Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[Alamo]

And of course as I was leaving, he made the list for Major....

Well, he didnt lose any red dots.

 

[target64]

Concord weapons station- sweeping the parking lot in July due to cigarette butts. It was a frigging gravel parking lot.
CVN-65–unloading a tail fin locker. Hand hump bout 2000 pieces up two decks, move them across the transfer area, down two decks and neatly stack in a different locker. This is so you could field day locker the first locker area for the command inspection.

 

[KellyinAvon]

I always thought the IG teams probably eventually died from lung cancer from constantly breathing the fumes of fresh paint everywhere they went.

True dat!!

 

[Alamo]

Or scrubbing rocks clean outside the barracks...

After our last jump at Airborne School we assembled and got our jump wings. AIRBORNE! Some higher ranking officer gave a suitably heroic speech about paratroopers, the elite, the best, the strongest etc etc. Immediately after the ceremony was over the non-officer contingent (which included cadets like me) were assigned to...details. Specifically we were pulling grass out of a gravel parking lot in front of what seemed to be an unused building that had been freshly painted. I assumed there was an inspection coming up. As we worked our way across the parking lot on our hands and knees in the July Georgia Sun, yanking grass out by the roots, one of the new paratroopers with a nice sense of irony was repeating the speech nearly word for word...

 

[repeter1977]

Well, he didnt lose any red dots.

Funny enough, one did go missing for awhile because someone had a hilarious sense of humor. It would have been better if they put it in the CO's office, but it was returned shortly after but before the MPs and CID were notified. Still kinda funny, still didn't change his mind.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[2A_Tom]

The longest shift I ever pulled was 71 hours. I fell asleep sitting on a shelf with my elbow locked over a grab bar while the command track I was in traveled across country.

I got a letter of commendation for my dedication and professionalism.

The truth of the matter was that it was cold and rainy. There was no place dry to sleep, so I stayed in the command track where it was warm and dry.

The 5 day exercise was called off on the morning of the 4th day because 9 men had been evacuated with hypothermia.

 

[actaeon277]

The longest shift I ever pulled was 71 hours. I fell asleep sitting on a shelf with my elbow locked over a grab bar while the command track I was in traveled across country.

I got a letter of commendation for my dedication and professionalism.

The truth of the matter was that it was cold and rainy. There was no place dry to sleep, so I stayed in the command track where it was warm and dry.

The 5 day exercise was called off on the morning of the 4th day because 9 men had been evacuated with hypothermia.

Bragger.


I think 30 hour shifts were my max.
I could be wrong.

Funny how they want you to make good decisions running a Naval Nuclear Reactor, but then don't let you sleep.

 

[woowoo2]

Two weeks ago....
Sun-Mon 32 hours.
Tue-Wed 38 hours.

Just like old times.

 

[2A_Tom]

I was around 21, I could never match that again in my wildest dreams.

 

[actaeon277]

I was around 21, I could never match that again in my wildest dreams.

When was the last time they closed the county down due to snow? Couple years ago?
I went into work, I think for Sunday 3-11s.
I left work Wednesday or Thursday 3-11s, I forget which.
And my relief had the nerve to try to get me to stay one more day.

I felt like warmed over road kill with sand grit in the bones.

 

[Rick Mason]

Mrs. Mason and I met in Okinawa as young sailors in '73 when the military finally allowed women service members to be stationed there for duty. We were the second Navy couple to get married on the island, having just missed being first by two weeks. We would have been the first except that she had a terrible dislocation of her left kneecap and we had to delay the wedding for four weeks... which leads to the following sea story (of which every word is true, I swear).


We were attached to the Naval Security Group Activity at Hanza, on Torii Station Army Base. It was a month before we were due to get married and we were still living in the barracks. The navy had its own barracks for the men, but because there were only about five Navy WAVES on base they were billeted in the WAC shack (open bay style).


An apartment opened up unexpectedly when a shipmate got orders to ship off the island with 72 hours notice. We jumped on the apartment, and also bought his entire furnishings sight unseen. We went over several nights later when it was empty to do inventory. we were moving some of the furniture around when the accident happened.


Joan had a weak knee that she had dislocated several months earlier in boot camp, and while lifting the sofa it gave way again and twisted completely around to the other side of her leg. I ran out to start the car, but it wouldn't start. I hailed a passing cabbie to take us to the Army hospital.


When we got to the hospital they couldn't find the one military doctor on the island who was qualified to put a cast on... and he wasn't answering his pager. By this time it was about one in the morning. They told Joan to just go to the barracks and they would fix her knee the next day. We were young and stupid so instead of putting up a fight and demanding a bed in the hospital, I called the duty officer and had them come to get us (fortunately it was her immediate supervisor).


We went back to the WAC shack and there was no way in the world that she could walk. Her knee was swollen to the size of a basketball. I went into the duty room and told the WAC duty sergeant what happened, and that Joan couldn't walk to her bunk. She said it was cool, that everyone was asleep and that I could carry her inside. She would go with us to make sure everything was okay. (Joan was looked upon as a kid sister by all the hard-bitten WACs. She was very sweet and innocent in those earlier days.)


I was carrying her in a cradle carry, and when I got to her lower bunk (open bay, remember) I swung her into it... and hit her knee right on the support bar for the upper bunk.


She massively jerked in my arms, and I fell and dropped her on the bunk. My arms were now trapped under her, I'm on my knees on the side of the bunk, and my nose is buried in her stomach. She's now moaning (loudly) "Oh, it hurts, it hurts so bad, why'd you do that," while thrashing back and forth on the bunk, and I'm going "Oh, I didn't mean it" over and over while trying to pry my arms out from underneath her along with ignoring what now felt like two broken kneecaps of my own.


In about ten seconds I was surrounded by over 100 WACs in various stages of night dress (and undress), with half of them with very nasty looking, sharp pointy items in their hands. The duty WAC was laughing so hard she couldn't pull herself together to explain what was going on.


I survived, which is why I am able to now tell the story, but if anyone asks, I can honestly say that I have seen the elephant(s) and it doesn't look pretty. We got married eight weeks later, as she limped down the chapel aisle without her cane, just newly liberated from her cast.


She got out after three active years, I did five active, and we both spent the next twenty+ in the USNR. If you ever meet Mrs. Mason please don't tell her that I told you the story. She is a little sensitive about it even after 46 years.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[red_zr24x4]

Strange, I've heard that pic before

 

[Alamo]

...having just missed being first by two weeks.

....after 46 years.

Being married first is not much of a record to brag about. Still being married 46 years later...now them’s bragging rights!

 

[Hawkeye]

When was the last time they closed the county down due to snow? Couple years ago?
I went into work, I think for Sunday 3-11s.
I left work Wednesday or Thursday 3-11s, I forget which.
And my relief had the nerve to try to get me to stay one more day.

I felt like warmed over road kill with sand grit in the bones.

I htink they pretty much closed INDIANA down for a week in January, 2019 for the Polar Vortex. We had a combination of snow cover and subzero temps with wind...

 

[nonobaddog]

I htink they pretty much closed INDIANA down for a week in January, 2019 for the Polar Vortex. We had a combination of snow cover and subzero temps with wind...

Around here that sounds like Tuesday.

 

[KellyinAvon]

As far as Military BS stories, there is one I've heard multiple times and from multiple (quote-unquote) witnesses.

Osan Air Base, ROK (about 40 miles south of Seoul). Outside the Songton Gate is Songton City. Bars, places that sell stuff including red Lakers jerseys, bars, the old guy selling mink blankets who was there when we were flying the F-86 Sabre, bars, fake Rolex watches, bars, you get the picture.

Pedestrians coming on Osan go through a small building, everybody shows ID to the USAF Cops and proceeds through to the base. A dude obviously on a So-Ju experience couldn't find his wallet to show his ID. He didn't realize he was buck naked.

 

[nonobaddog]

I've come to the conclusion that almost everybody had more excitement in the military than I did.