Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • Nazgul

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    Dec 2, 2012
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    Nice post. We recently visited Shiloh battlefield. As always with 2 History teachers, wife and I, we delved into the details. There is a marker where Grants HQ was during the battle. The first night there he's was drunk and his tent was commandeered as a sick ward so he spent the night under a tree in a pouring rain.

    Reading about the battle Grant was unconcerned about the presence of the Rebel forces until the actual battle began. He even demeaned the leader of the Ohio regiment that first spotted them. 2 times they sent messengers about it and he told them to "Go back to Ohio if you are afraid". He wised up when the battle was in full swing.

    Don
     

    KellyinAvon

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    Dec 22, 2012
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    30 Super Bowls ago!!! 1993: young USAF SSgt KellyinAvon is at K-2 Air Base, Taegu RoK.

    Super Bowl Sunday is on Monday morning in the RoK since it's Eastern +14. We we're going to work Saturday and have Monday off. Or so we thought...

    Low and behold an inspection team for the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Agreement with the norks was showing up Super Bowl Monday with 72 hours notice. This wasn't the norks, it was a bunch of our own Intel pukes. A couple months before these clowns showed up at Kunsan Air Base (one of the two main USAF bases in Korea) and starting cutting the locks on the munitions storage buildings out in the bomb dump because the keys were 5 minutes away. Caused a theater-wide shortage of these locks when they cut 60 of them.

    More in a while.

    Edit: I'm back.

    So K-2 had (at that time) only 24 Blue-Suiters at the time. War Reserve Materiel Base, had a lot of WRM and a few troops on a ROKAF base.

    Also had a HUGE bomb dump. Called a MAGNUM (awesome acronym) the munitions were maintained by the ROKAF with three USAF Ammo troops as the quality assurance evaluators. The MAGNUM was easy, open all the storage units and have a ROKAF Airman standing in the door at parade rest. They had orders to speak to no one from the inspection team. They spoke to nobody.

    Then, there was the smaller bomb dump known as the USAF area. Good news: nothing out there that went BOOM!! Bad news: still 27 buildings, each with 3-4 doors. That's a lot of keys, had them on a chow hall tray. One of our Ammo troops and I went around and unlocked all the buildings, then sat in a truck at the gate and waited, and waited. The truck had a radio, AFKN (Armed Forces Korea Network) was the only channel. Chicken Man came on at 0900. Turned it off when the news was on so we wouldn't know the score.

    We sat there, all day. You could not know anything about the Military, look at this place with a fence and building that look like these did and you'd say, "BOMB DUMP!" They never showed up.

    Now from we were sitting we could see the gym, the BX, a couple other buildings including the AFOSI Detachment (Air Force Office of Special Investigations, NCIS with active duty not all civvies.)

    So while me and Tim (from Buffalo, was about to see his Bills lose for the third time) sat there in the truck avoiding the news/Super Bowl score we watched the "Intel" types go in the BX, the gym, the OSI building, like there would be nuclear weapons in the gym, BX, or OSI building. Two dudes in an OD green truck in front of a compound that screams BOMB DUMP didn't cause any light bulbs to come on.

    Everyone who had a VCR recorded the game. Two months later would be the last Team Spirit exercise. The norks left the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Agreement over Team Spirit, the norks never came to K-2.

    Edit: for those of you who remember, that was the Super Bowl Don Beebe ran down the show-boating Leon Lett.
     
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    yotehunt

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    I gave Joe Biden his Naval Academy, with honors, diploma is 1969. He later went to Vietnam as a Wildweasel and was sole originator of the Top Gun school, at Nellis AFB Colorado. Joe later went on the be the first to fly around the world as well break the sound barrier.
     

    Hawkeye

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    I gave Joe Biden his Naval Academy, with honors, diploma is 1969. He later went to Vietnam as a Wildweasel and was sole originator of the Top Gun school, at Nellis AFB Colorado. Joe later went on the be the first to fly around the world as well break the sound barrier.
    Well, he did give the Commencement Address at USNA in 2015. My daughter graduated then and, honestly, it was as. good a speech as I could have hoped for.
     

    Alamo

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    Out of nowhere pops up this memory:

    Second Lieutenant Alamo is on his first overseas deployment, to ELF-One at Riyadh Royal Saudi Air Force Base, Saudi Arabia, approximately 1984 or so. ELF-One was our base for US AWACS to patrol the Gulf and warn of Iranian air and sea incursions against the Saudis or other allies.

    Part of the AWACS unit included a library of secret computer tapes, used to load the computer on the aircraft and make it smart, plus an IBM computer housed in a semi trailer used to process data tapes recorded during the mission.

    The tape library was usually manned by a first lieutenant or captain OIC, another officer, usually first or second lieutenant, who is training to be OIC in the future, and two enlisted computer operators. Generally, one officer and one enlisted worked dayshift for 12 hours, the other two worked night shift for 12 hours.

    One day, the computer breaks down. After a lot of phone conversations with our homies at Tinker, they contacted the local IBM dealer to have an engineer come fix the computer for us. Local of course is Riyadh, capitol city of Saudi Arabia. This set off all kinds of alarm bells for me, who was also a security officer for our unit at home, because now we’re going to have a foreign national of some Middle Eastern country rooting around in our secret computer. However, homebase said run with it anyway, so I made arrangements to declassify the computer and to pick up the engineer at the front gate of Riyadh air base.

    So I have to coordinate all this through the US security, and the Royal Saudi Air Force security as well. I’ve never dealt with any foreign military or civilians, especially in a foreign land as touchy as Saudi Arabia. I am acutely aware of my experience as a second lieutenant and have visions of newspaper headlines:
    2nd Lt triggers major international incident/security breach.”

    Anyway, I go to the front gate to pick up the engineer, and he’s stuck in the processing hell of the RSAF Gate security. Just like an American base they have a little office off to the side for visitors to get passes to get on base. The engineer says he’s been waiting forever. Turns out the engineer is Egyptian, and the Saudis don’t like the Egyptians very much. I didn’t know that at the time, but when I learned it later, I think they’re probably had something to do with the wait at the gate. There’s a long line of truck drivers on other people waiting to get a pass to drive on base and make deliveries, and everything appears to be at a dead stop.

    This was my first lesson in to the realization that the marriage of Western civil and military bureaucracy with Saudi reluctance to make decisions or do anything with speed for fear of losing face produces a system of glacial velocity.

    I’m still touchy about causing a flap, but I finally march past everybody waiting in line and find the RSAF sergeant who’s processing all the passes and insist my guy get some priority. Strangely enough this works and my guy gets his pass right away.

    By the way, getting a pass for him to bring his car on base would be a completely separate process, so he had parked on the street and walked to the gate where I would pick him up.

    so now we are driving back to the AWACS area. He speaks excellent English and we’re making some minor small talk when he suddenly turns to me and asks “so what do you think of Saudi Arabia?”

    All my internal alarms start clanging again, more visions of international fiasco arising, so I say as noncommittally as possible, “well, this is a very interesting place.”

    The guy explodes: “THESE PEOPLE ARE SO BACKWARDS!!” and proceeds to go on a five minute tirade about the Saudis. It was very educational and much more interesting than my Middle East history classes in college.

    I asked him about his car (Mercedes), and how much it cost to have one in Saudi Arabia (Saudi has terrible drivers and accidents all over the place). He said he would not be able to afford the insurance on it so IBM supplied him the vehicle and insured it. He said he got T-boned at an intersection one day and his car was totaled. He went to talk to the other driver, turned out to be one of the many Saudi family princes. The prince simply gave him a card with his name and address on it, and said, “come see me” and drove off. When the engineer showed up at the prince‘s palace, the prince simply asked him “how much did your car cost” and wrote him a check for the amount.

    Anyway, the computer got repaired, the engineer got safely back off of base, and 2nd Lt Alamo managed not to cause any security incidents or international disasters. This was fortuitous since immediately upon return to Tinker AFB from my deployment — and I mean immediately, as soon I hopped off the C-141 after a 24 hr ride — I was ordered to go home, shower and put on my service dress, and return to base. Whereupon the unit commander pinned silver bars on my shoulders, to my great relief.
     
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