started at 4 yesterday and kind of worried about this. Been a long night.

My 3rd (on a 5 year plan) one is scheduled for next Monday and they have me do the same prep. The past 2 I've been cleared out by bedtime the the night before.

I'm going to call them today to see if insurance is picking up the tab. The last one was covered and I don't think I paid a penny. However this time I'm going in a year early because of some inconsistencies I've been having so this one might be coded differently. Even if I have to pay for this one I figure it's worth it to be sure nothing serious is going on.

Yes I had 2 recently and no the results were not good.
a piece of advice. Get it done. Just do it.

Yep your post help me to decide I might as well go in sooner than later to get checked out again.

 

[yeahbaby]

Yes I had 2 recently and no the results were not good.
a piece of advice. Get it done. Just do it.

Absolutely get it done. The discomfort from the procedure is nothing compared to not getting it done. Then finding out later you are having issues that the procedure would have discovered. Case in point. My former boss was having issues and kept putting off the procedure. Finally went in. They could not get the scope in him due to a large blockage in his colon. Ended up being colon cancer. He has been dealing with this for 2 years now. Went in recently to have a colostomy done. Like CM posted, get it done! Sorry to hear about the results CM.

 

[Magyars]

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.




Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies..

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous.. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me...

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. Take it easy Doc.. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

And the best one of all:
12. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there

Funny!
And they are NO FUN.