INGO: Joke of the day page

The #1 community for Gun Owners in Indiana

Member Benefits:

  • Fewer Ads!
  • Discuss all aspects of firearm ownership
  • Discuss anti-gun legislation
  • Buy, sell, and trade in the classified section
  • Chat with Local gun shops, ranges, trainers & other businesses
  • Discover free outdoor shooting areas
  • View up to date on firearm-related events
  • Share photos & video with other members
  • ...and so much more!
  • nonobaddog

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Mar 10, 2015
    11,794
    113
    Tropical Minnesota
    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
    The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
    The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
    The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
    Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
     
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Mar 9, 2022
    2,171
    113
    Bloomington
    Reminded me of this one I heard once:

    Once upon a time there was an old man who owned a pet shop. The man was a devout Christian, who attended Church every Sunday, and was good friends with the pastor. The two got along in almost every way, but there was one habit that the pastor tried in vain to get the old man to break, which was that he cussed like a sailor.

    When the man passed away he had no wife or children, so he left all of his possessions to the pastor of his Church, which included a few animals he had kept from his shop. The pastor set about finding homes for all of the animals, until there was just one left, which was a parrot. Now, the parrot had lived with the man for a few years, and at this point had learned every foul word there is, plus a few more. As he listened to he parrot spouting profanities, the pastor wondered if it would ever be possible to rid the parrot of this awful habit. And then he had an idea. At his Church there was also a devout old lady, who was normally as gentle and meek as could be, but she would never tolerate the slightest bit of foul language, and no one who ever dared to speak a dirty word in her presence made the same mistake again.

    And so the pastor asked her if she would care for the parrot, to which she agreed, and she set about patiently teaching it how to use only clean language. For months she trained the parrot, and finally thought she had rid the bird of its foul mouth once and for all. However, one day when she stepped out of the house to do a few errands, the parrot felt that he just couldn't take it anymore, and he just had to cuss. So he started belting out every cuss word he could think of, one right after the other, at the top of his voice. Unfortunately, just at that moment the old lady stepped back in the door, having forgotten her grocery list, and heard the parrot's tirade. In a fury, she rushed to the bird cage, grabbed the parrot out, and after giving him several good buffets, and boxing his ears for good measure, she opened her freezer door and stuffed him inside as punishment. After waiting a moment, she opened the freezer, pulled the bird back out, gave him one final shake, and said, "Now did that finally teach you to stop cussing!?"

    Trembling, the parrot answered, "Oh yes ma'am! After a sight like that I'd never dare to cuss again!"

    A bit confused, the lady asked, "What do you mean? What sight?"

    "I thought I new every curse word there was," said the parrot, "But I'd sure like to know what that turkey must have said to be punished like that!"
     

    nonobaddog

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Mar 10, 2015
    11,794
    113
    Tropical Minnesota
    One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
    In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

    When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euro to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

    But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

    Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euro to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

    But still the fire fighters could not get through.

    From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

    Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

    It was a performance and effort never seen before.

    Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

    The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euro and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

    The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

    “Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
     
    Top Bottom